I messed up. I allowed my life to spiral out of control, pride to be a way of life, people to get closer than they should and created an environment with my emotions that damaged me and those around me. Codependency took me places I never thought I 'd go and kept me there longer than I ever planned to stay. The idea of doing anything to gain the acceptance and affirmation of another became an adrenaline rush for me. It became my drug of choice. Whether it was paying for someone 's meal, helping them through a problem, doing something no one else could do for them or simply just being involved in someone 's life, I got high off of this mentality and it kept me hooked on the idea that if I could light myself on fire to keep someone else warm that it would be most rewarding for me.
This was destroying me. This sin of control and acceptance began affecting every area of my life. I began to speak to everyone without thinking, completely disrespect authority, had the ability to speak into people 's lives whether they wanted me to or not and even had this mentality that I could do whatever I want because Christ had set me free. The problem with that "freedom" was that allowed me to be enslaved to everything else. Galatians 5 tells us "For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery." But the problem was, I kept submitting to anything but Christ. The worst part was is that I knew how to walk on a platform and could talk, act and sing like I had fully submitted to Christ. It was a dangerous way to...
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...strange sitting in a pew. It was different not planning worship or having an early morning sound check. The greatest part for me is that I 'm readapting to just worshipping. Time away can be a good thing and can allow a refocus for your ministry but more importantly your heart.
Just knowing there 's a problem doesn 't fix the problem. I 've know for a while that I had some problems to work on. I think I thought that if I could just keep going and since there was a knowledge that it would just fix itself and go away. I make daily choices to die to myself and live for Christ. A gameplay and strategy for restoration is very important.
To all struggling, know there 's hope and rest that can be found in Jesus Christ. Take a breather. Sometimes a breather just means a few minutes away and sometimes it means stepping down and allowing God to really grab ahold of your life.
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