St. Augustine Confessions

“But my sin was this, that I looked for pleasure, beauty, and truth not in him but in myself and his other creatures, and the search led me instead to pain, confusion, and error.” -Saint Augustine, Confessions

Can evil coexist with an omnibenevolent God? The question is one that has been discussed to no end in theology, but has never arrived at a definite conclusion. In St. Augustine’s letters to God, Confessions, he explains his personal struggle with sin, and in his explanation, provides detailed testimony regarding his temptations and hesitancy to live an ascetic life. This testimony demonstrates Augustine’s personal belief that free will leads to evil, and in order to live a life for God, he attempts to give up the pleasures of the secular

Augustine’s Confessions directly presents a contrast between worldly temptations and staying devout. Further, in Augustine’s reflection, human weakness, or tendency to give into sin, is greatly emphasized. Confessions introduces different instances in Augustine’s life in which this weakness is apparent. Perhaps many of the most startling examples were apparent in his youth. Augustine recalls praying “Grant me chastity and continence, but not yet,” conveying his opposing desires of both secular pleasure as well as a holy relationship with God, and his weakness to choose the pious route (104). He continues, addressing the reasons for his irreligious prayer, and states, “I was afraid lest thou shouldst hear me too soon, and too soon cure me of my disease of lust which I desired to have satisfied rather than extinguished” (104). His prayer was a plea for God’s grace and help through a time of sin, yet simultaneously a proclamation of his true commitment to sin. Here, St. Augustine’s plea can be interpreted to show sin’s hold over him and his powerlessness to resist. The human weakness Augustine demonstrates here is a greater example of choice leading to a sinful path. This idea is also developed in an earlier passage, which was also a reflection on Augustine’s youth. Lust is the primary sin here again, having metaphorically taken Augustine prisoner; lust and desire are rhetorically emphasized by their effects over Augustine. The

Free will, to Augustine, is not an example of humanity’s advancement, but rather, an example of humanity’s downfall. The idea that Augustine is a slavery to sin, however, corresponds with the idea of a lack of dependence on God in his downfall. God’s role, a savior and the utmost righteous, exemplifies Augustine’s struggle and where the true conflict lies. Augustine’s plea, “For what am I to myself without thee but a guide to my own downfall?”, further perpetuates the idea of Augustine as a slave to sin as well as a dependant of God (41). He portrays his dependence on God in order to resist temptation, as well as his belief that he is incapable in controlling his own passions; however, Augustine’s dependence on God does not only demonstrate his weakness, but also demonstrates the negative effect of free will on one’s life. Augustine’s weakness, revealing the concept that sin is a choice, allows free will to be framed in a negative way. “Yet,” Augustine explains, “by thy ordinance, O God, discipline is given to restrain the excesses of freedom” (19). The excesses of freedom, or free will, that is granted to humanity is negative. By focusing on God’s role in human sin, Augustine overlooks the deeper problem of human choice that leads to sin. His claim that God’s discipline is needed to