Finding Balance in a New Relationship

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Kate wanted a relationship for a long time - and finally, she had met Aaron and they started dating. They went on a couple of dates and had a great time together. Aaron recently graduated from university, so he wanted to take a few months off, before applying for a steady job. This change also gave Aaron an opportunity to shake off some of his romantic dust and find new ways for Kate and him to spend time together. At first, Kate was delighted with Aaron’s sense of romance and creativity, but as time went by, she barely found time for herself anymore. Kate didn 't want to hurt Aaron so she “played along”, and only a few weeks later (after she had tried to find *ANY* way to keep him busy…) Kate finally decided to bring up the subject. Aaron …show more content…

They are not equations that were adapted from others, but instead - they are self created equations. There are equations that associate emotional experience with behavior – and because of that, we’ll call them “Associative Equations”. These equations are in the following form: “when I did something it made me happy (or sad) --> Therefore, by repeating it (or avoiding it), I will make me happy (or sad) again”. In other words, the equation just states that (emotional) history tends to repeat itself. Although these equations seem to make sense, they have a deep underlying problem - the “missing factors” …show more content…

When they created their associative equations it may sound reasonable to them at the time, but in retrospect, if we dig a little bit deeper, things seem a little bit different…

Kate, seeking both relationship and personal space, missed out an important factor. The factor was that in relationships, whenever something had bothered her, she preferred to keep it to herself because she has a weakness for confrontations. Kate would prefer to suffer inside for a long time before admitting her feelings to someone else. This behavior led Kate to open up to Aaron too late, and although breaking up with him allowed her to restore her freedom, it merely just replaced her “I don’t have time for myself” frustration with the “I am not in a relationship” frustration.

Ted, the caring father oversaw a critical factor when he created his own equation. The factor was that whenever Ted tried to suggest his children how to handle a situation, he was so caught up with the thought of them making a mistake that he wasn’t actually suggesting them what to do – he was telling them what to do. He was doing so in a way that every other idea or thought (including their thoughts) seemed risky and dangerous. His children’s negative response, was merely a reflection of their frustration from him, as he had taken away their ability to feel secure with their

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