So.. Theres plenty I want to explain and say to you and have a tough time being able to and it’s not without months and months of watching you fall asleep almost every other night and thinking “okay tonight is the night I’m going to tell him something .. anything just start talking just let one word come out and the rest will just start pouring out.” Obviously that hasn’t happened yet. The entire point of this is so I can tell you things from the past because they coincide with the way I am . You've gotten a pretty good look at it but this is it all in detail. I want to tell you all of this to be completely open with you and so you know everything because I don't want to hide things from you anymore or build up walls around myself. I want …show more content…
i already know you care. its just me getting over my fear of letting you in, i guess i just never imagined things that I’ve been thru should ever be told to someone or laid in someones lap to deal with. this, us our relationship is going to be work. every relationship is if its worth it i suppose but i knew id be an even tougher case on anyone and you seem to like things simple not complicated and I’ve only ever felt like a complicated mess for you. it scares me because I’m still scared you’ll wake up in the morning and go “you know what I’m over this I’m over trying for this psycho who has such issues” i get that isn’t the case for us but its a constant anxiety . you’re honestly wonderful, one of my best friends . and I’m absolutely in love with you , i just need you to see that I’m on the other half of this divide trying to do everything i can to fight with my own demons to get to you and you’re on the other side patiently waiting.. please don’t think I’m not trying i really am doing my best. and in the past 7 months I’ve gotten farther then i have my entire life , and thats thanks to you
In loving you, I am slowly learning to love myself, something that has never happened before. I’m always so happy around you, my heart doesn’t feel heavy in your presence. My walls are completely down for you, being so vulnerable is a scary thought, though I know I can fully trust you to be there for me. In the past, I have given pieces of myself to people who did not deserve them, my heart to people who used me, looking for love in shallow places. From the moment I met you, I knew you were different. I could tell that you were a soft and sweet boy that wasn’t only with me for what I could do for you. You showed me that love can be pure and untainted with good intentions. I know I’m not the best girl in the world, but I’m always trying to be the best girl for you, doing my best to make you happy in the small things. My bed has never felt empty with just me in it before, though now when I sleep alone, it feels as though you should be next to me. I crave your warmth. There is no better way to wake up, than to wake up to your sleeping face, the handsome lines and curves of your skin that create the
I am writing this letter because I really want to apologize for all the things I did to you, and also to say goodbye. It is true that I have wrecked your entire world, but I want to say that it wasn't totally my fault to leave you there alone. We looked everywhere, but we couldn't find you. Well, now is not the time to blame anyone, however, it is true that I wasn’t aware of what you were going through during all these years, I thought you had gone. I would have never imagined that you were experiencing such condition.
You looked away, pursed your lips and hesitant to speak And love, in that moment, I already knew But you didn’t let me speak, you just walked away As if you forgot your promise that you will stay I held your arms and pull you back; to let you know that I want you back But in that moment, I already
When I first met you, I didn’t think we were going to last as long as what we have. Actually, I didn’t think much of you at all when you and I first started talking. Of course, I thought you were attractive and you were fun to talk to. But at that point in my life I felt worthless. I was used by a guy before you and I didn’t believe any guy would ever have genuinely, good intentions for me. But Hunter, after the first date you and I had ever had, I went home feeling like there was something oddly different about you. Before you came and picked me up, I was worrying about my outfit and my hair constantly. I looked over myself for a good thirty minutes worrying I wouldn’t impress you. The amount of times I considered cancelling on you because I didn’t know what to expect was unreal. However, I felt this strange urge to keep pushing forward. I was scared you would think I was ugly because I had the gap in between in teeth, or some other dumb reason. But as I sat there in front of you at Moe’s, never had I ever had a guy look at me the way you did. Maybe, it was because you were equally as nervous as I was or maybe it was because you thought I was too good for you, just like I thought you were to good for me. But the way you
Today as I have sat here and listened to every last word that you have said I see the amount of damage I have caused you. I promised you so many things and look how many I gave you if I could go back in time and start from scratch I would start with making sure that I drove to see you no matter how much it would have upset my family. There were times that I thought you understood where I was coming from but it is clear to me now that I have broke you down more than I would ever want to imagine. You say that you love me and you care about me more than you have for anyone you say that I changed your life. Only if you realized how much you have changed mine you have made me love myself and be proud of who I am still to this day though we have had some pretty rough times you hold me up.
I am clueless on why you mean so much to me. I hardly know you but I've always felt a wave of comfort and love around you. Maybe we were supposed to drift apart in order for me to get the best parts of you. We’ve both grown so much.
Over a year has past now and nothing much has changed except for our feelings. The type of feelings that fill your being with smiles that last days and dreams that we know will come true. I have to tell you now my love, just how dark my past is. I need to tell you over time just how often I have given my heart to someone who didn’t even bother looking me in the eye. I’ve given my body and soul to someone who chose to leave me on read.
We bonded on the concept of fake Amicis. Even when I opened up that much, I still wasn’t fully comfortable. I realized that I haven’t even said his name once in the past few months. I finally understood that I have to learn how to be alone. I have to learn how to live without someone telling me what to do or helping me, but because of these experiences, I don’t know
I know that I start things between us a lot of the time, but even you know why. You know that it took a lot for me to trust you, but now I do. I am so happy that you are still here with me, being patient, and still by my side. So many people say that I will not make it far in life, but they do not understand me, let alone know me. So many of those people do not know how hard you push me to make something of myself. In the past, I honestly believed that I would not make it anywhere, but now I know that as long as I am happy and still alive, with you by my side I am doing great and can achieve anything.
I am really not quite sure where to begin. Over the past eight years I have thought of a million things I'd like to say to you, but due to the finality of death, I had to let them slip from my mind. Now that I am finally writing to you, I find myself tongue tied and timid, like when I was little and we went to Disney world and I finally got to meet Mickey Mouse. Remember? I was so excited all day long waiting, to go to meet him, chattering on and on, but when the big moment came, I became shy, hiding half behind you, bashful of Mickey. Now I find it is with you, who used to keep me safe, that I'm shy.
Ms. Babul would say that I am a young girl who is afraid to let my guard down, and she just may be right. My first relationship I had in high school failed because of my lack of emotional support. I was dating Brian who was so sweet and had unconditional love for me at the time I was unable to give that back to him. I was never taught how to love a man besides my grandfather, who is not my father! Brian would pick me up for school every morning in his 2008 Chevy comers, take to McDonalds he knew exactly what I wanted “an Egg McMuffin with a hash brown “. He took the time to find out so much about me and told me so much about him, Brian felt like there was always something missing we both found out the day his father was killed in a care cash. November of 2008 on a gloomy Sunday night I got a phone call from Brian I knew something was wrong he never calls at 2 am in the morning, the tone of his voice was frantic he was sobbing telling me his father had been killed in a car cash. After spelling his heart out to me, he waited for responds from me and I had nothing to say but “your strong, it may take some time but you will be okay, I will see you
Hi, y’all. I want you to know that this could get long, but please read it. And I hope it doesn’t sound like I am irritated, I just want you to see how I saw things. Plus, I get my thoughts out better written down than verbally.
Let me explain what I want in my life. I want someone to share my laughter and my fears, someone to listen and be there when I feel like the world is crashing down on me. I want to give that same courtesy back to them in return. I don't want someone standing at my door waiting for me to get home, or around constantly, because that drives me absolutely crazy. I do think that since you and I have spent so much time together that I have become a little dependant on you, and wanting to talk to you. That doesn't necessarily mean seeing you every day, or a three-hour phone call, but just the reassurance to know that you are in fact still there. Is that too much for you? It sometimes feels like you only call when you know I am upset because you haven't called. You hardly ever call just because you want to.
I cannot answer a lot of things. Only 3 words I still remember “I don’t know” the word I tell him most. At that time I mean that many things I really don’t know. He looks at me by cold face and says “what do you know?” His voice not only through in my ears, but it stabs at my heart. It very hurt me. In the quiet room I am swallowing, trying to deep breathe, and think.
It is the start of a new year and I thought I would start a journal chronicling my daily experiences. Tonight we decided to go to the local F.O.P. lodge to a New Years Eve party. We had a pretty good time but what happened later that evening is something that I hope I don’t forget for a long time to come. Still fresh in my mind was the conversation Angela and I had on Christmas night. She was hinting that she wasn’t sure if she wanted to be in a serious relationship this soon after the breakup of her previous one. If that wasn’t hard enough on Christmas she also was to ill to attend my brothers wedding with me in Madison Indiana . To add to all the confusion in my head, on my way home I stopped and got her a rose and a “happy New Years” balloon. She seemed quite touched by the gesture but also visibly troubled by it. I asked her if she was ready to have a good time tonight and she said “I was but now I don’t know.” Now what in the world does that mean! I tried applying all sorts of significant meanings to that statement but in the end I decided to just let it go and let events unfold as they would. Fast forward to 2 minutes before midnight. Angela is an absolute goddess, she is very beautiful and one of the nicest, sweetest woman I have ever met, but she is not one given to affection, especially public affection. Well at 2 minutes till she laid a kiss on me that lasted well after midnight. She absolutely blew me away!! The rest of the night was nice, we went to a couple more clubs but that moment is burned into my memory. Everything else paled in comparison. I don’t know if it is possible but I think I kissed her with my heart as well as my lips. I have heard of your “minds eye”, but tonight I found my “hearts mouth”.................