I 've never been great with words, until recently. Until someone taught me to write out what I am feeling. This technique was suggested to me because it helps to get your feelings out somewhere where they don 't eat away at you. I have always been one to hold my feelings in until they are so built up that I explode, ultimately ruining many friendships and, this year, a very important relationship.
Let me tell you about myself when it comes to relationships. I just don 't... I don 't do relationships. I watched my sister go through one of the hardest relationship of her life when I was 14, where he boyfriend abused her. Both mentally and physically. He isolated her away from everyone, even her family. He bought her nice things, but then he would guilt trip her into staying with him. Four years into their relationship, she found out that he had cheated on her with at least 6 other girls. Though she tried to leave, he continued to guilt trip her into staying, and the relationship ultimately screwed up her perspective of life, and her mental health.
I watched my dad gambled away thousands of dollars and lie to my mother about it. I watched him become an alcoholic with a gambling addiction… And a liar.
I watched my uncle go through three different marriages.
I’ve watched my friends get cheated on and lied to.
So I don’t really do relationships.
But junior year of high school, a boy came along that changed my mind. He was silly and funny and made my heart feel a way that no one had ever made it feel. He introduced me to new music and he took me ...
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... was selfish. I didn’t know how lucky I was because I had never been in a circumstance where I had truly had my heart broken. And now I know. I know that you have to continuously court the person you love, because just because you have them now, doesn’t mean they will always be there. You always have to keep trying. You always need to show someone how important they are to you. I’ve become selfless through this whole thing, for the most part.
So please, someone enlighten me… How do I get my point across? How do I show someone how I feel and how truthful this feeling is? How does it work…? Is there some hidden secret? Because I need the world to know how I feel. I need to share my gut feeling with someone… Because maybe then he’d understand that this time is different. That I feel something completely different than the first time… Because words don’t do it anymore…
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