Being a reformer relates heavily to my schema, unrelenting standards. The reason I need to be an investigator is because I always want to make the best decision for everyone in everything that I do. Things need to be positive, balanced, and I need to do things honestly and with integrity. My decisions needs to be based on objective and measurable factors, and I try to push emotions to the side because those are subjective and often unreliable. Since everything was on my shoulders as a child, I feel like it still is as an adult. Once I learn that something needs to be fixed, I want to start to make changes immediately in order to grow. I expect that if other people truly care or are passionate about something that they will do the same. Since I try to strive to be so self-discipline, I forget that others are not and then I disconnect with other people, then isolate and turn back to knowledge.
If that was not enough, there is also this entirely different side to me as well. I am an enthusiast, which means I crave adventure, excitement, and spontaneity. My actions maybe carefully calculated, but my personality is very impulsive and optimistic. The biggest passions in my life her doing new things and having new life experiences, then honing those skills or moving on to the next adventure. There are needs in my life to be a free spirit and travel in order to learn about other cultures and how other live life. Since my schema is entitlement, I also noticed that I feel like I can be a free spirit and doing things that would be dangerous because the rules do not always apply to me, in my mind. Holding still and moving through life slowly is boring and anxiety provoking. I always feel like I am being held back and...
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...stly feel once I am finished with this semester, this class on physical and sexual abuse of children will no longer be hindering my health. For someone that has been abused, this is not something that I want to be mindful of. Despite that I have been trying to maintain it the best to my ability.
This process is not easy, but it is worth it. I am worth it to myself to keep working through goals and changing how I think about things, and then how I go about doing things. In starting this process I have stirred up some turmoil that I have repressed for a long time. In order to get through the turmoil I need to believe that I am capable of doing so and that I can work past it. My ultimate goal is to make receiving love, being present, mindfulness, intrapersonal communication, meditation, and dance a larger part of my life and create healthy thought patterns and habits.
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