To Lead Or Not To Lead

667 Words3 Pages
I often find myself in leadership positions quite unexpectedly. There I am, minding my own business, happily going about my own work and helping others. Then at some point I get a call to come down to the managers office. I often make those trips worried that I might have done something wrong. As I sit down, the manager will smile, and give me the wonderful news. I have been chosen to lead. The problem with that is I suffer from a bad case of "lack of self confidence-itis." Yes, I know that is not a real disease, but a lack of self confidence is what ails me.

The first time that I experienced this problem was when I was 12. Granted it was in a religious capacity, but it still was a leadership position. I was called to be the president of our class, there were eight girls in all. I remember being asked if I would accept the assignment and all I felt I wanted to do was run and hide. Me? A president? I could not understand why they thought I could do that. Surely they were mistaken! I did accept the position and then spent the next 4 months trying to fulfill my duties, all the while feeling like I was in over my head. Every time they asked my opinion or asked for a decision, I would respond in the form of a question. I never did feel comfortable being the leader and was thankful and grateful to be released those few short months later. I always felt that someone else was better suited for the job.

The second time I experienced the same problem was when I was working for a company as a Customer Service Associate. The project was new to our facility and because of this, many of the positions had yet to be created. Once again I was happily going about my own work, while assisting others in theirs, when I got the call. The manag...

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...was relieved when it was finally time to move on to our next meeting. The sad thing is that this was only two weeks ago. Luckily, after I returned home and had time to think, I realized that this seems to be a pattern. One that after looking back, I realized that I do belong in these leadership roles and that maybe the reason I keep ending up in them is to teach me to trust and use my ability. Surely someone sees those qualities in me, why don't I? I decided that I need to change it, I don't want to look back and regret those choices that I made.

So as I sit here writing this essay about my lack of self confidence, looking back at those times and how I felt, I am feeling that same feeling. Oh, it is a daunting task to take on. How does one reverse the effects of a lack of self confidence? I guess I will never know, unless I try to see what others do, in me.

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