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Communication skills in relationships essay
Communication skills in the personal life
Communication skills in the personal life
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Being loved is a great form of happiness and challenge. This essay examines the challenges of love through various sociological perspectives. These sociological perspectives include defining the boundary between love and infatuation, attachment styles, problems associated with love, and dynamic changes in the course of getting married.
A man’s profession of love to a woman when at first sight, is considered as an infatuation. Love is different with infatuation. It can be hard to decipher between love and infatuation because they both evoke “a strong, positive feeling toward others” (99). According to Betty Yorsburg, sociologist and author of Family Realities, love exists when three factors are present: physical attraction, intimacy and commitment. Infatuation differs with love because the feelings are only driven by physical attraction. Physical attraction “is a feeling of very strong passion toward another person. This is grounded, ultimately, on the biological sex drive and the need to gratify this drive.” (102) For love to exist between two people, it needs more than just physical attraction to each another. There have to be intimacy and commitment. Commitment is characterized by “a conscious decision to maintain a relationship temporarily or for life.” (103) Intimacy is “a feeling of deep attachment, bondedness, closeness and warmth toward another person.” (100)
The way that one develops intimacy with another person is influence by one’s attachment styles. There are three different attachment styles: secure, anxious/ambivalent and avoidant. Each of these attachment styles are shaped by an early emotional experiences. When a child has a warm, supportive, and responsive relationship with his or her parents, the ...
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...er a great deal; and feel they are good friends.” (125) Secondly, they should have similar backgrounds, levels of education and approval from family and friends regarding their union. Third, their attachment style should not be greatly mismatched. Lastly, it would help if both partners are religious and regular church attendees because it promotes faithfulness and commitment in a marriage.
In conclusion, love is a challenge. One must understand oneself in terms of attachment style so that one can learns to develop an intimate and committed relationship with another person. Love is also a challenge in the way that one needs to find someone that is physically appealing and shared similar values and expectations. Otherwise someone will get heartbroken. Although today people’s attitude toward marriage is changing, people still believes that love brings happiness.
The Strange Situation, in which infants are exposed to eight different episodes involving the mother and/or a stranger, is widely used to test attachments, although there are many different views regarding its validity and reliability. In order for the Strange Situation to be considered reliable, a child tested at different times should produce the same reaction every time; this was supported by Main, Kapland and Cassidy’s 1985 study which found that 100% of infants who had been securely attached before 18 months were still securely attached at 6 years, and 75% of those who had been anxious-avoidant remained so. One interpretation of attachment type (based on the Strange Situation) is that it is a fixed characteristic and therefore cannot be changed, but if there is a change in family circumstances this is often not the case. Attachments to mothers and fathers have been proven to be independent – Main and Weston (1981) found that children reacted differently depending on which parent they were with. This shows that the attachment types shown by the Strange Situation are based on qualities of distinct relationships as opposed to a child’s characteristics.
Fox (1995) poses that it is possible that early childhood attachment does not influence adults’ minds relative to attachment. He also is hesitant to agree that parental sensitivity is a valuable aspect that is potentially “transmitted” to offspring.
The first topic that came up in the interview relates to idea of attachment theory. Attachment theory explains the human’s way of relating to a caregiver and receives an attachment figures relating to the parent, and children. In addition, the concept explains the confidence and ability for a child to free explore their environment with a place to seek support, protection, and comfort in times of distress (Levy, Ellison, Scott, and Bernecker, 2010, p. 193). Within attachment theory explains different types of attachment styles that children experience during early childhood. These attachment styles affect the relationships they continue to build in adulthood. The best attachment style happens when the parent is attuned to the child during his or her early childhood called secure attachment (Reyes, 2010, p. 174). In order for complete secure attachment, the child needs to feel safe, seen, and soothed. Any relationship that deviates from this model represents the anxious or insecure attachment. This means that parents or caregivers are inconsistently responsive to the children. Children who have these parents are usually confused and insecure. Some children experience a dismissive attachment where they
Relationships are the building block for personality and are significant in children’s ability to grow into substantial individuals who can thrive in an often harsh world. Constructing lasting and fulfilling relationships is an integral part to development as the interpersonal bonds forged are not only highly sought after but also set the ground work for all upcoming expressive interactions. Relationships and attachment go hand in hand as attachment is the strong and lasting linkage established between a child and his or her caregiver. Moreover, attachment significantly influences a large capacity of ones make up as it these first relationships that teaches morals, builds self-esteem, and develops a support system. The pioneers of Attachment Theory realized early on that human beings are not solely influenced by drives but that the earliest bonds formed by children with their caregivers greatly impact their ability to forge lasting relationships later in life. John Bowlby was first to introduce this theory to the masses in the 1950’s, and later Mary Ainsworth conducted further research to expand on Bowlby’s theory which proclaims that attachment is a “lasting psychological connectedness between human beings” (Bowlby, 1969, p. 194). The attachment bond theory by both Bowlby and Ainsworth focuses on the significance of the relationship between babies and their caretakers which research has suggested is accountable for influencing impending interactions, firming or injuring our capabilities to concentrate, being aware of our emotional states, self-soothing capabilities, and the capacity to be resilient in the face of hardship. Additionally, this research has provided a framework for assisting in describing these att...
Admittedly, many psychologists define attachment as an enduring, affectionate bond that one person forms between himself and another person throughout life. Mary Ainsworth provided the most famous research: strange situation, offering explanations of individual differences in attachment. However, in this Adult Attachment Style questionnaire that I took, I found many factors relevant to attachment as defined in the textbook. For example, in the textbook, it defines attachment based on Ainsworth research, the strange situation by observing attachment forms between mother and infants. They are described in four attachment styles: securely attached, insecure avoidant, insecure resistant, and insecure disorganized.
The attachment style that a child endures with their mother initially begins before the child is even born. In the mother’s womb, the infant becomes aware of their mother and father’s voices, where they begin to develop a bond with them and feel nurtured and comforted by the things they hear their parents sing and speak to them. According to Bowlby, the development of attachment takes place in four different phases and are reinforced as they grow older from the Preattachment (birth to age 6 weeks), attachment-in-the-making (age 6 weeks to 8 months), clear cut attachment (between 8 months to 1 ½ years of age) and the reciprocal relationship (from 1 ½ or 2 and on). As the child grows older, then begin to understand their parent’s feelings and motives and are able to organize their efforts and reciprocate the same i...
Love and infatuation are both strong emotions that most will encounter within their lifetime. The two feelings are often misunderstood, but are differentiated through their outcomes and stability. True love does not only rely on physical attraction, but also on one’s personality. When one is truly in love, they accept their partner’s flaws and perfections. There is a connection between two people, in which they can make compromises and smart decisions. The love grows stronger with time and is not instant. On the other hand, infatuation occurs almost instantaneously and progresses quickly. Infatuation relies on lust and physical attraction. It can cause an individual to
Around the GCU campus, marriage and engagement is in the air. Men and women who have been together from a few months to a few years have made the decision to commit to each other for the rest of their life. In the Bible, there are four different Greek words that mean love: agape (Godly), eros (erotic), storge (family), and philia (friendship). In social psychology, there are three main types of love that combine to form different types of love. In Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love, there are three main types of love: liking (intimacy alone), empty love (commitment alone), and infatuation (passion alone) (Kassin, Fein, & Markus, 2013). When intimacy, commitment, and passion are combined, an experience known as consummate
For hundreds and hundreds of years, we, as humans have yearned for companionship; sharing our life’s with one another in an intimate, and special way. For some, this is extremely difficult, the feeling of being loved and loving somebody doesn’t happen as easily, quickly, or frequently as they would like, struggling their entire life to find that person who they are meant to be with. These are the people who are desperate for even the slightest bit of affection, the people who will do and give up about anything to feel wanted in this world. For others, this comes rather naturally, adopting the characteristics and behaviors of their parents, people or the environment around them. These people, who are experts at the art of being vulnerable and loving others, are presented with their own problem of being susceptible to get taken advantage of and heartbroken by others. To love is to be vulnerable, although that may seem like an obvious statement; the trick is the perfect amount of vulnerability. Love is a great, outstanding creation, but if somebody is too vulnerable or not vulnerable enough, it can come to a screeching halt where people get hurt or worse. Throughout history other pieces of work by various authors portray love to be a questionable thing that is untrustworthy and that vulnerability is a concept with hidden evils.
Love and the way we love others varies across different individuals of various cultural backgrounds. From a psychoanalytic approach, many theorists in this field focus on the development of love and it’s stages as we become of age to establish a loving, healthy relationship with a companion. In the book titled Personality: Classic Theories and Modern Research (Friedman & Schustack, 2013), A person must have social connection with others in order to achieve true happiness. This is something so unique to humans; the human connection. To connect with another person on an emotional, intellectual, and even physical level brings on an entire new perspective on life. Love is the most powerful force that we have as human
One may ask what love is, how do you define love? You can look up the word love in the dictionary and find ten or more different explanations. Most sociologists consider love to be learned through cultural experiences (Love). This would mean that however or if persons parents showed them love while growing up, that is how that individual would interpret love throughout their life. When the Puritans first came to America, their concept of love was less of a romantic passion and more of a deepening reciprocal of respect and affection (Seidman 16). During the Enlightenment (1714-1818), love was typically viewed as a rational and orderly experience that could be controlled by those who experienced it (Sternberg 69). Love was assumed to be a rational feeling made by rational people and thus could be controlled. This belief had a major alteration during the eighteenth and nineteenth century when people began to believe that love was uncontrollable and could happen without reason (Sternberg 70). This change in the perception of love being uncontrollable also shifted the conclusion that people were not as rational as first presumed. In the late twentieth century, love became more sexualized and erotic which became perceived as a crisis in sexual morality and marriage (Seidman 66). Love today is viewed as unobtainable by reason of Americans have unrealistic expectations of love, true love, love at first sight, and the idea that love conquers all (Love). As a result of these unrealistic views, Americans have moved back to the concept that love is controllable but not necessary for a “romantic” relationship (Sternberg 63). As presented, love and the interpretation of what love is has transformed dramatically over the past two hundred years ...
However; if marriage wants to be happy, each of them need to give their best to have a good relationship, they also have to respect each other, have patience and always talk about their problems or dreams. As a matter of the fact that romantic love is essential and that exists, some marriages have been together for more than fifty years; their secrets are not expensive, or impossible ones, in fact, they are as familiar and accessible as patience, love, and respect. Today's couples should value the essence of marriage and should put on a scale what is most important and give their beloved the value they deserve. It is essential to learn to love as couples did before
During the first few stages of both theories, we see challenges in the development of the child and we also see challenges that a child might face during some, if not all forms of attachment theory. For example, a parent ignoring the child and speaking to them in a negative manner during insecure-avoidant attachment can be challenging for a child and lead to insecurities and the feeling of not being loved and/or wanted. Additionally, the theme of independence is seen throughout both theories and can also be related specifically to insecure-avoidant attachment where the child does not focus his or her attention on the parents but instead looks to the outside world for assistance. Both theories, as well as attachment theory, has an impact on childhood
Romantic love requires attraction, plus attachment. Someone can be very strongly attracted to another person, but never become attached. Without some feeling of attachment, attraction is nonspecific. Once you have begun to fall in love with someone, this process becomes more and more important and you begin to feel more attached to this person. When in this state of attachment, each person feels as if they are one person combined together.
According to Vultaggio (2015), Maya Angelou once said: “In the flush of love 's light, we dare be brave. And suddenly we see that love costs all we are, and will ever be. Yet it is only love which sets us free.” Dr. Rappleyea (2015) once stated that love is a very complex emotion perhaps the most complicated of all human emotions. Some might even add that love is not only an emotion but it is also an action shared between one or more individuals. Family greatly influences how we love and the way we show our love for one another. In fact we first learn what love is or what it is not in our household, and gradually our meaning of love will mature. Psychologist Robert Sternberg developed a triangular theory of love which explains the topic of