Marriage Demise

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The business failures and the bankruptcy took a heavy toll on my self-esteem but it also took a major toll on our already ailing relationship. We lost our vehicles through repossessions, we owed a debt to the IRS, which of course we couldn’t pay and finally we ended up losing our house. Sandi decided that she would go to work to help out. I had never really wanted her to work, but I knew that she wanted to help and we could certainly use the money. At the time she went to work, I was working from our house. I was handling all of the billing and shipping for the Expert Witness Directory from home. We were able to purchase a cheap used car, which Sandi took back and forth to work. Two of the kids were in high school. They had part time jobs and had purchased cars of their own. I know that Sandi was as humbled and humiliated by our financial troubles as I was. But she was also angry and I was the one to blame. This was all my fault, I was the one that caused a change in her life style. This was her mentality at the time and was very obvious in her actions towards me. After the closing of the original business that I started, she told me emphatically that she did not want anything to do with any of my business ventures. In effect she wasn’t going to help, see didn’t want to talk about it, and she just didn’t want to know anything about it. And that’s how it was for the next 5 or 6 years. Once Sandi went to work, I became the red-headed step child. I was working the business out of our house. I was home all day. She took the attitude that her job was more important than mine. She, in her mind, had become the bread winner. In truth, at no time did she bring home any more money than I did. But I honestly don’... ... middle of paper ... ...ess failures, bankruptcy, repossessions, financial ruin and humiliation. I knew that with time, hard work and persistence these things could be overcome. But I couldn’t live with someone that didn’t love me or didn’t bother to show me that she did. I couldn’t live with the doubt – never knowing if what she was telling were the truth or just her own justification. I couldn’t live with the lack of respect or the indifference. Enough time had passed, we were together almost 25 years. Hard work and persistence didn’t appear to be the answer – we had spent a number of years working with other married couples trying to grow and improve our relationship. The marriage had started with a certain amount of duress and dishonesty. Because of this we were never able to build the trusting, loving, intimate relationship that the sacrament of marriage demands and deserves.

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