Kahlil Gibran's Article: The Perils Of Parents Pushing Too Hard

Perils of Parents Pushing too Hard

Almost a century ago, the Lebanese American poet Kahlil Gibran wrote: “Your children are not your children./They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself./They come through you but not from you,/And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.” (Gibran, 1923). Gibran’s words are wise, but hard to follow for many parents. As much as parents may love their children and want the best for them, they often do not think about their child’s dreams, wishes, or gifts; instead, parents push their own ideas for how they think their child should live their life. However, this does not work well; in fact it usually backfires. Parents who push their children too hard want good results for them, but

One of them, is the parents truly believe they are helping their child. Lynn Margolies, Ph.D.’s article, "The Paradox of Pushing Kids to Succeed", explains some parents push their teens with good intentions. They worry their child will be unhappy if fall behind in our competitie society. Margolies’ research proves this thinking is wrong “the notion that being the best and having the most brings happiness is an illusion (Crocker & Carnevale, 2013). And future success is not determined by good grades, Ivy League acceptances, or inflated self-esteem (Tough, 2012) (Margolies, PhD 3). Success and happiness does not come from getting the best grades or going to the best schools. Haruki Murakami’s short story “Yesterday” highlights this idea. Kitaru has spent several years “studying” because his parents want him to do well on his entrance exams. They want him to get in to a good university, and even though, he knows he should too, but he can't make himself study. He is not motivated because it is not his dream or his desire. His parents push him, but it doesn't change anything for him: He never ends up going to

Shirley Zhao’s article, "Hong Kong Parents Say Pushing Children Too Hard Doesn't Work" describes how prevalent this behavior is for Asian parents. For years, she describes, Asian parents believed they had "absolute control over their children” and if their children are not successful, “the parents will lose face” (Zhao 5). Parents and children are equally stressed: the parents want to compete with other parents and the children compete with each other to gain their parents’ acceptance. Both Apollo feels this pressure throughout his childhood. Until he becomes friends with the houseboy Raphael, who shares Apollo’s love of kung fu, Apollo admits he just did things to please his parents, “I read books only enough to satisfy them, and to satisfy them, and to answer the kinds of unexpected questions that might come in the middle of a meal” (Adichie 2). Apollo’s parents do not even know about his passion for kung fu or his relationship with Raphael he was afraid to tell them as it did not fit into their plans for him. However, as Apollo admits, “It was after school, with Raphael, that my real life began” (3). Afterschool, Apollo could be himself and pursue what he really enjoyed. Even though Raphael was a houseboy, and his parents would not approve of their friendship, Apollo thinks “Raphael knew what really mattered; his wisdom lay easy on his skin” (2). Apollo’s parents