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Intimacy and sex are topics many couples fail to talk about when there are issues surrounding it. It is a subject which is considered taboo, and when issues arise in a marriage, if they are not addressed, they can cause a major rift between the couple. Dr. Degler is a Christian psychologist, life coach, and author who hosts a website and blog called Healthy Relationships Rx. It provides the everyday Christian wife with the advice and tools she might need in order to add spice into her marriage and bedroom. The book, Fighting for your Marriage, by Markman, Stanley, and Blumberg (2010) also provides couples with a better understanding of the important role intimacy plays in a marriage. Marriage is a union entered in by two people who love …show more content…
First, it is important to distinguish the difference between sexuality and sensuality. When some people think of sexuality, the brain automatically thinks orgasms and penetration. But, when we think about sensuality, all of the senses become engaged. Touch, taste, smell, and feel can all become a form of foreplay. When you take foreplay or sensuality out of the equation, “couples have no way of intimately connecting unless they have sex” (Markman et al., 2010, p.272). This can introduce pressure to the sexual relationship which will also allow room for anxiety. “Numerous studies suggest that anxiety is the key inhibiting factor to arousal” (Markman et al., 2010, p. 277). There are two types of anxiety - performance anxiety and conflict. When a person is focusing soley on his or her performance, Markman et al., (2010) suggests that it puts “emotional distance between you and your partner. This kind of detachment can lead to the most common sexual problems that people experience” (p. 277). A few of these problems are difficulty having an orgasm, lack of erection or arousal, and pre-ejaculation. Conflict is the other source for anxiety. When a couple is arguing all the time and having trouble getting along, the desire for intimacy is lost. “It is important that you agree to keep problems and disagreements off-limits when you are being sensual or making love” (Markman et al., 2010, p. 278). If your partner has a complete lack of interest in sex, it can be a side effect of a hidden issue. It can be a stressful time at work, he or she could be depressed, drinking, or suffering from another type of illness that affect one’s sex drive. Try to figure out if it is health related, and if it is not, then look more at the
Giddens, Anthony. The Transformation of Intimacy. Sexuality, Love and Eroticism in Modern Societies. Stanford University Press. Stanford CA, 1992.
Miller, Rowland S. Intimate Relationships. 6th Ed. New York; The McGraw- Hill Companies, 2012. Print.
...n integrated model of couple therapy. In P. David, Pair bonding & repair: Essays on intimacy & couple therapy (pp.52-64). Class handout from Applied Couple Therapy, Antioch University Seattle.
As said, these are just general reasons that a couple may not be having sex in the marriage, but they are common reasons. And, they are definitely a place to start from towards fixing your marriage and getting it back on track. Most people believe that the lack of sex is their fault, but as you can see that is not always the
While thinking about the many topics that I'm concerned about when it comes to older adults, I could not help myself from writing about intimacy and sex. Perhaps because where I come from, sex has been forever a taboo, especially when talking about seniors. However, after starting my internship with older adults, I could not believe that sex is a very common topic among many, and for the ones that are healthy; it can be one of the top topics on their mind.
When a man and a woman come together and bind in holy matrimony, two people become one. In marriage, two people come before the pastor and under God with their partner, to recite promises that are vows. In many religions such as Christianity and Catholicism, sex should be for left only for marriage. Sex is an emotional experience that is for married people to enjoy sexual pleasure together. Love and trust are sacred for the foundation of marriage.
...tance of communication in any marriage. Nora also discussed setting aside ten minutes for having a very meaningful conversation with your spouse, in which you can discuss your private and personal emotions. Self-disclosure is paramount to a successful intimate marriage; your initial risk of communicating your true identity will be rewarded throughout your marriage (Schoenberg, 2011).
It is important to understand what Marriage and Family counseling entail’s so that there will be an understanding of its true relevance. The union of Marriage is understood to be one of the most sacred institutions God has put in place with the family unit falling next in line as it is the foundation of society and the buil...
A vast amount of men and women suffer from some type of sexual dysfunction. Researchers have identified a number of factors that may contribute to or perpetuate sexual dysfunction, including, but not limited to, performance anxiety. Performance anxiety is defined as an obsession about the adequate pleasing of one’s partner during the act of sexual intercourse. Rather than focusing on the pleasurable benefits that one can receive from intercourse, the individual experiencing performance anxiety is focused on how well he or she is performing (McCabe, 2005). Oftentimes, someone who suffers from a sexual dysfunction experiences increased performance anxiety because he or she feels that the dysfunction inhibits performance, thus they think the sex is not satisfactory for their partner.
Bringing the erotic into your life is best seen as, “A paradox to manage, not a problem to solve,” and this can only work if you acknowledge that an erotic life needs attention to thrive (much like your relationship does). By being honest and giving voice to our needs it liberates us from many personal and social obstacles that stand in the way of us getting excitement in our relationships.
Affection is a crucially important commoditiy in their eyes because it symbolizes agreement, comfort, protection, and security (Harley, 37). If a woman’s need of affection is not being met, changes are that there is a lack of sex on her part, because sex begins with affection. Harley ends chapter 3 by stating “affection is the environment of the marriage, while sex is an event. Affection is a way of life, a canopy that covers and protect a marriage (Harley, 44). Chapter 4 describes why men need sexual fulfillment instead of affection. It bring to light the differences between the sexuality of men and women’s, sexual awareness, sexual motivation, sexual compatibility, and solving sexual problems (Harley, 50-61). The need for intimate conversation is publicized in the next chapter. Chapter 5 challeges men to take time out to converse with their wives because effective conversation can help met emotional needs and help slove conflicts in the marriage. Chapter 5 also challenge men to spend at least fifteen-hour for undivided attention, necessary to obtain a healthy marraige (Harley, 71). Chapter 6 shares information about how recreational companionship is important to men and how they response within the marriage (Harley, 89). The next chapter express’ the openness and honesty that women need from their spouses. The things that could hurt the marriage in the longrun if openness and honesty is not
...uch a key impact, it is important that when an issue does arise to take action. All of the sexual dysfunctions can be treated by going through sex therapy. This is where they can talk out their issues that could be causing the sexual dysfunctions and also it can give them ideas and tips to use to enhance the sexual relationship. (Nevid & Ruthus, 2005).
There was a time when more smart-conscious decisions were made relating to sexual relationships. In particular, sexual relationships within a marriage. However, times have changed. The pillars that hold up our individual sexual values have started to crumble. It is estimated that two out of three marriages fail due to infidelity. This is a scary statistic considering that people believe a marriage can survive infidelity. This brings us to our first myth: Everyone has affairs.
However; if marriage wants to be happy, each of them need to give their best to have a good relationship, they also have to respect each other, have patience and always talk about their problems or dreams. As a matter of the fact that romantic love is essential and that exists, some marriages have been together for more than fifty years; their secrets are not expensive, or impossible ones, in fact, they are as familiar and accessible as patience, love, and respect. Today's couples should value the essence of marriage and should put on a scale what is most important and give their beloved the value they deserve. It is essential to learn to love as couples did before
Marital quality, is traditionally defined as an, “individual’s affective response varying in the amount of satisfaction, gratification, or happiness with his or her marriage” (Shriner, 2009, p. 83). Martial satisfaction is often used as a global best measure of marital quality. The Quality of Marriage Index, for example, is a six-item measure of marital quality, which only includes questions that relate to marital satisfaction (Norton, 1983). Fincham and Bradbury (1987), found that the Marital Adjustment Test (Locke and Walace, 1959), which is purposed to assess overall marital quality, has 22% of the possible score on this assessment as marital happiness. The Dyadic Adjustment Scale (Spanier, 1976), another measurement that is commonly used to assess marital quality, assesses for satisfaction and other aspects of marriage including dyadic consensus, cohesion, and affection expression. However, these subscales although admirable, all assess for compatibility, which indirectly points back to satisfaction within the relationship. To be more clear, satisfaction and compatibility go hand it hand with the American glamorization of romantic love and the assumptions that if spouse are compatible and satisfied, these are the ingredients to a long happy marriage (Crawford, Houts, Huston, & George, 2002). Crawford et. al (2002) mentioned that, “the consistency of the link found between companionship and satisfaction has been such that the notion that companionship is some how ‘good’ for marriage has acquired the status of a cultural truism” (p.