The Selfishness of Self-reliance While being self-sufficient and independent sounds nice, it can sometimes come at a cost. That cost is loneliness. There is an increasing number of Americans who want independence. However, when they finally reach the independence they have been craving, they also get something else they didn’t bargain for—loneliness. Americans want their own things: their own country, their own government, and their freedoms. The idea of independence has been rooted in American culture since its inception and has since been influencing Americans today. This attitude comes off as selfish in a way. And that sparks the question: It is selfish to be self-reliant? Self-reliance, if unchecked, will lead to loneliness. Sociologist Philip Slater wrote about how we all want our own homes, cars, and other possessions. However, in the pursuit of those things, we tend to disconnect from those around us and start to feel lonely. In the Lonely American by Jacqueline Olds and Richard Schwartz, the psychiatrist couple writes about why loneliness is such an epidemic. There are many explanations for the widespread problem of …show more content…
I believe loneliness is not the real epidemic America is facing; it’s othering. So, the question, as Olds and Schwartz outlined, isn’t “How do we solve loneliness?” but rather, “How do we stop othering?”. Unfortunately, I don’t think we can. Othering is such an integral part of American history that it is influential in everything Americans do even today. Besides being partly responsible for racism, homophobia, and gender inequality, othering has been responsible for the low self-esteem, so many Americans face. We live in a culture where we are too worried about what other people think of us and become our own biggest critics. This mindset leads to loneliness because at times we feel that we don’t belong, even though we are just making that up. There is an implied othering that lies within the
I-Chieh Chen (2015) in The study The Scale for the Loneliness of College Students in Taiwan (http://www.ccsenet.org/journal/index.php/jedp/article/download/46795/25238) stated that Loneliness was initially studied by Sullivan (1953) (A Peplau, D Perlman, LA Peplau… - Loneliness: A …, 1982 - peplaulab.ucla.edu) who proposed that loneliness was an unpleasant and intense experience related to unsatisfied requirements for intimacy (http://www.ccsenet.org/journal/index.php/jedp/article/download/46795/25238). Sullivan’s research was all but neglected in his time. This neglect lasted until 1973, when Weiss, an American scholar who was an adherent of Bowlby’s attachment theory, published an article entitled “Loneliness: the experience of emotional and social isolation” (RS Weiss - 1973 - psycnet.apa.org).
Always put others’ needs before your own. Putting others’ needs before your own is being selfless and is not always easy. In NightJohn by Gary Paulsen, a slave named NightJohn goes to help others even when putting them before himself might not be easy or safe.
In the absence of friends and companions, people begin to ache from loneliness. Loneliness is an unavoidable, fact
Through his novel, Steinbeck shows how loneliness can cause people to turn hostile, and constantly want to fight because they have no one to really talk to, they also act desperately due to their loneliness, and do things they normally wouldn’t. Loneliness can have terrible effects on people’s behavior, but it can be fixed. All that is necessary is a kind and patient friend willing to bridge the gap and bring the lonely person out of their misery, giving them someone to talk to and to confide in. If those people had someone there for them, they would no longer feel like screaming, or snapping at anyone who tries to talk to them, and they would go back to being happier, more content people.
The purpose of Philip Slater’s book The Pursuit of Loneliness is to “reach some understanding of the forces which are unraveling our society” for his readers (xxii). It is a common conception that America is the best country, an idea which is substantiated by economic figures. However, Americans are not happy. According to Slater, “all societies frustrate certain human needs and satiate others (because) humanity and any particular society’s idea of what humanity should be is never very exact” (2). In America, the gap between reality and perception is growing farther and farther apart, at human expense. Americans work their entire lives for the future, in the pursuit of economic security, which ultimately leads to continued unhappiness in the present. American culture “struggles more and more violently to maintain itself, (but) is less and less able to hide its fundamental antipathy towards human life and human satisfaction” (122). Slater’s book teaches people about the existence of the “wide gap between the fantasies Americans live by and the realities they live in,” in the hopes that this will inspire people to react in positive ways (xxiii).
Several studies also asserted that loneliness is correlated with aging itself (Tijhuis et al, 1999; Victor et al, 2000) and that there was a gradual increase in loneliness up to the age of 90 (Holmen, 1992). This increasing trend can be attributed to interactions with other factors due to additive nature of risk factors for loneliness and social isolation (Victor et al, 2000).
With the development of modern society, many people say that the society has become miserable, and people only care their own profit. The self-interest is becoming the object of attacking. Thereupon, when we mention self- interest, people always mix up the concept of self-interest with selfishness. As we all known, the idea of selfishness is, “Abusing others, exploiting others, using others for their own advantage – doing something to others.” (Hospers, 59) Selfish people have no ethics, morals and standards when they do anything. At the same time, what is self – interest? Self- interest can be defined as egoism, which means a person is, “looking out for your own welfare.” (Hospers, 39) The welfare people talk about is nothing more than
The first influential factor to the atrophy of social life that Eitzen writes about is moving away. Americans nowadays are always on the go – if moving is the most convenient idea, they will move with no regard to formed relationships that will soon be broken. People are often forced to move in order to follow a job or because of problems within the family. Constantly moving about causes a decline in intimate relationships. This is also true in people who live alone. The lack of regular and reliable social interaction can lead to a less sociable personality and less motivation to form real relationships. Real relationships are what lead to a healthy social life.
What do people think of when they hear the word solitude? For many, it evokes a negative connotation, but in reality, those same people carry false associations with the word. Solitude is the state of being alone. It is not the same as being lonely, which is the dread of being alone. Despite these erroneous myths of solitude perpetuating many minds, the truth is that everyone can benefit from solitude. Humankind’s greatest inventions were conceived and developed in isolation, and even with this fact, many individuals do not realize what is lost without solitude. William Deresiewicz, author of “The End of Solitude”, reflects on how society no longer appreciates solitude and how technology is responsible for it. Additionally, Susan Cain, author
Selfish people are only concerned with their wants and with their own happiness. They do not feel obligated in any way to help others with what they need. Because they do not value other people, this can lead to a lonely life full of unhappiness.
Stephen Marche Lets us know that loneliness is “not a state of being alone”, which he describes as external conditions rather than a psychological state. He states that “Solitude can be lovely. Crowded parties can be agony.”
Loneliness is the sadness resulting from being forsaken or abandoned. John Steinbeck brought up the theme of loneliness in many characters in Of Mice and Men. Crooks, Curley?s wife, and Candy expressed the theme of loneliness in many different forms throughout the story. Early in the novella George said, life working as ranch hands is on the loneliness lives to live, for these people finding friendship seems to be impossible.
In life people are be alone by choice, no matter if it was flat out what the wanted or alone due to some kind of forced circumstance that grew out of a previous choice they made, but when it comes down to it loneliness is never truly desired. In the short stories A Painful Case and Eveline we see examples of each type of loneliness. In A Painful Case Mr. Duffy for the most part of his life chooses to be alone. In Eveline, Eveline seems to be lonely because she’s unable to leave her duties to her family. In both stories the main characters display their desire to have someone near but when they’re finally given the chance it’s inevitably taken away from them, and then they’re driven back into the entrapment of loneliness.
...e or friendship. We are taught that we don't have an identity if we are alone. Which is why we treat loneliness as a disease, one to be avoided at any cost. Loneliness is viewed as an inadequacy of our personalities. Though all of us are taught to be independent, our independence is superficial. We can cook, clean, and do our laundry but we can't seem to take care of our emotions independently. We are taught that we need to share all our emotions. And I believe that however hard we search we can never get the kind of understanding that we are looking for. We are taught to be uncomfortable in our own world. Society conditions us to believe that we are inadequately equipped to be alone and content. And that alone always means lonely.
Loneliness is something that a lot of people fear. It can be a feeling that nobody is there, as if you are alone in the world with nothing but your thoughts. The silence and the boredom can get to people, but for me, I'm fueled by it. When I am alone I can focus, I can get things done and find true peace. The anxiety and stress of life slips away when I'm left with nothing to do and no one to talk to. When I am left to myself my body and mind is able to recharge from the tasks that have recently drained me. I am able to rest and calm down, knowing that there is no one around me. There are a lot of people out there who find this odd, that the way they see it is that being by yourself at home is boring a waste of time if you can be out and do things. Well, that's probably because they are an extrovert, and I'm an introvert. Being an introvert is commonly confused with disliking being out with friends and doing exciting things with others, but that's totally wrong. I enjoy my times with others and I got out with my friends all the time, but there is a point, and certain times when I need to be by