I never try to get into a state where I feel absolutely lonely because when that happens, that usually places me into the mindset that I need to get dressed and go out to whatever club that meets my satisfaction just so that I can get some attention from a man. And usually those men are only interested in empty conversations of the how are you doings, knowing that in reality they could actually careless because the only thing that they are truly concerned about is getting in your bed that night or theirs, whichever one would be more comfortable for me. And honestly my comfort would never stoop to that level but I have to admit the attention was great and would satisfy my craving enough for me to be good for about two weeks or so until I needed another fill-up on the attention scale. After a night out, I would just go home with a smile on my face and lie in my bed and wonder about the people who will be receiving phone calls from the men who I have met because if one thing is for sure, I don’t hand out my real number, I hand out a fake one.
However, handing out a fake one did turn out to get me in trouble once. I found myself standing at the bar with a great dress on that covered my body in the most elegant of fashion. Black of course because let’s be honest, black is a slimming color that works with every woman if she works it right and I always do. Anyways, a man approached and offered to buy me a drink and of course, I had to do the honors and accept because wine now a days can be a bit costly almost ten dollars a glass and that can go towards things like gas, lunch money for a few days, or even a nice new eye shadow palette tha...
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...s eyes off me while at the altar, telling me how God spoke to him in that moment and told me that I was the one for him. Well it wasn’t until two years and an engagement later that I met not one of his kids but two. A meeting that came with him getting served papers for not paying child support. He told me he was a virgin.
Which is one of the main reasons why I can’t lie, I sometimes find myself chatting with the green eyed monster of jealousy every time I see my friend Rebecca. Her and her husband were both non-virgins who recommitted their life to Christ. They dated and didn’t even share a single kiss until their wedding day. They wanted to keep their love pure so that God would bless their relationship in the best possible way that He could.
And I’m just sitting here on another lonely night sipping some wine asking God when will mines come.
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