Thick As Thieves Is An Engaging Action Heist Script
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THICK AS THIEVES is an engaging action-heist script. The script offers a very likable protagonist in the character of Lamb aka The Prowler. The goal is clear and the stakes are high. The script poses the question if someone can really change or if once a thief, always a thief.
There are definite strengths to the storytelling and a lot to like about the characters and the plot, but at the same time the script would benefit from more development in the area of structure, especially the pace. There are some story choices that are also worth discussing.
First, the opening does an engaging job of establishing the ordinary world of Lamb. It’s a lot of fun to watch him break into the penthouse, talk to the dog, and almost get caught. The action is skillfully crafted. There’s good anticipation and suspense. The audience is hooked.
The idea of stealing the diamonds is the inciting event and the catalyst that changes Lamb’s world. The idea that he wants this to be their “last” job is a bit cliché. This type of plot beat has been done before.
Also, the structure’s pace should be enhanced. Lamb should be locked into the mission by the end of the first act. He seems to get locked in only after he watches the flash drive around page 36. Thus, try to move this up. Once he’s locked in, the second act should be driven by their plan of action to break into the bank while overcoming obstacles.
The attack on Lamb and Owen comes late in the structure too. It comes around page 72. Consider moving this up to the midpoint. Remember, action is about strong pace. Scenes and dialogue need to be trimmed. Dialogue actually slows the pace. For example, the conversation that Lamb has with Ruby about her rescue group feels too long and over emphasized....
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...try with Lamb.
While dialogue is consistent to the characters, the overall script is heavily dialogued. Avoid question and answer type of scenes (page 60). Avoid clichés, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Avoid repeating dialogue or jokes about Lamb having to jump off the balcony/building (in the opening). However, there’s room to elevate some witty one-liners for both Owen and Lamb.
The overall tension has room to be intensified with the killing of Owen, more police pressure on Lamb (he’s a suspect, but they aren’t very proactive) and in the climax.
The script is professionally formatted. It does get a bit confusing when last names of the characters are used in the character heading, but the characters call them by their first name (page 28 – calls him Gabe).
In summary, the script is worth considering, but as suggested, also consider some revisions.