Short Story: Induction

Induction
Narrator: A savage drunken man named Sly Sly walks down the street with a bottle of vodka in hand illegally because this man doesn’t care about anything.
Sly: Ughhh, I’m so hungover right now *gulps down a bottle of vodka*
Sly: Pull out an entire case of vodka from overcoat
Narrator: He continues to walk down the street without maintaining his balance or dignity.
Sly: I’m feeling a bit DISORIENTED right now, what should I do?
Narrator: As his neurons were being destroyed by the dangerous amount of vodka that he had consumed, he fell like the foolish man that he would soon be considered throughout the land of Jersey. This WASTED man decides to sit next to some almost sober fellas and talks gibberish to them.
Sly: Hey, you guys

You seem kinda wasted.
Sly: No, no dude, I’m fine *throws up on the side of the bench*
Guy #2: *checks on Sly to make sure that he is okay* You alright homie?
Sly: *begins laughing and having awkward eye contact* Heyyyy dude, y’know you have really niceee eyes brooo? Didn’t notice them till now (thinking that he is guy one lmao) *chugs third bottle of vodka*
Guy #1: Dude, I think you’re really-
Narrator: It was at this moment that the alcohol finally caused Sly to pass out. (mumbles to himself) Finally.
The insanity that followed is one that would make him be remembered across the land of Jersey. On the streets, people would chuckle at the oddness of this situation.
A white van drives insanely down the street, breaking almost every law there is, but the driver of said van does not care at all. The van stops in front of the two guys at the bus stop and the drunken fellow who may or may not be in a comma at the moment.
Lord: *Comes out of the van like he didn’t just commit high stake crimes against the land of Jersey* Hellllo, my darlings!!!! Oh my goodness gracious!! This man! He is perfect! He shall be a part of my entourage. for sure!!!
Guy #1: Are you sure, boss?
Guy #2: Yeah, I think this guy is just a bad