Personal Narrative: My Synchronized Skating Team's Program

Hitting the ending pose of my synchronized skating team’s program at the 2017 Mozart Cup in Austria, I felt my eyes well up from joy and pride. Crying of happiness is a peculiar oxymoronic phenomenon, one I have so far only experienced through my skating career. Reflecting on my nine-year skating journey from stumbling around at my local rink to this moment - winning my first international competition as a member of the Team USA - the exhaustion disappeared from my limbs and was replaced by exhilaration.

As a young, ambitious athlete, my body is my tool, something I can push and train to bolster my performance. Progressing through the ranks, I have become known as a flexibility skater; my bendy spine is my greatest asset, allowing me to perform

Suddenly I was facing an irreversible, and inevitably worsening, condition that impacted the majority of my body. I could no longer brush off the strange discomfort of wearing backpacks or sitting for long periods of time; there was something actually wrong with me.

After seeing a specialist, it became clear that while my curve did not require immediate attention, it had progressed to the point that surgery to fuse the majority of my spine would be unavoidable in the future. Every time I stepped on the ice during the following five months, all I could imagine was a steel rod fusing my back, ending my flexibility, and along with it, my skating career.

The uncertainty of my future has proven to be even more of a mental obstacle than a physical one. While my diagnosis was unpredictable and threw a curve into my identity (literally), I have regained a sense of control over my situation. On late nights when my back muscles ache, I explore the internet to discover the treatment options available to me. I read scholarly articles comparing the effectiveness of posterior vs. anterior instrumentation, watch videos of other girls' stories, and investigate long-term pros and cons of undergoing surgery. I scrutinize various incision techniques, inquire into scar healing, and weigh the probabilities of returning to high-level athletics. While such information cannot