Mexican American Dual Culture

Like many others in the U.S who have roots in another country, I have a dual personality that was created by the emergence of two distinct cultures and two distinct social settings. At home my Mexican parents taught me about our Mexican culture. However, outside of the protection my home granted I was bombarded with the reality that I am on American soil and my citizenship declares me being faithful to this country. I struggled in defining myself because I felt I was part of two completely different worlds. An internal mental divide soon grew rapidly caused by my ancestral roots and holding an “American” citizenship. As a child, my parents constantly reminded me that I was blessed to be in this country: a place where social mobility is possible,

I was marginalized by both social groups and this made me feel so inferior and alone. However, there came a moment in my adolescence where I experienced relief, validation, but ultimately a connection. My feelings of being excluded from both groups are perfectly captured, in the film “Selena” where the father describes the struggle of Mexican-Americans and their dual-experiences with language growing up:

“we are Mexican American…Anglos jump all over you if you don’t speak English perfectly, Mexicans jump all over you if you don’t speak Spanish perfectly, we gotta be twice as perfect as anybody else...we gotta prove to the Mexicans how Mexican we are and the Americans how American we are, we gotta be more Mexicans than the Mexicans and more American than the Americans, both at the same time. It’s exhausting.”

This moment defined how I felt growing up. Mexicans saw me as white because of my nationality, whites saw me as Mexican because of my brown skin. I recall I would compete with my Mexican relatives by seeing who could down the most chile on their tacos. I tried so hard being American by excelling in classes and pursing “American goals.” Yet nothing worked because I remained being socially categorized as an outsider from both

I grew up loving both cultures but I always felt that I was ni de aqui or ni de aya. It was not until I entered UCLA where I immersed myself in studies that discussed about the creation of identity, intersectionality, and different social groups that exists. It was also here where I quickly learned about the injustices that are systematically produced in order or maintaining people of color oppressed and stuck in poverty and crime. I felt like the knowledge I was consuming gave me a new perspective towards the world and where I