Creative Writing: Unconsciousness

Unconsciousness

About seven years ago, on a hot summer afternoon, at my lovely lake house with my warm hearted dad, my neighbor Jim, my dog Kona, and Jim’s dog Hoot. The dogs were playing around very rudely. Would it be possible if they could knock me down? Also sort've biting each other, they were not being respectful at all.
“Break it up dogs!” as I used a gentle shout.
“Thump” My head hit a rock. “Bump, Bump, Bump” my head throbbing. I was on the ground crying and dizzy because I had hit my head on a rock. I did not tell my dad because I scared he will yell at me, and I of course did not know had a concussion. As I thought, Did I crack my head open? I knew I was strong enough to fight through the pain. About thirty minutes later my dad

The dogs were playing around very rudely. Would it be possible if they could knock me down? Also sort've biting each other, they were not being respectful at all.
“Break it up dogs!” as I used a gentle shout.
“Thump” My head hit a rock. “Bump, Bump, Bump” my head throbbing. I was on the ground crying and dizzy because I had hit my head on a rock. I did not tell my dad because I scared he will yell at me, and I of course did not know had a concussion. As I thought, Did I crack my head open? I knew I was strong enough to fight through the pain. About thirty minutes later my dad asked me,
“Do you want to go on a bike ride Jbird?”
I guess I gave him an answer with “Yes” because we went on a 15 mile bike ride in Adrian. As we went over the wooden bridge, all I heard then was “Dud Dud Dud” the sound of my rubber tires hitting the wooden planks.
After the chaos of the bike ride, I start to get a little dizzy and started to feel a little nauseous. We stopped at Wendy’s Fast Food restaurant on our way home and ate in. My dad realized I looked a little pale and wasn't acting my normal self. After we ate I

We stopped at Wendy’s Fast Food restaurant on our way home and ate in. My dad realized I looked a little pale and wasn't acting my normal self. After we ate I chattered,
“I have a stomach ache.”
“You are probably dehydrated, or a bit full, let's head home and go for a swim, Okay?” questioned my dad.
Once we are all done unpacking our bikes, we head inside to change into our two piece, beach wear (My father put on his charcoal colored swim trunks). Once we got into the calm, charming water,
“Blah”. The sound of me throwing up in the water.
I kept determining if I should get out of the water right away. I ended up getting out and went up to my bedroom to change out of my courageous colored two piece bathing suit. I layed in my bed until my mother got home from work. I was tough and closed my eyes, I woke up to my mother kissing me on the forehead. She took me to the emergency room in our white, rusty ranger.
When we get to the hospital I am asked to change into an ugly white and green gown, at least I am able to change into one. Feeling dizzy and nauseous, they put me into a very, very lovely and comfortable hospital bed (not) and took me into a room with a big white machine. All I remember them note