Hearing of a loss can be tough. Sometimes, you immediately begin preparations to go, but at other times, you hesitate. What are the rules and should I go? Will I be out of place if I do, or will I be sorry if I don’t? Always trust your judgement. If you feel you have to go, or simply can’t, then follow your heart. But if you have any doubts, here are a few guidelines to help sort it all out.
FAMILY relationships are the hardest to sort out, since many families are fragmented over time. Some have been changed by distance when one family member relocates. Others are stressed by family dynamics. When there is a loss, people must make decisions. If the distance is manageable, then you should attend. Closure is very important, and our social norms
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While it sounds strange, we choose our friends based on common interests, so we develop a special relationship. When we say goodbye to a friend, we must attend the visitation and services.
THOSE WITH AN IMPACT ON YOUR LIFE may come from social circles such as church, school, clubs, organizations, unions, or political groups. These people may be acquaintances or friends, and they may or may not be close in the same ways as the other segments of your circle. You can decide your comfort level. While you were totally at ease with them, you may not be with their whole family, and this will have a part in your decision. However, if the one who passed had a profound impact on your life, then you should go and say goodbye.
BUSINESS ASSOCIATES are difficult to assess. If you were friends as well, or had a close working relationship, then go. If you simply spoke in the hallway, you are not required to do so. Companies can be quite large, and you may not have any reason to associate with someone other than work. You can send a card or some flowers and rest assured that you are fine. If, however, the person was a leader in the business, you may want to attend the visitation and pay your respects, but are not required to attend the
From a young age most people have gone through many relationships with other people who were not their family. Thus, we often acknowledge these relationships as friendships. But the word friend is too broad, so people categorize their friends to several types. In her book “Necessary Losses: The Lovers, Illusions, Dependencies and Impossible Expectations That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Grow”, Judith Viorst divided friendships to six types. Those are convenience friends, special Interest friends, historical friends, crossroad friends, cross-generation friends and close friends. In my life, I have been friend with many people since I was little. Although I have met all six kinds of friend of Viorst, convenience friends and close friends are two important kinds of friends in my life.
Life happens, and so does death as it is also a part of life. Moreover, in many cases, some of us will have to go through the experience of anticipating death in ourselves or in a loved one as opposed to a sudden death in the family. In other words, both the family and the person involved start to grieve, even before the parting actually takes place.
Losing someone you love or care deeply about is very painful. And although the grieving period is tough and sometime lengthy it can be easier if all the facts are known. Being able to bury a loved one only is the beginning of a long agonizing period but there is some comfort in seeing your loved one for the last time and celebrating their life while sending them off in a way that honors them and what they mean to you. A memorial that you can go visit and for some a place to still be able to talk to that loved one. Families need closure and to find closure you need to see the body to know for sure it was in fact your family member. Otherwise left with questions as to who, what, when, where, how. Not knowing these things can really make people hold on to those thoughts. Did he or she go peacefully? Was he or she calling out for anyone? Was there a lot of pain? Although many times these questions aren’t easily answered but there is peace in knowing certain things when you lose someone that you hold dearly in your heart. Some may hold on to the thought that since there is no body maybe, just maybe my loved one is still alive and coming home. These types of holes that lack filling can cause depression, stress, and a never ending grieving period. So there is no telling how I would go through or get through it rather not knowing that what happened and where my
Such experiences include “children, marriage, aging, death, birth, college” (West & Turner, 2016). With the lessons learned with friendships earned and lost over the duration of childhood, there may be some hesitancy on having a person becoming a potential friend in the future. People take things slow, take more time to know the person to determine if this will be either a meaningful friendship that would benefit both people or if it will be just a type of friendship which is just acquaintances and nothing more. There will be at times when that relationship will seem to wane or known as “Waning friendship…friendship intimacy bonds begin to decay; friends spend less and less time together” (West & Turner, 2016). This can happen for a number of reasons such as growing apart, different points of life for two individuals, and loss of interest. As adults, we have essentially categorized ourselves into business professional, student, relaxed, church, etc. Sometimes certain connections to certain circles don’t overlap with others because of the vast differences between them. It is perfectly normal to have casual friendships that don’t require constant meet-ups while other friendships are much closer and intimate because of a familiar
Our society likes to have things neat and clean. Things should be done orderly, follow a step by step agenda, and have a proper timetable. When things don’t fit in the mold that society offers, then it is most often assumed that something is wrong. The same is true for a person in grief. Society will allow you a short time grieve and cry. It is expected after the loss of a loved one for a short period of time. However, if it goes on too long they will reject the person as carrying on with their mourning for too long.
I am not going to lie it will be awkward because of course the person is not passed yet but the person who the living funeral is for will be very happy and very appreciative of what people have to say for the person because what will those words mean to the person’s funeral later on when they are not there to hear it. I would be comfortable going to living funeral and would love to honor the person who will be passing and just tell them what they did from me in my life and how much they meant to me. No one knows how much something matters to them until they realize it is gone before their eyes. Be appreciative what you have because some one else might not have
I can’t begin to express how hard it is for me to stand here before you and give my last respects to my loving mother - name here. From the biography that was handed out you can recall that during the her early years in the united states she studied and worked in New York where she met and married my dad, the love of her life. They spent the rest of their days loyal and in love with one another. Unfortunately, one day my father passed away with cancer at a young age. My dad was the one who suffered the most, but my mom suffered right along with him. She felt powerless, and for my mom- powerlessness turned in to guilt and grief, a painful distress she lived with on a daily basis for the next six years. When he died part of her died! Life for her was never the same again. I was not able to completely understand her loss- until now…
Changes in friends happen to everybody for different reasons. This is evident when looking at the way physical separation between people leads to a weakening in friendship and then an end in friendship all together as time continues. While keeping in touch with a few people is natural, moving or a change in setting will cause an end in friendship because new people will replace old friends from the previous setting and a place’s social environment may change that friend into someone completely new.
I have been very fortunate to have known my maternal and paternal grandparents and great-grandparents. We enjoy a close family and always have. Sadly, my first experience with a close death was when my paternal grandma died at the age of sixty-four of colon cancer. I was in the ninth grade when she died and hers’ was the first wake and funeral I had experienced. I remember having nightmares for weeks after the funeral. As I grew older, I lost my
For example, discussing your loss with the cashier at the grocery store is unlikely to help you move forward with your life. Similarly, psychologists point out that having numerous conversations with just one person about your loss can lead to burnout on the part of your chosen confidante. These approaches might also have a detrimental effect if you feel as if the people you are talking to are withdrawing or somehow disapprove of your openness. In fact, loneliness and isolation as the result of losing their social networks is a common problem among those who have lost loved ones.
I believe we will decide on if we move or not based on if the benefits outweigh the costs. If it will benefit the whole entire family then we will move, if not then we don’t move. We will have to consider the friends and family we will leave behind. But all in all we will make the decision together. I believe that making the decision together is more practical
Dealing with the grief of a loved one is not an easy task. Only time can heal the pain of someone you’re used to be around is suddenly gone. When my uncle passed it was the first experience with death in which I was old enough to understand. Nobody really close to my family had passed away before, so I was unprepared with the pain and sadness that came with it. I also thought about it but I never really thought of something like this happening to me. I wish I had spent more time with my uncle, but I never thought about it because I never thought he would passing away so quickly. This is always why it is good for every day to show your family how much you love and appreciate them because you never know when their last day on earth is.
The first type of friend is simply an acquaintance. This means that you basically only know their name. You might not even remember what they look like if you go away for a short vacation. Usually, you meet these type of friends in school, at work, on the bus, in the gym, or anywhere else you might be. You normally would not mind having a cup of coffee with them, but if anything else came up, you usually would have no problem parting company.
The funeral and wake were especially difficult because of having to stand in the greeting line. Having to greet everyone is truly annoying. This is especially true when you don’t know who most of the people are, and when you yourself are under emotional duress. That point aside, it was very interesting to see the reactions of the different people. One thing I noticed was the conversations between my father’s cousins. They were depressed, but not because of the death. The overall tone was “who’s going to be next”; they were all in their fifties and sixties. At this time I was 25 years
“Hi-Bye” friends (or acquaintances). These are the ones you see in school/work because the context called for it. You say hi when you see each other and you say bye at the end of the day, but that’s about it. The relationship never lasts when the context is removed i.e. when you graduate from school or leave the workplace.