Talking About Death

Discussing Death: Talking about Death in Effective Ways Helps Bring Healing from Grief

Communicating is part of human nature. Experts point out that people use talking and other forms of communicating to achieve a variety of goals, from bringing about change to affecting the decisions and actions of others, to building relationships, to exchanging information about ourselves, and more.

It is only natural, then, that when it comes to some of our deepest and most distressing experiences, the experiences of grief, talking is the most healing way to deal with them. As anyone who has dealt with grief knows, the many strong and variable emotions that accompany the experience (ranging from sadness to anger to depression) can be crippling. Unless

For example, discussing your loss with the cashier at the grocery store is unlikely to help you move forward with your life. Similarly, psychologists point out that having numerous conversations with just one person about your loss can lead to burnout on the part of your chosen confidante. These approaches might also have a detrimental effect if you feel as if the people you are talking to are withdrawing or somehow disapprove of your openness.

In fact, loneliness and isolation as the result of losing their social networks is a common problem among those who have lost loved ones. Their friends and family are naturally inclined to avoid discussions of death, and may unintentionally send the message that they do not want to hear about the mourner's loss, a message that can make it more difficult for the mourner to deal with their grief in a meaningful way.

Thankfully, it is possible to have conversations about grief that are productive, healing, and restorative. The key is to have these discussions in a healthy manner and with the right people. In general, psychologists define three important elements needed to have productive discussions about grief: Memories, rituals, and supportive

As such, healing conversations about grief should involve memories about the loved one. For example, discussing a piece of memorial jewelry, going through a scrapbook, or watching a video of a loved one can give rise to fond remembrances. Even parties intended to celebrate the life of the deceased can also be useful for the mourners because they focus on remembering the best parts of the loved one's life. These memories help to form the foundation for healing after a loss.

Rituals provide a way to forge a lasting remembrance of the loved one and provide closure that can help the mourner to move forward.

Similarly, rituals provide a way to remember the loved one and find closure. The need for customs around death have led to funerals, memorial services, cremation, and other ways of honoring a loved one. Whether it be keeping a journal, creating a photo album, designing a piece of jewelry or ordering a headstone, these actions allow us to honor our loved one in a way that is meaningful to us.

Grief expert William Worden says that activities such as these create a lasting connection to the deceased without keeping the mourner stuck in their grief. Instead, these connections free the mourner to move on with their lives because they know that they will always have a way to remember their loved one and revisit their memories of their loved one whenever they need