The Need for Understanding the Differences:
An Opinion on Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
In order to have a good communication, men and women have to understand and trust one another. In a book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus John Gray shows the differences that men and women have. Also, Gray points out plenty of techniques and ideas that men and women can use to make their relationships much stronger and happier. I argue that John Gray's book is very helpful, informative, and insightful because his guidance helped me to understand my girlfriend's temperament and differences. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus is a useful book to read and look into. The information which is provided in the book can definitely help men and women to develop special skills and knowledge which will help their relationships.
In the first chapter Gray explains that it is as if men and women are from different planets. He states, "Without the awareness that we are supposed to be different, men and women are at odds with each other" (Gray 10). By this quote Gray is saying that not knowing these differences men and women will have conflicts and frustrations in their relationships. Furthermore, most men and women do not know the differences between each other, and they end up fighting and breaking up. John Gray does a great job explaining men's and women's differences in the book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.
In Chapter Two, Gray explores men's and women's values and their differences. He points out two very important negative factors that men and women often use, "Men mistakenly offer solutions and invalidate feelings while women offer unsolicited advice and direction" (Gray 17, 21). Likewise, most of men ...
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All of those techniques can make a world of difference, especially those that have to do with improving communication. As Dr. John Gray explains, "These differences can come between the sexes and prohibit mutually fulfilling loving relationships" (Gray 263).
After reading the book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, the relationships with my girlfriend have improved dramatically. I learned how to understand, listen, and approach my girlfriend in a better way. This book can help not only me and Valerie with our difficulties, but other men's and women's relationships. I strongly recommend that men and women read this book because it can definitely change the way they think, feel, perceive, react, respond, love, need and appreciate.
Works Cited
Gray, John. Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. New York: HarperCollins, 1992
It is not all about communication” . It says that not surprisingly those couples who reported communicating more effectively showed the highest satisfaction with their relationships. But the next two reasons which were also the only other ones with strong links to couple happiness, were knowledge of partner which included everything from knowing their pizza-topping preferences to their hopes and dreams and life skills like being able to hold a job, manage money, etc . But in order to have a healthy relationship I do believe that the communication is key but they also do need to know how to communicate in a healthy way that will not cause
Recently the world has adopted the position of attacking men for everything they do however, women could learn a few things from men. Wente presents many attributes which women could adopt from men in order to be seen in a better light in society. For example she argues “Men get to the point” because “They don’t think emotions are all that interesting. Women are overly sensitive to emotions.” (Par. 4). Wente believes that if women were to suppress their sensitivity to emotions society would function more smoothly because more things
Chapter 9 Gendered Close Relationships is about stereotypes for men and women ideas on how to behave in relationships. The expectations for male and female in a relationships have been set by their gender roles. The meaning of personal relationships is where partners depend on each other for various things from affection to material assistance. Partners are expected affection, companionship and energy. The two main models of personal relationships are male deficit model and alternate paths model. Male deficit model suggests male lack skills in developing relationships with others. In alternate paths model, men and women just have different ways to sustain a relationship. It’s not that men lack skills but men show it in a different way.
Zeilinger believes that not only women suffer from oppressive gender roles. Men often suffer just as much if not more. She seeks to expose the issues men face in todays society. Guys do have emotions, and when they come, they must face a big dilemma. They can either disconnect from their human emotions or live in a “state of contradiction” against their “manliness.” The traits that traditionally come with being a man are harmful to society. They are expected to be “cunning and take power and control instead of sharing it.” Men must be willing to point out weaker men in order to be above them. Zeilinger points out the adverse effect this mainstream mentality has. Guys are afraid to stray from the strict rules of manliness. If men go against the common standards they risk losing their identity as men. Those who choose to not follow these social norms are seen as a threat by those who are clinging to them. Gay men, for example often choose to stray from these norms. Zeilinger brings up a story of a friend who is gay and must overcome “male and female stigmas”. He often feels displaced as he does not fit in the realm of male or female roles. Zeilinger ends her article calling for change among both men and women in order to create a healthier
Dave Barry's book reminds me a lot of an episode of Seinfield: it's all about nothing. It tells the reader what guys are thinking(nothing) and what their "deal" is(nothing). While it does pretty much, well, nothing to help understand women or help women understand, the one thing it does do is hold true to the manufacturer's guarantee: you WILL laugh. You will not only laugh, but you will laugh hard. You will laugh hysterically, obnoxiously hard. You will want to share Dave Barry's insight on the male species with everyone you know and every stranger you meet, particularly so if they are women.
David Grazian’s study builds on Quinn’s research on men and women's interactions and Grazian finds similar results as Quinn did in her study. In the study of Grazian the performance of both men and women was driven by both genders trying to prove that they are as the audience (society) says they should be. Society has men believing that all women want only one type of man, a masculine man and society has woman believing that men want women who are quite, pretty and live to make their man happy. Both parties in both studies have been fooled by society and they don’t realize or understand
Why do relationships commonly end in disaster or slowly wither away to nothing? That question could be answered in many ways. Whether the answer lies within the women’s actions, the men’s actions or both, it is something that has been an ongoing occurrence for many years. A valid explanation is that society has different expectations for acceptable male and female behaviors, which ultimately ends is a double standard that ruins relationships. However, another idea that has been more commonly researched in today’s society is that women and men think completely different and just do not understand each other. Steve Harvey’s book, “Act like a Lady, Think like a Man” is a prime example of the assumption that women do not understand how men think or how they feel when it comes to relationships. This book specifically, gives a direct representation of how most men function in relationships and it provides guidelines and advice for women from a man’s perspective about how to have a successful relationship. Furthermore, Steve Harvey’s book also explains many stereotypes that are common in today’s society about relationships and sex.
In the story, “But What Do You Mean” by Deborah Tannen she talks about men and women having different ways of seeing things. Some of the things she talks about I believe in while the other things I believe that these things aren’t true. In the text it talks about many different things. It says women apologize to much while men don’t, women cannot take criticism as well as men, women say thank you to much where men don’t say thank-you enough, women and men don’t fight the same, women and men have different habits in regard to giving praise, women and men don’t compliment the same, and finally men can take jokes better than women.
Deborah Tannen is the author of the book You Just Don't Understand where she analyzes the different meanings of communication between men and women. Her research shows that women and men use the same words and phrases and yet can interpret and react to those same words and phrases differently. Tannen compares the two sexes to find men use their conversation as a type of competition or to preserve their independence. For example, men talk about their knowledge regarding sports, cars, women, exc. Meanwhile, women try to foster intimacy through communication. For instance, women often talk and relate on a personal level. Throughout Tannen's book she uses "cross-cultural communication" to describe the differences between the language of men and women. Tannen observed that, "For males, conversation is the way you negotiate your status in the group and keep people from pushing you around; you use talk to preserve your independence. Females, on the other hand, use conversation to negotiate closeness and intimacy; talk is the essence of intimacy, so being best friends means sitting and talking. For boys, activities, doing things together, are central. Just sitting and talking is not an essential part of friendship. They're friends with the boys they do things with" (Tannen 95).
Gray, John. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. New York: Harper Collins Publishers, 1992.
In Karen Horney's "The Distrust Between the Sexes," she attempts to explain the problems in the relationships between men and women. She writes that to understand the problem you must first understand that problems stem from a common background. A large amount of suspiciousness is due to people's intensity of emotions.
Do men and women effectively communicate in the same way, or is it just a conversation of misunderstanding? There is constantly a new interest in whether men and women converse successfully. Professor and journalist, Deborah Tannen writes, “Sex, Lies, and Conversation: Why Is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other?” Tannen compares and contrasts all conversational styles, and explains how the expectation of dialogue affects how men and women converse. Tannen focuses on the subject of marriage and the imbalance of interest between male and female couples. The contrasting perspective however comes from, Deborah Cameron, author of, “What Language Barrier”. Cameron conveys that the stereotypes left upon male and female communication
...a meaningful communication to take place. In conclusion, there are differences between men and women that go beyond social nurture. These differences have their origin in their genes. The differences evident in men and women are translated in their behavior and communication. There are possibilities of these differences in their turn raising the problem of failing to understand one another because in a communication men and women have a different set of expectations from each other. It is essential to understand and appreciate these differences for a meaningful communication to take place.
Overall, we can see that 200 years later we are still attempting to escape from the gender line created through society’s image of men and women. Men and women still fail to communicate their feelings within their relationships, resulting in an overall unhealthy marriage. Today women and men attempt to challenge these gender stereotypes by taking on the roles of the opposite gender, but like in the “Yellow Wallpaper” are immediately met with “heavy opposition” and disapproval through the process. Although we may seem as though we are improving in escaping from the gendered stereotypes, the past will always be recurrent in a majority of relationships today if dominance within the relationship is not equally balance between both sexes.
...or a relationship”. In genderlects, there is no superior or inferior method of communication, but rather, men and women just communicate differently. By understanding these differences, one can reduce the amount of misunderstandings in future conversations.