Relationships are amongst one of the most difficult things a human must create within their lifetime. Sadly enough, miscommunication happens with any type of relationship and some of the ones who suffer the most are mother-daughter relationships. Deborah Tannen, in her self-help book titled, You're Wearing That?: Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation, tells us that conversations between mothers and daughters are among the most comforting and the most hurtful (Tannen 164). This reading is an excerpt from her book that was written for mothers and daughters who cannot communicate and how small changes can help resolve their issues. In addition, this was written to describe the different principles that made the communication problem …show more content…
Tannen begins this excerpt by using a personal anecdote that revealed one of the lasts moments between her and her mother. The purpose of this anecdote was to introduce how important the topic is for Tannen and the reason why mothers and daughters should work on communication skills. Tannen’s audience is the myriad of mothers and daughters that cannot get along and the inclusion of the story helps build her emotional appeal towards that audience. In this book, Tannen dissects several real-life mother-daughter relationships in order to find better ways to …show more content…
Each story was relatable and was carefully taken apart to explain how the mothers and daughters should have reacted. What is amazing about this excerpt is that Tannen understands that not everyone will benefit from one opinion and one point of view, so Tannen interviews these wonderful women with stories and tells us how they solved it rather than letting the division of family take them apart. For example, the story between Gornick and her mother is interesting because the fight became very verbal. This was, however, a normal thing between them. In this particular story, Tannen explains why the fight happened and the solution. Tannen includes both her research and one of Edward Hall that says that adjusting the physical space to where it is comfortable can drastically change the outcome of the argument/ problem that keeps some mothers and daughters apart. “Just understanding the dynamics can help” (Tannen 168). The distance helps to establish how comfortable both people are with each other, once you stop getting closer the other person will stop going
In their articles, Chang Rae-Lee and Amy Tan establish a profound ethos by utilizing examples of the effects their mother-daughter/mother-son relationships have had on their language and writing. Lee’s "Mute in an English-Only World" illustrates his maturity as a writer due to his mother’s influence on growth in respect. Tan, in "Mother Tongue," explains how her mother changed her writing by first changing her conception of language. In any situation, the ethos a writer brings to an argument is crucial to the success in connecting with the audience; naturally a writer wants to present himself/herself as reliable and credible (Lunsford 308). Lee and Tan, both of stereotypical immigrant background, use their memories of deceased mothers to build credibility in their respective articles.
Intergenerational conflicts are an undeniable facet of life. With every generation of society comes new experiences, new ideas, and many times new morals. It is the parent’s job go work around these differences to reach their children and ensure they receive the necessary lessons for life. Flannery O’Connor makes generous use of this idea in several of her works. Within each of the three short stories, we see a very strained relationship between a mother figure and their child. We quickly find that O’Conner sets up the first to be receive the brunt of our attention and to some extent loathing, but as we grow nearer to the work’s characteristic sudden and violent ending, we grow to see the finer details and what really makes these relations
Anna Quindlen’s short story Mothers reflects on the very powerful bond between a mother and a daughter. A bond that she lost at the age of nineteen, when her mother died from ovarian cancer. She focuses her attention on mothers and daughters sharing a stage of life together that she will never know, seeing each other through the eyes of womanhood. Quindlen’s story seems very cathartic, a way of working out the immense hole left in her life, what was, what might have been and what is. As she navigates her way through a labyrinth of observations and questions, I am carried back in time to an event in my life and forced to inspect it all over again.
...cts of the mother and the descriptions, which are presented to us from her, are very conclusive and need to be further examined to draw out any further conclusions on how she ?really? felt. The mother-daughter relationship between the narrator and her daughter bring up many questions as to their exact connection. At times it seems strong, as when the narrator is relating her childhood and recounting the good times. Other times it is very strained. All in all the connection between the two seems to be a very real and lifelike account of an actual mother-daughter relationship.
The daughter alludes to an idea that her mother was also judged harshly and made to feel ashamed. By the daughters ability to see through her mothers flaws and recognize that she was as wounded as the child was, there is sense of freedom for both when the daughter find her true self. Line such as “your nightmare of weakness,” and I learned from you to define myself through your denials,” present the idea that the mother was never able to defeat those that held her captive or she denied her chance to break free. The daughter moments of personal epiphany is a victory with the mother because it breaks a chain of self-loathing or hatred. There is pride and love for the women they truly were and is to be celebrated for mother and daughter.
Whenever Waldine gets an award for school, her mother could not come to the ceremony because she is booked with work, though her mom makes up for her absences by being a big sister for Waldine. Since Waldine had two brothers, she did not know how it is like to have a big sister though her mother easily filled that void and was always there for her. If Waldine ever made mistakes, her mother would always comfort her and tell her that it is fine because people could learn from it. Waldine’s mother may not have been a great mom but she was someone that Waldine looked up to despite her flaws. Her mother does what she can for her kids knowing that she cannot be there when her children needs her the most and Waldine respected her for that due to her willingness to give up her time for them. Waldine was fortunate to get close with her mother because she was about to leave her and move to her dad’s place
The short story “I Stand Here Ironing” by Tillie Olsen is an example of a mother daughter struggle. From what I took from the story, the young mom herself had an extremely rough life. She had her daughter Emily at a young age and it did not end up picture perfect like she might have thought it would. Her mother had to work to support them, so she always sent Emily off to be cared by others. Sometimes she was sent far away and for a long period of time. This caused distance between them. This impacted Emily in a huge way. To the point where Emily does not like physical affection such as hugs from her mother. Her mother loves her dearly, but was not able to provide her with a great life a child should have lived. Sadly, there was not enough weighing on their relationship her mother welcomed a new husband and more children. Emily seemed to be pushed farther from the entire family.
No two mother and daughter relationships are alike. After reading “Everyday Use” by Alice Walker and “Two Kinds” by Amy Tan I realized that the two stories had the same subject matter: mother and daughter relationships. These two stories show different cultures, generations and parenting methods. Although the two mothers act differently, they are both ultimately motivated by the same desire: to be a good parent. In addition, while researching related articles, I realized that there were two recurring themes of mothers and daughters: respect and diverse ways of parenting.
The rifts between mothers and daughters continue to separate them, but as the daughters get older they become more tolerant of their mothers. They learn they do not know everything about their mothers, and the courage their mothers showed during their lives is astounding. As they get older they learn they do not know everything, and that their mothers can still teach them much about life. They grow closer to their mothers and learn to be proud of their heritage and their culture. They acquire the wisdom of understanding, and that is the finest feeling to have in the world.
Communication is the number one aspect of relationships because it is what allows the parent /child to become more familiar with each ones thoughts and feelings. “But he tells us he doesn’t have any homework or he did it all in study hall. How are we supposed to know what to believe?”(569) This example shows that Donny and Daisy are very distant. Daisy should have looked over his homework to show consideration as a parent to correct and make sure his work is completed, but instead she put too much trust in him that he took advantage of her.
Jamaica Kincaid has taken common advice that daughters are constantly hearing from their mothers and tied them into a series of commands that a mother uses to prevent her daughter from turning into "the slut that she is so bent on becoming" (380). But they are more than commands; the phrases are a mother's way of ensuring that her daughter has the tools that she needs to survive as an adult. The fact that the mother takes the time to train the daughter in the proper ways for a lady to act in their time is indicative of their family love. The fact that there are so many rules and moral principles that are being passed to the daughter indicates that mother and daughter spend a lot of time together.
Whenever someone mentions the word “mother”, one always tend to think of a very kind and caring figure who always whishes the best for her children. In the poem “Mother to Son” by Langston Huges, a mother is telling her son about the obstacles she had to overcome in order to get to the position she is in right now. There comes many moments in our life when we just want to give up and let fate handle everything. We face many difficulties that may not seem we can overcome but we should never give up right away. The mother in the poem is trying to convince her son to keep pushing and at the same time she is trying to set an example though her own past experience.
The study on the research article, Mothers and Mothers-in-law, compares the daughters’ relationship with their mothers and mothers-in-law; transitioning into parenthood, using family case studies. There were thirty-three young adult daughters, thirty mothers, and twenty-four mothers-in-law interviewed. Quantitative questionnaires were given to the daughters, their husbands, mothers, and mothers in-law. The daughters came from three small towns from western Massachusetts. Twenty-one of the daughters had children and twelve were without children. The oldest child was 2 ½ years old. Distance was used as a control variable to understand face to face contact. There were three independent variables in the analysis of the relationship: daughter parental
Research over the years has emphasized the role family has upon children within a family system. The role a mother plays for her children has been researched continuously for decades, often neglecting the impact of the father. With this lack of knowledge surrounding a father's paternal responsibilities and implications as a nurturer, it is important to examine the consequences of their actions on their children's future. Recently, research has begun to include the father's role, in particular to their daughter and features they look for in their romantic counterparts. If this research were to establish that young girls follow their father's prototype when choosing a romantic partner, parenting styles may change and fathers might become more involved. More importantly, fathers would know their role as not just the provider for material things but for emotional and psychological stability. Father daughter relationships are an important area to research because reports show that father involvement can be vital to children, improving their social skills and future adult relationships.
We now go on outings and plan fun trips together, two things we never did before. Fischer states in her article that “change in the mother-daughter bond entails a process of redefinition and renegotiation in terms of their relative statuses, their role perspectives, and their family structure” (Fischer 1981). My mother and I have redefined our relationship with each other through communication and actions. We have since began started relying on each other more, trusting each other, and changed our communication patterns that were mostly anger and frustration