Ordinary People Grief And Grief

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Recommended: Theories of grief

Maeve Bustell
Dr. Neidich
Honors English II (Period 8)
May 2, 2014
Ordinary People
Humans are funny. We laugh, we love, we cry- but all of this put together culminates into one blanket statement:
We feel.
Individually, everyone has their own methods of dealing with situations and emotions regardless of any positive or negative connotation affixed to them. One prime example of this comes with grief. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her 1969 book “On Death and Dying” suggests that there are five stages of mourning and grief that are universal and, at one point or another, experienced by people from all walks of life. These stages, in no particular order, are as follows: Denial and Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and finally Acceptance. Each individual person works through these stages in different orders for varying levels of time and intensity, but most if not all are necessary to “move on.” In order for positive change to occur following a loss, one must come to terms with not only the event but also themselves.
Ordinary People is a 1980 film based on a novel of the same name by Judith Guest that follows the gradual unraveling of a middle class family. Over the course of two hours viewers are led into the lives of parents Beth and Calvin and son Conrad as they try to navigate life in the wake of their beloved son Buck’s tragic passing. Each three respond very distinctively: Conrad delves into a severe bout of survivor’s guilt that leads to a suicide attempt and consequent 4 months spent in a psychiatric hospital, Beth retreats into a state of near numbness as she tries to continue on as normal, and finally Calvin who serves as the desperate glue trying to hold a family together that was split long before the accident. Each...

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...l- this same method is used when Beth leaves. Calvin is able to recognize his role in things as well as what happened and simply acknowledge the after-effects and continue to move on. Beth, however, did not to do in any way, shape, or form. Although she physically ‘moved on’ from the situation, she was unable to emotionally come to grips with things and as a result was unable to achieve change for the better. Overall, there is no way to tuck messy emotions into neat packages just as there is no typical response to loss as there is no typical loss. Our grief is as unique as our lives.
“Go back?" he thought. "No good at all! Go sideways? Impossible! Go forward? Only thing to do! On we go!" So up he got, and trotted along with his little sword held in front of him and one hand feeling the wall, and his heart all of a patter and a pitter.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

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