Peer Marriage
Throughout the past generations, including my parent's the family was defined as a traditional (patriarchal) relationship, where the male was the breadwinner and the female was the caretaker of the home and family. My generation has seen the materialization of what Pepper Schwartz describes a "peer marriage." Peer marriage is different from the traditional marriage in four key ways: men and women regard each other as full social equals, they both have careers, the partners share equal rights in decision making regarding finances, and compared to the past "traditional relationship" the male plays a greater role in the responsibility of raising the children (299).
Pepper Schwartz's research is trying to show the benefits of a egalitarian marriage, by saying that it offers the family more stability and that it may prove to be more durable when it is challenged by the contemporary culture and other social pressures. She suggests that when couples are able to function as a team when it comes to money issues or household issues they can achieve a better emotional compatibility. She also states that when a woman is working outside of the home she becomes a more interesting partner, she brings in new ideas into the family life. She also goes further to state that "...even though income creates independence and therefore opportunities for separation, the recognition that spouses would lose their mutually constructed lifestyle if the marriage ended has its own stabilizing effect" (302). Schwartz is saying that even thought that women would be more financially independent allowing them the opportunity to leave the marriage (a barrier that women had faced in the past, when trying to leave a relationship), their fina...
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...ole is more accepting of the fact that women can work and raise a family; this is shown by the increasing number of companies that are providing daycare center at the office or allowing parents with young children to have more flexible work hours. I plan to have an egalitarian relationship. I want to have the ability to support my family and myself if something were to happen. I feel that if you are in a marriage it is important for both partners to share all responsibilities equally. I do not want to feel that I owe my partner something because they are paying all of the bills. I want my husband and myself to participate equally in our children's lives. These are some of the reasons why I plan to have a peer relationship; I feel that it is important not only for maintaining the marriage, but for the tie that is created between both parents and their children.
When a man is considered to be the one who “brings home the bacon” and the wife is the one who takes care of the kids, are all forms of social construct. It is what society believe and perceive to be true. Women can play multiple roles than that. Today women run many corporate offices, women are not martial artist. Another norm is that it is mandatory to be married. It is looked down upon when someone is married, or a woman having a baby out of wedlock. Those are social structure of families. Unfortunately many people are not as fortunate to have both parents around, or having a male figure earn the income. That is not so much the norm this day and age. A couple can now live together, have children, and will never have the need to be married. Social Construct constantly change. Who knows? being married may once again be a great thing, and having a two parents in the home both earning a great income and taking care of their kids living happily ever after be the “Family Norms” again. Hmm,It will probably change in the next twenty
There appears to be widespread agreement that family and home life have been changing dramatically over the last 40 years or so. According to Talcott Parsons, the change in family structure is due to industrialization. The concept that had emerged is a new version of the domestic ideal that encapsulates changed expectations of family relations and housing conditions. The family life in the postwar period was highly affected. The concept of companionate marriage emerged in the post war era just to build a better life and build a future in which marriage would be the foundation of better life. Equality of sexes came into being after...
One definition is “a significant social group in society typically consisting of one or two parents and their children.” While such definition is a good starting point, some modern family structures are excluded by such definition. In her essay, “Family: Idea, Institution, and Controversy,” Betty Farrell apparently assumes that the traditional family has dramatically changed, and the dynamics of change—altered the definition of a “family.” A family is no longer a picture of a particular image of the mythic past, referring to the golden days of the “1950s.” It is no longer a father, mother and their biological children living together under one roof (and certainly not with the a breadwinner father and a stay-at-home mother). In today 's modern society, it is now common to see women raising their children by themselves without their husbands’ help; unmarried couples living together; and gay and lesbian couples—while far from being universally accepted—adopting and raising children to complete their families. Therefore, despite the children living in one-parent households, or they do not live with their “married-heterosexual-biological-parents” under the same roof—does not necessarily mean they are not families. Farrell states that “a family is defined not so much by a particular set of people as by the quality of relationships that bind them together.” In other words, Farrell believes that a “family” is more than just a collection
DeVault, C., Cohen, T., & Strong, B. (2011). The marriage and family experience: Intimate relationships in a changing society. (11th ed., pgs. 400-426). Belmont, CA: Wadsworth cengage learning.
These days, marriage contracts fortunately treat both men and women the same, and look at it as more of a partnership rather than a legal contract with economical advantages. (Bernstein, 2011) Today, women have more goals than getting married and having children, most want to go to college and having a successful career. It is normal for a woman to be completely successful all on her own without a husband. These days, a woman can be the bread winner of her family while her husband is a stay at home father. There are also several single working mothers and single working
Wilson makes strong points to show that marriage is good for human interaction, he fails to mention the aspects of marriage that take a toll on someone. He says that “our desire for sexual unions and romantic attachments is as old as humankind, and they will continue forever.”(431), but he does not state that marriage takes hard work and that it is not easy as pie.. The only negative point he focuses on is the financial aspect of marriage, when it is much more than that. When speaking about cohabitation, he states that it is merely a form of being single. He does not touch on the aspects of how it may progress to marriage; he simply says it will end within two years, again with no references to back this up. Wilsons attempts to convince the reader that marriage is the only way they will be able to stay in love because the incentive to stay together is much higher than living in cohabitation because you have invested that much more. He states that living in cohabitation “… I stop loving you; I walk away.” He continues saying that he fails to write about the house they could be renting, or even bought together and many other investments that people are living together purchase and pay for, even if it is
Many couples in the United States idealize the myth of a “tradition family”. The idea that a woman can spend quality time with her child while maintaining an effective sexual life with her partner seemed to have caused a lot of stress during the 1950s. Coontz’s says “this hybrid idea drove thousands of women to therapists, tranquilizers, or alcohol when they tried to live up to it.” (Coontz, 569). Which explains that it is merely impossible to try to mold a family to be “ideal.” Many families still strive for a traditional life, which they define as life “back in the day.” They need to forget the past and start living in the 21st century. “Two-thirds of respondents to one national poll said they wanted more traditional standards of family life.”(Coontz, 582). Which goes to show that many families want to change to what once used to be perceived as an “ideal family” but “the same percentage of people rejected the idea that women should return to their traditional role.”(Coontz, 582). Families want to take bits and pieces from what used to be “traditional families” over time and create their own i...
When you think about family, what is the first thing that comes to mind? If you only thought about your parents or close relatives then you may have been caught in an “individual vs. family” paradox. Nearly every culture considers family important, but “many Americans have never even met all of their cousins” (Holmes & Holmes, 2002, p.19). We say we are family oriented, but not caring to meet all of our extended family seems to contradict that. Individual freedoms, accomplishments, and goals are all American ideals that push the idea of individualism. What's important to note is that family or even the concept of family itself doesn't appear in any of those ideals. Holmes and Holmes (2002), observed that “The family reunions of yesterday are now rare, and when they occur they are often a source of stress.” (p. 19) That quote solidifies one reason why family interaction today is : it's just too stressful, so we avoid it. Where does marriage fit into our culture of individuals? Marriage itself may be less of a family unifying event than a way for two individuals to obtain personal happiness; the climbing divorce rate alone seems to suggest the devaluation of commitment in a relationship. Likewise, the Holmes and Holmes (2002) state “marriage is in effect a continuation of courtship” (p. 19) In my opinion, I would have to agree with the authors on family and marriage, considering the above-stated facts and trends. If we, as a nation, can place the individual so far above our own relatives, are we not creating a future of selfishness?
Up until the 1960s, no one questioned the idea that the traditional family was the cornerstone of American society and essential to its very survival. A traditional family was a man and a woman, married to each other, who had children together and reared them in a community full of other such families. A family thirty plus years ago, meant Mom, Dad, the kids, and on holidays, Grandpa, Grandma, aunts, cousins, and in-laws. In those days, a man and a woman didn't just move into an apartment and live together. Occasionally it would occur, but the practice was not common, and in small town America it almost never happened.
Warren Farrell is a well educated man who focuses his attention on gender. In his essay “Men as Success Objects,” he writes about gender roles in male-female relationships. He begins, “for thousands of years, marriages were about economic security and survival” (Farrell 185). The key word in that statement is were. This implies the fact that marriage has changed in the last century. He relates the fact that post 1950s, marriage was more about what the male and female were getting out of the relationship rather than just the security of being married. Divorce rates grew and added to the tension of which gender held the supremacy and which role the individuals were supposed to accept. “Inequality in the workplace” covered up all of the conflicts involved with the “inequality in the homeplace”(Farrell). Farrell brings to attention all ...
Comparing its structure and function as it was in 1960 with what it had become in 1990 can highlight the dramatic changes in the American family. Until 1960 most Americans shared a common set of beliefs about family life; family should consist of a husband and wife living together with their children. The father should be the head of the family, earn the family's income, and give his name to his wife and children. The mother's main tasks were to support and enable her husband's goals, guide her children's development, look after the home, and set a moral tone for the family. Marriage was an enduring obligation for better or worse and this was due much to a conscious effort to maintain strong ties with children. The husband and wife jointly coped with stresses. As parents, they had an overriding responsibility for the well being of their children during the early years-until their children entered school, they were almost solely responsible. Even later, it was the parents who had the primary duty of guiding their children's education and discipline. Of course, even in 1960, families recognized the difficulty of converting these ideals into reality. Still, they devoted immense effort to approximating them in practice. As it turned out, the mother, who worked only minimally--was the parent most frequently successful in spending the most time with her children. Consequently, youngsters were almost always around a parental figure -- they were well-disciplined and often very close with the maternal parent who cooked for them, played with them, and saw them off to and home from school each day.
Society seems to have many different opinions when it comes to relationships and families and what is ideal. The ideal family may not exist anymore. We now have in our society families that are complete that do not necessarily contain the traditional material. The traditional family, as society would see it; usually consist of a married, mother and father and usually children. Moms are supposed to stay at home while dads work the forty-hour a week job. However, in our 2003 world, families exist in a lot of non-traditional ways. A lot of families now consist of single parent families, or same sex parents and their children, or even couples that are unmarried but live together. And even now, if a family contains what society sees as traditional as far as having a mom, dad, and kids, other aspects are not traditional anymore. Women now have more opportunity in the workplace than they have ever had, therefore, many moms are career moms and dads are sometimes staying at home. Years ago, these types of families were given labels for being dysfunctional or abnormal, however, this label is not holding up as well as it did years ago. There are many non-traditional families that are raising children in a loving, nurturing home with a substantial amount of quality love. Quality is the key in any relationship between anyone. Society is finding out that it is not the traditional image that makes a loving family, but the quality of a relationship that people give to each other is what really makes a family. In the essay "The Myth of the "Normal" Family", written by Lousie B. Silverstein and Carl F. Auerbach, they make references to the cultural idea of what a "normal" family should be and what i...
Traditional family in today’s society is rather a fantasy, a fairy tale without the happy ending. Everyone belongs to a family, but the ideology that the family is built around is the tell tale. Family structures have undeniably changed, moving away from the conventional family model. Nowadays more mothers work outside of the home, more fathers are asked to help with housework, and more women are choosing to have children solo. Today there are families that have a mom and a dad living in the same home, there are step-families, and families that have just a mother or just a father. Probably the most scrutinized could be families that consist of two moms or two dads. These are all examples of families and if all members are appropriately happy and healthy then these families are okay and should incontestably be accepted. So why is the fantasy of the traditional family model still so emphasized in our society? This expectation is degrading and misleading. Progressing with times one ought not be criticized or shunned for being true to their beliefs. It is those living falsely, living as society thinks they should that are the problem. Perhaps as a society, if there were more focus and concern for happiness and peace within ones family and fewer worries for the neighbor then there would be less dilemma.
The first significant cause of recent rise in the rates of divorce is that women completely change in roles. In the past, men have to earn whole money to afford the expense of family, whereas woman only do housework, hence women have no money leading to depend on husbands’ money. Because of these situations, it is too difficult for most women to separate from their husbands. Nonetheless, these situations entirely change nowadays. The equality between men and women in roles are very clear at the moment, thus women can work outside to earn money, while men share the household tasks such as cooking, cleaning, washing as well as caring for children. It can be clearly seen that women are independent from money as they can earn money by themselves to support their living cost. Accordingly, the divorce rates recently rise.
To thoroughly elaborate on the institution of family we most look at the family as it was before and how much it has changed over time. Throughout the years we are recognizing that the family is slowly being replaced by other agents of socialization. Families in the past consisted of a mother and a father and most times children. We are, as many societies a patriarchal society; men are usually the head of the households. This has always been considered the norm.