Have you ever wondered how the need to feel accepted affects how we act around others? The works "Initiation" by Sylvia Plath, "And Summer is Gone" by Susie Kretschmer, and "Adjö means Goodbye" by Carrie Young help to answer this. When we feel the need to be accepted, it alters our mental, physical and outer appearance to onlookers. When encountered with a chance to feel accepted, people will take it no matter the consequences to others. For example, in "And Summer is Gone", Amy is excluding David to become more popular, causing him to feel as if he's responsible for her change in personality. To explain further, Amy sees an opportunity to become accepted however, she can't continue being friends with David. This point can also be found in "Adjö means Goodbye". Marget stops speaking with the narrator after her birthday because she thinks the narrator's responsible for nobody showing up. To clarify, Marget decides that to have more friends, she needs to stop being friends with the narrator. As a desperate act to feel accepted, people will go as far as to even change their appearance and personality. …show more content…
In "Initiation", Millicent changes her physical appearance and demeanour to impress other people. In order to join the sorority, initiates must go for a week with no curls in their hair or makeup on their faces. Millicent starts doing everything the sorority wants, exactly how they tell her to, in order to be accepted. Another good example of this is in "And Summer is Gone". Amy changes her thoughts and appearance to match those of the popular girls in order to fit in. To break it down, Amy decides that when school starts, she wants to be friends with the popular girls. She starts talking, walking, dressing and doing practically everything exactly like them. Altering physical appearances isn't gradual, it's often quite
We are all part of a society where justice and respect must be followed if we want to have a nice image of ourselves and be accepted by others. In the short story, Sonny’s Blues by James Baldwin, two brothers are struggling to accept each other. Until the brother listened to Sonny and accepted what he wanted to do in life and who he was as an individual, the brother was in the darkness with his brother and himself. Through flashbacks and the characters, we were able to see how their life was before their mother and father died and what actually forced Sonny to take drugs. This story showed that without acceptance, people have difficulties to continue their life in happiness, so they stay in the darkness until they accept themselves and the people surrounding them.
...many ways that people try to alter themselves in order to be accepted. For Example: apparel, beliefs, language, and even actions. Most popularly amongst these which happen in real life and also the novel, falls appearance and action. Typically people change their appearance when they are insecure about their looks and alter them to fit in with their desired crowed. Unfortunately many also go to the extreme of modifying their actions. This is far more serious because it often results in irrational behavior done simply to be a part of a preferred social group.
The desire for positive social relationships is one of the most fundamental and universal human needs. This need has a deep root in evolutionary history in relation to mating and natural selection and this can exert a powerful impact on contemporary human psychological processes (Baumeister & Leary 1995). Failure to satisfy these needs can bear devastating consequences on the psychological well being of an individual. These needs might not be satisfied as rejection, isolation, and ostracism occurs on a daily basis to people. Although being ignored and excluded is a pervasive circumstance present throughout history across species, and humans of all ages and cultures i.e the use of Ostracism (the feeling of isolation and exclusion) has been observed in modern cultures (Woods 1978) Schools and academic institutions (Heron 1987) and interpersonal relationships (Williams 2000). Although ostracism can be seen as a social norm the effect this can have on an individual has the potential of being detrimental to individuals including extreme feelings of hurt. Individuals can respond to rejection in different ways ranging from psychologically to behaviourally. Both psychological and behavioural responses to interpersonal rejection posit theories based on the various paradigms used to stimulate ostracism in experimental settings resulting in s the creation of models by the likes of Williams (2007) and Leary (2009).
Self descriptions of EPD individuals often relate a lack of self worth, and an accompanying fear of rejection, abandonment, and loss, as a result of feeling "unacceptable" to others. These agonizing fears are a driving force behind the above-mentioned interpersonal coping style (mirroring and reflecting others). These individuals protect themselves from rejection/abandonment by acting so agreeable to others, via their mirroring capacity, that chances of re-experiencing abandonment agony is brought to a safe minimum.
Sakai, Naoki. “Two Negations: Fear of Being Excluded and the Logic of Self-Esteem.” Novel: A
The book Uglies by Scott Westerfeld is about a dystopian society where when you turn 16, you become a Pretty, where they change all your features so you look beautiful. Some people believe this is wrong so they run away. Tally, the main character, has to face being with her best friend Peris that turned pretty and waiting for her also, or her new friend that ran way. She either has to tell where her friend went to and have their entire village destroyed, or never be with her Peers, family, or turn pretty. One lesson the book suggests is that you should not change for anyone else. The author shows this by the way Tally wants to become pretty so her friend Peris veiws her differently, how Tally lies to her new friend Shay to seem more cool to
‘I can’t handle this.’ And guess what? We don’t handle it well. If I tell myself I won’t have a good time at the party I’m going to, I am likely to behave in ways that generate exactly that reality, eliciting from other people indifferent responses, proving my premise. (“A Course in Self-Esteem” 5)
Although the people surrounding Susanna feel perturbed towards her lack of social-conformity, which is demonstrated through others questioning her “self-image”, she knows that she is simply exp...
You are as others see you, yet others do not always see you as you are. With the importance others play on the sense of identity, it's no wonder that peers influence the minds of individuals early on in life. As young toddlers, children do not recognize biological
For instance, most people who hate themselves share the common feature of hating their appearances. Sometimes, an ugly appearance exists as the sole link to self-hatred for a person. Additionally, although Ting states unattractiveness counteracts the high standards of beauty most attractive people face, it does not. Because of today’s shallow society, everyone feels the pressure to look a certain way. Good-looking people feel the weight of this by trying to keep the same level of attention and compliments as before, however it leaves ugly individuals longing for something they cannot achieve. This does not result in confidence; instead it leaves those individuals feeling worthless or simply not good
From society to family to media, external influences never seem to disappear from everyday life. These outward forces tend to leave a lasting impression on us for as long as we live. Because they are so prevalent in our daily lives, exterior factors will have a significant influence on us, specifically our sense of self and happiness. When defining our sense of self, it eventually comes down to how we interpret our individual self-image. In most cases, we do not truly know who we are from our own mindset. Therefore, we take into account the reactions that those around us have an influence on our actions and decisions. From these external effects, we create the persona of who we are. In his article, Immune to Reality, Daniel Gilbert explains
Acceptance by others is something all souls yearn for. In Brave New World, Tommy, the young protagonist, grows up being antagonized by his peers, because of his tendencies to rage and throw tantrums. However Tommy outgrows the tantrums when a teacher, Miss Lucy, tells him “‘It may not help you much. But just you remember this. There’s at least one other person here at Hailsham who believes in other. At least one person who believes you’re a very good student’”
By stating how other people behave or interact, the author offers a great chance for readers to interpret fairly for themselves what the reason for any conflict may be, or the nature of any essential contrast between the narrator and other adults in the story. In the story, there are many self-righteous opinions from people, which seem to be ironic to the readers; For example, her mother’s aggressive attitude of showing off her daughter, her piano teacher’s self-praise claiming him as “Beethoven.” All of the narrations including conversation clearly depict a different characteristic between the narrator and other people. For instance, a conversation occurs between the narrator and her mother when the mother criticizing a girl who seems similar to the author on TV which reveals dissimilar understanding for both of them to each other’s behavior. At first, the daughter speaks out for the girl by questioning her mother by saying “why picking on her […] She’s pretty good. Maybe she’s not the best, but she’s trying hard.” The daughter actually is defending for herself and reflecting that she feels uncomfortable with her mother’s disregard of her hard work. She wants to get her mother’s compliments instead of her criticisms. However, her mother response of, “just like you,” and, “not the best. Because you not trying.” Here, her mother doesn’t really answer her question, instead wants her put more effort on trying, neglecting how much she has tried before. However, in her mother’s perspective, she has never tried hard enough. By narratively stating the conversations she has encountered, readers perceive a strong implication of the reason for a future conflict between her and her mother.
According to Horkheimer and Adorno (H&A), the way in which people navigate their surrounding world is through one of projection. Specifically, this projection involves distinguishing “between their own thoughts and feelings and those of others”. Eventually, “a distinction emerges between outer and inner, the possibility of detachment and of identification, self-consciousness and conscience”. Problems arise then, when false projection is committed, leading to a confusion of ownership regarding what is truly intrinsic to the self. When people are unaware of the parts of themselves that are susceptible to external influence, they fall victim easily to manipulation. Furthermore, when people cast aside qualities of themselves and falsely project them onto others, it distorts their perceptions of reality at large, causing them to antagonize those who, in their delusion, personified the traits that they themselves reviled. The consequences of false projection are thus severe. H&A for example,
Even though one's physical appearance may change over time, deep down inside that person will always be the same. In Pygmalion, Professor Higgins and Colonel Pickering met a young flower girl whose character was appalling to the men. Pickering said he would pay for all expenses if Higgins could pass Eliza, the flower girl off as a lady. With much work Higgins won the bet. He passed the flower girl off as a lady in the public eye, but even though he “changed” Eliza she was still the same flower girl she used to be. Because no two people are the same, no one should try to be changed into someone they are not.