The Psychology of Online Dating
Online dating has become increasingly common these past few years with more and more users opting for meeting their “special someone” via online dating sites such as eHarmony and Match.com. Although some of these cases have resulted in successful romantic relationships and marriages it’s hard to overlook several defects with this type of “contact.” With the technological advances in today’s world it seems online dating is here for the long run. So what can a relationship counselor do when it comes to helping these individuals overcome the challenges that come from online dating? First off, it’s important to highlight some of the problems most online daters face in order to shed some light on the subject.
To begin with, online daters tend to fill in the information gaps with positive qualities in a potential partner. On the other hand, everyone wants to make themselves appear as attractive as possible to potential dates by exaggerating their own characteristics. Another finding worth mentioning is that
…show more content…
We’ve all seen situations where an individual meets an ideal mate but somehow loses the chance to develop a desired relationship. Why do you suppose that is? The answer lies in their dysfunctional mind, the emotional baggage of fear, anxiety or other mental conflicts or wounds inflicted by past experiences. They fear rejection from the other because they use erroneous categories to describe themselves in order to achieve higher chances of making contact with a desired individual. All categories are substitutes of social reality, not the reality itself. When people use categories to predict an interaction, but not pay attention to the other's real communications, they will produce two outcomes: avoiding love from right individuals, and approaching the wrong people. This kind of distorted cognition can only be rectified through proper and meaningful
In “A Million First Dates” (The Atlantic, Jan/Feb 2013), Dan Slater argues commiting to a stable relationship is negatively influenced by online dating because of a decline in commitment in couples. Essentially, the more options a person is given to find the perfect person in a short amount of time, the less they are inclined to stay in a relationship. For example, Slater’s case study subject, Jacob, a man with a difficult time meeting women and genuinely falling in love. After easily finding a dream woman on a dating website he found it easier to find someone else once their relationship ended. Hence, online dating made it easier for him (and possibly other users) to change views on a long or lifetime monogamous relationship.
Think about how your grandparents met; was it at a job they both worked at? Then think how your parents met, through their friend group? Now, how do you plan to meet your soulmate? Over the past ten years, dating has done a complete 360-degree turn. A study done on Americans by the Pew Research Center found, “66% of online daters have gone on a date with someone they met through a dating site or app, and 23% of online daters say they have met a spouse or long term relationship through these sites (Smith and Duggan).” From a boy asking a girl’s parents permission to date their daughter, to today when people resort to dating apps and websites like, Okcupid or Tinder.
The manifest function, or intended consequence, of dating in general and online dating, is to find a partner. There are also latent functions, or unintended consequences, that can result from online dating such as forming friendships, involvement in new social groups, or determining a ‘type’ of person you are interested in. There could also be potential latent dysfunctions in online dating, meaning the unintended consequences that actually have a negative impact on society. This could be the fact that people online can be very deceitful about who they really are and has resulted in another platform for crime and criminal activity to take root in society. There are sexual predators and pedophiles that use these sites to lure their unknowing
Few people will argue that online dating has become the preferred method to find dates, relationships, and possible soul-mates. eHarmony frequently advertises with the statistics that in one year they had 33, 000 people get married after meeting in its networking site. There are statistics out that predict that more than 100,000 people get married each year after meeting in a dating network. (Tracey, 2005) With statists like these, one can see why there would be so much high pressure to win curious newcomers. There are marketing tools and techniques used to win them over. These online dating sites have done many things correct.
Love has been around since the beginning of time and for as long as romantic relationships have been around; people have tried various ways of meeting one another. The mid-1990s marked the start of online dating and since then has evolved into a much more common method of dating. Online dating is typically taken advantage of in one of two ways. Some people prefer to create their own profile and rely on themselves to choose their mate choice, while others allow the online dating services to create matches between the online subscribers. In a recent study conducted by Pew Research Center they found that one in ten American’s are using an online dating site to help them locate a spouse or a long term partner (Smith 1). Due to the advances in technology in recent years, online dating has developed into a resource that has become culturally accepted and has advanced in many ways, but with that comes mate choice, safety concerns, and the outlook on online dating.
Many of my opponent claims that online dating can avoid trifling things in the real life and makes it not only easier but also happier to communicate. However, in the real life, online dating tends to lead more break-ups. According to a research, “The separation and divorce rates for folks who had paired up online was much higher than their offline compatriots, and more online-founded relationships tended to end within a year after the survey.” (Web).The Lack of face-to-face meeting will cause potential instability in a relationship. Lovers rely on chatting online and sharing moment through the internet to maintain the emotion,which is really fragile. This ways of loving can never take the place of dating in the real life. People experience interested life together and all these memories will accumulate as time goes by which is the necessary fundamental of a firm relationship. In addition, the social networking has created a tremendous amount of opportunity for people to create love relationships by matching suited ones. It is because that people know the number of members of the opposite sex is abundant so that many people will hold a view that there is no need for them to treasure the matched person so much. If you break up with someone online, you can just reactivate your profile then you may have a date the very next day, quickly and easily. This is the huge and dangerous flaw in online dating for some people will abuse this, becoming players in love and being overly picky. Thus, online dating is usually weak and transitory, making it difficult for us to work on one
Firstly, social media and dating websites offer the possibility of browsing through hundreds of personal profiles at the click of a mouse, which creates the likelihood of unrealistic expectations while selecting a match. In addition, dating websites offer the ability to input preferences which appear to generate a perfect match, they create the illusion that someone out there must meet all the requirements. This reduces selecting a mate to something similar to shopping for a new car or dream vacation on internet sites. The basic package is no longer acceptable, our prospective date needs to meet upgraded standards. In the dating world these include attractiveness, financial success, charm, and willingness to be committed or casual on demand. However, tall, thin, beautiful, witty, kind, wealthy and smart are more requirements than even the most desirable candidate can fulfill. Online profiles like this can lead some to feel like they are set...
According to Aziz Ansari and Charlotte Alter in the article “Love in the Age of Like,” they claim that “38% of Americans who describe themselves as “single and looking” have used an online-dating site” (2). This has caused an explosion in the
When thinking back on my past experiences in the dating scene, it’s crazy to see how much things have changed over the years. About ten years ago, I would have never thought that online dating would have grown to be as popular as it is today. It was considered a risky and almost taboo thing to do in the beginning. Now it seems that online dating services are just about everywhere. From the bigger dating services providers, such as E-Harmony and Zoosk, to the smaller services such as online personal classifieds, social media, and phone apps, it’s easier than ever to find and meet people who are interested in dating. I have dated online myself, even in the beginning stages of the online dating scene, and have had both good and bad experiences.
Dating nowadays has evolved into something similar to a math equation. Technology has changed society and culture so much in the 21st century that something which did not seem normal probably 30 years ago seems mundane now: meeting people via computer. In order to find the most compatible person, suddenly people are not able to find “the one” and need the help of a computer to tell them who their personality matches with, causing many people to not develop proper social skills along with confidence. People have different relationship goals which they wish to achieve, be it through either traditional or online dating. Although traditional and online dating have many similarities, at the same time they are very different when it comes to the
Before, online dating was not considered a good way to meet people. According to the Pew Research Center, twenty three percent of Americans still agree that people who use it are desperate. But despite this, it significantly different and is more acceptable than it was a decade ago. So, lately, more and more people find it very useful and convenient. Those whose lifestyle is not convenient enough to be able to find a partner, or who is just not accustomed to do it in real life, online dating is a solution.
eHarmony offers an incredible case to see how Uncertainty Reduction Theory applies to a computer mediated communication setting where clients may not know their associations exceptionally well. Dr. Neil Warren used his 35 years of clinical experience to dispatch an administration that would use logical research on computer mediated communication to individuals create important connections in a protected domain (eHarmony, N.D). eHarmony utilizes a guided correspondence process to help clients meet each other and decrease instability. Their procedure utilizes the accompanying rules: The First rule helps you break the ice with your matches. The second rule you get to know your matches advantages and propensities.
They also pointed out that there are different experience between online dating and traditional dating. Users of online dating can filter the partners by reading the profiles from lots of choices. They need to arrange a time to meet each other in order to have face-to-face communication (9).
Dating really changed in the few last years and meeting people online became not uncommon or just for young people only. But everyone now can use it to find their dates and meet new people.
In the twenty-first century, we use the internet for almost everything that we do. We use search engines such as Bing or Google to find information. Websites like Netflix and Hulu allow us to watch shows and movies without an expensive cable or satellite subscription. Social networks provide a new way to communicate with friends and family. Entire companies are run through the internet. With gas prices rising every day, it has also become increasingly popular to see a lot of jobs turn to telecommuting. It’s only natural that as other aspects of our lives conform to the internet, that online dating should also begin to be more prevalent in how we form new romantic relationships. Online dating is the new normal, and this is more evident now than ever.