Humorous Wedding Speech by the Best Man

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Humorous Wedding Speech by the Best Man

When Daniel came to me and asked me to be his best man, it was a great honour but, when I looked at all the duties required of me, I felt he’d be better off choosing someone else. Then he offered me a fifty, but I told him that it wasn’t a decision that money could change. So then he offered me a hundred.

Anyway, good evening Ladies and Gentlemen - My name is Rob and it’s my pleasure to be Daniel's best man today.

So let me tell you about all those best man duties that originally concerned me, because I was immediately stumped by the first one: ‘ensure that the groom’s face and hair are in order.’ Well Daniel, I have to say that if nature didn't get them in order the first time around, what chance did I have? It was also my responsibility to ensure the groom choose his clothes wisely. Well, there wasn't a suit in the shop that he didn't try on. As many of you know, Daniel's job as a Policeman requires him to keep calm in stressful situations, so it was a bit of a surprise when he asked the shop owner if he could throw in a spare pair of underpants too.

My second duty was to get Daniel to the church on time. Not an easy task, particularly since Kim's nickname for Daniel is 'Everlast' - not for his bedroom skills, but for his time keeping. We have GMT, we have BST, but is anyone here familiar with PWT? Well, Daniel Wilson Time runs about 40 minutes behind either ...

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...2 of us on the trip and it’s only fair that the culprit for this unfortunate accident remains anonymous, because it could ruin his wedding day if anyone else found out.

Thinking that was pretty much it, Kim reminded me of a duty that wasn’t on my list. As best man, it is my job to keep all Daniel’s past female acquaintances at bay. I told her not to worry as the wedding is on a Friday, and I doubt they'd be allowed the day off school.

So now I come to my final wedding day duty which isn’t a duty really – it’s a real pleasure: on behalf of the bridesmaids and myself I sincerely wish you, Daniel, and your lovely wife, Kim, everlasting love and happiness!

Ladies and gentlemen, to the bride and groom!

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