How To Be Cool

1286 Words6 Pages
There will be a group of “cool” kids in every environment you’re in. You see them everywhere you go. You wonder how you can be as cool as they are. Well in this essay we’ll be going over the steps you need to take to be one of the cool kids, both girls and guys! We’ll be talking about dress, slang, pop culture, habits, and just overall ora of being. Let’s start with the guys.
The guys have 2 options for dress; completely frat, or the “ball is life” style. To look frat cool you must first have a shorter haircut that must be gelled up in some way. Don’t have long hair, that makes you seem lazy or hippie. Another thing about frat hair is that you’re basically screwed if you’ve got lots of curls, or if you’re a ginger, or both. Moving on to the face. You must have an extremely masculine jawline, it can’t be covered up by a chubby neck or cheeks. Your eyes must be sensually thin, but not so thin that when you’re smiling it looks like you’ve eaten something sour. At the same time, big sparkling eyes are also appealing to others. You must have some sort of glimmer in your eyes. You are prohibited from having any facial hair of any kind, especially a mustache. Always remember, the slightest blemish blackhead will have you outcasted from Pi Gamma Beta Cool Kid Club.
Moving on to the actual dress aspect. During the fall and winter seasons it’s khakis all day everyday. These can be coupled with a button up shirt that is more than likely a bright color. This shirt can then be paired with a sweater vest or a regular sweater. Remember, however, the sweater must be thrown over the shoulders and tied around the neck like an ascot. As far as shoes, boat shoes are a must. You never know when you might set sail, apparently. During the warmer mont...

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...When you’re a frat, however, you also put focus on things like your cologne collection and pocket squares. To properly approach a female, the cool kid must drop his pants slightly, put on his snapback, lean back, and turn his swag on. The only words you need to say the the female is “I hit a home run once in little league.”. For the frats you’d say something like, “I got you a yacht. I put your name on the back. Don’t worry about the fact that I spelled it wrong, though.” These will get you all the ladies with little effort.
We’ve covered the steps you need to take to be the coolest dude you can be. To review remember this; Dress for the game, or to set sail, put an unnecessary amount of effort into the small things like P.E. or the warm up before practice, mumble, and always stay tuned to the iTunes top ten. You can now go show the world how cool you really are.
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