Extended Family Parenting: Many Styles, One Child It is not uncommon that grandmothers become caregivers for their grandchildren, whether they become surrogate mothers to these children or act as a joint caregiver (Silva, Pires, Guerreiro, Cardoso, 2012). However, the uniqueness of this situation is that although Stella does not live with her daughter and mother, she has gradually become more involved in their lives. While Stella is grateful to her mother for providing the love and care for her daughter while she was in recovery, she revealed to me that it has been challenging to negotiate her role as a parent as she transitions back into her daughter’s life, after being partially absent for the majority of it. Besides her maternal grandmother, Drew’s family home also contains, her maternal grandfather, biological aunt and uncle, as well as her paternal great grandmother. Stella used to also live in her family’s home with Drew, however, at the time Stella was still in her beginning stages of recovery and struggled with staying sober. This caused conflicts between her and her family and Stella decided she would find herself her own apartment. Reflecting on this period in her life Stella explains, “I wasn’t in a good state of mind, I didn’t want her [Drew] to see me like that, so that’s why I would stay away” Stella further adds that it is only within the last year that she has had regular contact with Drew, spending weekends with her daughter and going on mother-daughter outings. With so many family members contributing to raising Drew, Stella explains there is a lot of disjuncture between parenting styles, particularly in the area of discipline. For example, some of her family members will use shame and corporal punishment to ... ... middle of paper ... ...struggling with addiction. In Stella’s words: When you become that person, you do certain things out of necessity, [but] because I had strong morals and standards, I did not go that far, because you know, I was raised differently … I was raised better than that. While, Stella believes that her strong morals and values ensured her addiction did not lead to such acts as stealing or violence against others, they did not protect her from getting involved with drugs. As Stella adds, “somehow it all got f**ked up .. and I don’t want that to happen with her [Drew].” Therefore, Stella would like to see her child raised in a similar fashion as she was, but with the added insight of her life experiences, in hopes her child will make better choices than she has. A part of this upbringing, involves Drew being a member of the Greek Orthodox Church and attending “Greek school."
Donna has quit working as a prostitute and is currently on the road to recovery from years of addiction and abuse. As a child she suffered from years of neglect and sexual abuse from her immediate family members. Donna admits to using drugs when pregnant with her youngest child and suspects that he may have fetal alcohol syndrome as he is unable to control his emotions and has a difficult time in forming social bonds.
Fitzgerald, Mary L. "Grandparent Parents: Intergenerational Surrogate Parenting." Journal of Holistic Nursing 19.3 (2001): 297-307. Web. 18 July 2014.
Lisa Genova’s grandmother, who was 85 years old, had been showing signs of dementia for years; but she was a smart and independent woman who never complained, and she navigated around her symptoms. Her nine children and their spouses, as well as her grandchildren, passed off her mistakes to normal aging. Then they got the phone call when Lisa’s grandmot...
In the case of Ann and Angus (K101,Unit 1,pp.14-19), this was an informal type of home care based on the previous and existing relationship between Ann and her step-father Angus. Liz Forbat (K101,Unit 1,p.27) interviewed 6 pairs of people involved in family care and believed that people became carer and cared for in the context of an existing relationship so the strengths and weakness of those relationships were played out in the care relationship. Ann had the right skills to make a successful care relationship with Angus as she loved and supported him and still allowed Angus to remain an individual and respected his beliefs and preferences. Though her own relationships with her other family members were under pressure and her own life had drastically changed. However, while Ann was caring for Angus she was crossing the normal boundaries of her previous...
...ts set for them. Children are constantly aware of adults’ choices, and they begin to formulate their own understanding of general values at a young age. When adults are hypocritical of their pre-set standards, it sends children into a state of discombobulation. Staying true to one’s values as an example for children will be beneficial to them as they travel along the highway of childhood and come upon the exit necessary to reach the interstate of adulthood.
When intensive mothers are busy with thier responsibilities in the public sphere, due to their belief that a mother is the central caregiver, their temporary replacement must exclusively be female (Hays 414). Even with a female nanny who “leaves the place in a mess, makes a petty point of not putting the dishwasher on […], never gives the correct change from the supermarket and “loses” all the receipts” (Pearson 84), Kate still makes every effort to keep the nanny in her family. From the perspective of intensive mothers, men are not capable of providing the same quality of care that a woman is able to provide (Hays 414). From a gender essentialist perspective, Kate argues that “Emily and Ben need me, and it’s me that they want. […] Daddy is the ocean; Mummy is the port, the safe haven they nestle in to gain the courage to venture farther and farther out each time” (Pearson 169). Therefore, intensive mothers find “alternate mothers,” that is, credentialed female child-care providers (Hays 412) such as Paula, Kate’s nanny, as well as Jo, Alice’s nanny who are able to promote the intellectual enrichment of their
His recklessness is part of his appeal from Stella’s part. Although this type of relationship goes against her childhood, she is honest about her desires. "I 'm not in anything I want to get out of," Stella continually tells Blanche who formulates a fantasy of getting money from an old lover for them to escape. Stella understands compromise. She is realistic. She sees Stanley 's gambling, drinking, and violent outbursts as "his pleasure, like hers in movies and bridge". She believes that people "have got to accept each other 's habits". Cleaning up after Stanley 's violent spells is just a part of living with him. Unlike Blanche, she knows that life is no fairytale, negociations must be reached. Stella is proof of the statement that "there are things that happen between a man and a woman in the dark-that sort of make everything else seem-unimportant". She lives in a decrepit house, filled with smashed glass, part of the noisy part of town, and yet she is
The book, ‘How to Care for Aging Parents’ is authored by Virginia Morris and with a forward by Robert M. Butler. In up-to-date new edition, the author completely revised and expanded over 200 pages of the text, covering the emotional, the legal issues and procedures, the financial aspect of every kind, medical related issues, and logistical related issues in caring for the elderly.
The grandmother is very old and has lived a very tough life in Vietnam. She “‘lost four of [her] children… twelve of [her] grandchildren and countless relatives to wars and famines’” (Meyer, 74) while in Vietnam. During her life she had very little time to enjoy herself, instead she had to focus on not only surviving, but also holding a family together and getting them through the hardships as well. On top of the Vietnam War, which killed an estimated 500,000-600,000 Vietnamese citizens alone (Weisner), she had to live through 2 additional wars and several famines. The implicated stress and hardships are almost unimaginable. This is evident in her stories and fairy tales she tells her granddaughters, which always have dark twist or no happy ending, or as the granddaughters say “The husband comes too late” (Meyer, 77) to stop the bad guy or save the
Dolbin-MacNab, M. L. (2006). Just Like Raising Your Own? Grandmothers’ Perceptions of Parenting a Second Time Around. Family Relations, 55(5), 564-575. doi:10.1111/j.1741-3729.2006.00426.x
As a child growing up, there were times I would feel my mother would be out to just make
During Diana Baumrind’s research as a developmental psychologist, she concluded that parents fall under three different styles of parenting: Authoritarian, Permissive, and Authoritative. Baumrind’s styles were based on how one disciplines and nurtures their child (Cherry, n.d., p. 1). Authoritarian parents make discipline the highest priority when raising their children. They do not see any grey area about discipline (Belsky, 2013, p. 205). Rules, and enforcement of rules, are never left up to discussion. Whatever the parent says must go and the child is expected to fully comply. The standards they have set must be lived up to without any exceptions (Cherry, n.d., p. 1). Because the parents are not focused on the child’s emotional needs the parents are often viewed as not very warm and loving (Belsky, 2013, p.205). Permissive parenting is the antithesis of Authoritarian parents. Belsky (2013) stated that permissive parents do not lay down strict rules or discipline. There are not high expectations of how a child should behave or perform. The parents focus is not on rules or reprimanding, but on the child’s own wants and happiness. The parents’ main focus is on nurturing the child’s emotional needs (p.205). In the Authoritative parenting style there are definitely rules and ideas of how the child should behave, but the parents take a more diplomatic approach to parenting. Nothing is ever set in stone and parents negotiate freely with their children about the rules and repercussions. Unlike the Authoritarian style of parenting, these parents have a balance of “both nurturing” and discipline. Parents still have expectations about their children, but understand that they ...
Caregiving for an elderly person, or family member, can often result in stress for a caregiver (Bevans, 2012; Haley, 2003; Weitzner, Haley, & Chen, 2000; McMillan, 2005; Ugalde, Krishnasamy, & Schofield, 2011). This is a time during the family life cycle that the family often needs to re-arrange their structure, and methods of operating. Characteristic of this stage is the shifting of the relationship between an elderly adult and his/her adult child, specifically because the elderly parent begins to rely on the child for increased support and assistance. This is because in later adulthood, people begin to age and can become ill or frail (Anderson & Sabatelli, 2011; McGoldrick, & Walsh, 2003). As part of caring for an individual, or family member,
Becoming a mother has been the best part of my life. I became a mother at a very young age. I had no idea what to expect and was not in the least prepared for the journey that lie ahead. I have truly embraced motherhood and enjoy all the wonderful things it has taught me. While living through motherhood, I have found that it can teach you the most valuable lessons there are to learn. Being a mother has taught me how to have patience. I have also learned that being a mother takes a lot on mental and physical strength. My children have been the best to teach me how to juggle many tasks at once. They have made me strong. Even through some unexpected turns, I have learned how to get through hard times and really learn what it means to never give up. My children are my biggest blessing, and I hope they will learn valuable lessons through me. The skills I have learned from being a mother have helped me in my college journey.
According to the Caregiver Action Network, an estimated 65 million Americans currently serve as caregivers for loved ones who are aging or disabled. This number is likely even higher, but many individuals decline to call themselves caregivers. For many, taking care of family in their time of need is the right and necessary thing to do. Whether they use the title or not, proving care for a loved one is no small task. In order to ensure the best quality of life for both caregiver and care recipient, it is necessary to understand what caregiving entails and the impact it has on day-to-day life.