Free Essays - Response to Carroll's An American Requiem American Requiem

A Response to Carroll's An American Requiem

In one passage Carroll describes himself as being two separate people; each one appearing to have its own convictions and beliefs. He says "I was two people, and considered independently, each of my selves seemed to have a coherence and integrity that were belied by the fact that I could not bring them together. For the longest time I could not speak." If each one of his halves were a real person, those two people would both be amazing with strong and amazing. However, these two are conflicting sides in one person. In another passage, Carroll describes his father as being "more firmly anchored in who he is than he has any right to be. If he says no, even to God, it's what he means. If he tells you he will kill you, count on it. And if he uses the word "love" -- but he almost never will." Carroll and his father are described quite differently. Carroll torn in two, cannot seem to form a whole person. He cannot reconcile these two halves. His father on the other hand is so sure of himself that he knows exactly how he feels about things and has no need to be dishonest. He is firm in his convictions. I think that we have all at one time or another felt like Carroll...as if we were living a double life. In high school I would go out with my friends and do things that my parents never knew about. At home I was their daughter, their little girl. They had no idea about who I was when out with my peers on the weekends. If my parents found out about things my friends were doing, I'd agree with them that it was stupid or wrong and say "oh yeah, I can't believe she'd do that!" Of course I had been there with her and had done the same things. I looked good to my friends because I was just like them; I looked good to my parents because I didn't look like my friends. I was two people. There was no way that the two could co - exist. I couldn't be the person I was with my friends when with my parents, and I couldn't be my parents' little girl when I was out with my friends. Carroll says that for the "longest time [he] could not speak." He was choking on his two separate lives; who is James Carroll? It's hard to speak with honesty and conviction when you don't exist. You're two people, but you're not really anyone. In contrast, his father is more of a person than imaginable. He says exactly what he means. He is to be believed. He has guts enough to say no to God because he means it. Perhaps we shouldn't say no to God, but at least when Carroll's father does so, he's being honest. He doesn't lie to God. Is it better to follow God when it's not in your heart because you won't say 'no' to Him, or is it better to be honest about it? I think that we all wish in some way that we could be like this father and know exactly what we want and how we feel. That we could all be completely honest with everyone and with ourselves. How is it that a father with such conviction could have a son split in two halves? Is it the age difference...the difference in maturity? Was this father the same way as his son when he was younger? { I don't know.}