I often find myself wondering what my life would be like with her here or if I turned out to be how she imagined. I have come to the conclusion that no matter how hard I try, no amount of research or begging for answers from God will help me. Unlike these few things that will never be known, I will always know her smile, crave her laugh and appreciate the impact my beautiful mother had on this earth. Some days it hits me harder than others that I no longer have a mom, but remembering the feeling helps like medicine. Not knowing at the time the little moments I shared with her would turn into memories I would cherish forever. Through my mom’s journey with cancer she always had a smile on her face, even on her last birthday she would ever experience, just nine days before we would have to say our goodbyes.
It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon, however my sister Sarah and I were stuck in a van with our youth group leader. We were on our way back from a Church camp we attended for the weekend in Topeka. During the three-hour drive home, we chatted about many things that happened during the weekend. I liked having the weekend away from my parents but just like any twelve year old, I got home sick and was ready to see them. My dad was standing in our driveway upon our arrival to our house that afternoon. All three of us got out of the van; while my dad said thank you to our youth leader for bringing us home, Sarah and I went inside. After putting our bags down, we looked out the window and my dad was signaling us to get in the car. We knew exactly what for and I was more than ready to see her. The thirty-minute drive up there consisted of stories from that weekend and the clarifying of whom from the family had come to visit while we w...
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...the room slowly started to empty. My two aunts planned to stay with her that night so my dad could be at home with us. I gave my mom a hug and said I love you; not knowing if that would be the last one. As I walked out the door, I turned around and wished my mom one more happy birthday and then left.
My mom lost her fight to breast cancer on February 22nd, in our home under the help of hospice. To this day I cherish the time I got with her along with the everlasting memories that came with it. I also cherish that picture we took sitting on her bed that day not knowing that would be the last picture I would ever get to take with her. I often like to remember the moments with my mom when she was smiling, not in pain and her last birthday being one of those moments. I learned many things from going through my mom’s death and to this day I choose to love living.
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