Is It Just A Four Letter Word? Essay

Is It Just A Four Letter Word? Essay

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What is to love you? Is it just a four letter word? An idea or concept? Well I can 't give you an answer to the questions but I can tell you what love meant and now means to me. Love once meant to me the feeling of pain, being brought to cloud nine to just get thrown down to the ground. I didn’t know what love was, it was just taught to me through abuse both verbal and physical. I was trapped, and I was lost to what it meant. Love to me was just a meaningless word. It didn’t mean anything to me, I thought it was just a justified way to hurt someone.
My second grade year I remember making my first “C”, I was proud of it. I was proud of making that grade not because I wanted to, but because I actually tried and I pushed myself. I remember walking home from school that day I was excited to show my father the fruits of my labor. I was so happy that I had made a “C”, my peers on the other hand wouldn 't be so proud. I come home to my mom in the kitchen cooking dinner and my father nowhere to be found. But I remember asking my mom “How long until dad comes home?”, she had told me he should be pulling up any minute. Some minutes pass and out of nowhere I heard the doorknob to the front door twist. The door opened and there he was my father. Out of excitement I ran to him, test in hand ready to show him my hard earned “C”.
I showed him my test and he looked at it with disgust. After he had gotten finished looking at it he exclaimed to me,”Jerod when I get settled down I’m going to whoop your fucking ass, I didn’t raise no sorry ass boy.” I was shocked I thought he would be proud like I was, but in return of my joy I had gotten a promise of a whooping I was shocked. About 10 minutes pass and he called me to my room. When I arrived there I...

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...ove isn’t abuse, love doesn’t hurt and if it does it’s not love. I mean that both physically and mentally. Love is not abuse and abuse isn 't love.
Being abused by those whose claimed to love me was an odd misfortune that put me in a bad loop that lead me to believe that love and hurt were a inseparable couple that couldn’t be broken.I guess that whole experience just changed my perspective of love and what it meant to me. It was a hard journey distinguishing abuse and love, because to me it seemed to be something that happened together, something so natural. It’s something that I’m still learning to separate in my friendships, relationships and overall life. My message to whoever read this narrative, don’t let love be something that happens with abuse or hurt, it shouldn’t, and if it so does happen it’s not love and don’t let it define what love is because it’s not.

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