William I: Donor Or Treat?

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William I of England was a bastard, an utter, utter, utter bastard, and he was illegitimate. Throughout his life he fixated on the relentless pursuit of money and power and he ruthlessly attacked those who dared stand between him and either, causing the deaths of tens of thousands of men, women and children. Sadly, there is not much nice to say about him. Some do say he was faithful to his wife. That's about it. As far as we know, despite often spending months away from his little woman, he resisted the temptation of the flesh, and his chain mail shielded a pure and chaste willy. Wow! Why not make him a fucking saint, or perhaps more precisely, a non-fucking saint? Although William was a bastard, little Willy was a fucking angel.

So what made …show more content…

Rollo's descendants did okay over the years. Occasionally they endured the odd drama, an incidental war here and there, but the family retained the fiefdom, expanded its territory, and each generation the dukedom passed from father to eldest son while the rest of the family received lands and titles.

Until Robert I.

When his father died, Robert's older brother Richard inherited the duchy in the normal way and that pissed off Robert who wanted the title and riches himself. Fuck tradition! So the younger brother went into battle against the older and lost, but suffered no penalty for it, as Richard forgave him with just one small imposition, insisting Robert behave with more decorum in the future. Bad mistake. Soon after, Richard died 'mysteriously', perhaps poisoned, and Robert became duke. Things that make you go hmm.

But if Robert could throw out the rule book and ignore generations of tradition, why should others feel bound by mere custom? Following Robert's example, Normandy's nobles started fighting each other. And Robert? With his brother dead, Robert looked round the family for a fresh target and settled on his uncle, the local archbishop, whom he attacked and drove out of Normandy, leaving behind church lands, which Robert promptly expropriated, pissing off the Pope. What a fucking

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