The Significance Of Family In 'Catholic Guilt' By Richard Baldwin

However, Baldwin does not use his book to only show the hardships that prison can put upon families, but to also explore how family can help fight for your freedom both physically and mentally. Baldwin does this first and foremost in the character Tish, she makes sure to visit Fonny every chance she gets and represents to him the hopes for his future. She carries his baby, his heart, and also pushes others to fight for him as well. Tish expresses many qualities the inside students have discussed when talking about their own family. During a discussion about family, Shawn once talked about his fierce dedication to his children, stating that he was willing to fight with the mother of his children even with the risk of jail time. He stated that

Especially that we both are catholic, I understood the classic “Catholic Guilt” that comes when one commits a sin. I know personally when I do something wrong it weighs on my chest until I am able to set things right. I remember as early as sixth grade when I had failed a math final and did not tell my parents. I felt so racked with guilt for lying that I could not eat, could not even look my parents in the eye. When I finally came clean and told my mom that I had failed, expecting punishment my mom instead understood and even pointed out that she suspected as much because of the seeming self-punishment I had been putting myself through. This memory made me wonder what would have happened had Cal told Marcella his involvement with her husband’s death. Cal’s self-hatred seems obvious in most of his actions, and I wonder whether Marcella had noticed this guilt. If Cal had told her would she recognize that he has been punishing himself and would she also notice that he was not truly the perpetrator of the crime. Maybe she would have forgiven him, and in doing so he could be finally able to begin to forgive

Although before this discussion I was not thinking of that type of forgiveness but rather self-forgiveness. I was focused on this because, what if those you hurt are unwilling to forgive—even if you follow all the right steps and are truly remorseful, you cannot control others own feelings. Self-forgiveness was also important to me because I felt that not even Marcella’s forgiveness could help Cal, because even as she stated multiple times how good his presence had been, he could not view himself in a good light. This made me believe that Cal needed to go inward to begin freeing himself from guilt. Bringing this up in a small group discussion, I saw that this made some inside students uncomfortable. Thinking about this later, I realized that maybe like Cal, some of them felt unworthy still of their own forgiveness—or maybe they could not forgive themselves for their mistakes until someone else did first. It made me realize how complicated guilt can be, how for Cal, he was imprisoned long before he ever was arrested. Or how I punished myself for failing a sixth grade math final (something that clearly derailed my future)—or how it can stop some people from being able to go deep into one’s own experiences because of the negative emotions it can bring up. Both in-class discussions and Cal depict how freedom can be taken away by something as simple