Analysis of The Dance of Anger The Dance of Anger: A Woman’s Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships by Harriet Lerner, Ph.D. takes a deeper look into anger and how it influences our lives in different personal relationships such as with significant others, parents, children, friends, and co-workers. Anger is not an expression that women have been able to express as freely as men. However, it is an emotion that everyone has. Sugar and spice and everything nice is what girls are said to be made of. Lerner explains that there are two ways that society categorizes women in how they deal with anger. She said that there are two categories; a woman is usually either the “nice-lady” or the “bitchy” women. The “nice-lady” is the woman …show more content…
She wanted time for herself and did not want to be on call 24-7 for her father. When Katy would express her concerns with her father he would say things such as “I am sorry I am such a burden on you” or “Your mother would not be very proud of you.”. Saying these things to Katy hurt her but she was ready. She looked into her past generation to see how they dealt with their aging parents. She then was able to choose the best option to make both of them happy (Lerner. 114-118). Relationships fall into certain patterns because how one person acts influences the way another person reacts. As the title of the book suggests we fall into these certain dances or patterns, going back and forth. When someone makes a move the other person is always there to make a countermove. These countermoves or push backs are the reactions the other party has when someone begins to shed the old ways of staying quiet and instead are making it clear as to what they need and want for themselves. (Lerner, p, 34) People try to get you to stay in those set ways because once you set out of those ways their anxiety can escalate. Lerner states that “countermoves are an expression of anxiety, as well as of …show more content…
With Harriet Lerner, who is renowned for her work in the psychology of women, I would have expected nothing less. Hyde would describe Harriet Lerner as a feminist, or someone that favors political, economic, and social equality of women and men. A feminist also favors social change and that is exactly what Harriet Lerner is doing (Hyde and Quest, p. 5). Throughout the whole book she is not only addressing some of the main issues that women have with expressing anger but she also shows different ways to address these issues that empower women. Lerner does not try to teach the reader how to control their anger; rather she says that people have the right to feel the emotions of anger without feeling guilty about it. Thanks to the second-wave of feminism, many women do not have to suffer quietly about their anger and their dissatisfaction. This has brought women closer together, and also has helped them counter the old roles of what women should be and mixing them with the new. Through self-help books such as this one, women can learn by imitation: people doing what other people are doing (Hyde and Quest, p.38). This imitation gets the ball rolling on other issues. Certain issues that were addressed in this book that have plagued women forever are the fact that women have a lack of assertiveness, self-confidence and have been stuck in the role of underfunctioner. Women in our society tend to take on the emotional work or
However, later in the book, readers soon discover how Ruth is labeled as “the quietest kind of rebel” by Susie for drawing “pictures of nude women that got misused by her peers” (Sebold 77). Whether it was because they feared drastic change or reactions, girls, such as Ruth, who were inspired by what they read, began to take small steps in expressing how they truly felt. By not setting up any restraints in her drawings, Ruth “refuses the constraints of the status quo in these areas as well as in the arena of acceptably feminine behavior” (Hacht 140). As more insight on Ruth is given, readers come to terms that the character’s thoughts and actions represent the 1970’s feminist movement due to her determination to deviate from social norms. Her development into a strong, independent woman mirrors real women who were also influenced by the same movement. In addition, Ruth’s free spirit embodies what all 70’s feminists were fighting for, liberation and
Women should not be forced to put up with any unwanted sexual advances from men. This is a major problem throughout the world yet it seems to fly under the radar. We need to make sure all women know it is okay to speak up about this and not feel ashamed for something that is not their fault. However, articles that reject these ideas such as "Women Can Dump Jerks Without Help of Lawyers", by Judy Jarvis make it difficult for women to feel comfortable enough to voice their problems. In her writing, Judy Garvis expresses her distaste of the concept of women who "play the victim". However, I actually do feel that women should no longer stay quiet on this topic and once and for all destroy this idea that women must suck it up and live in an environment
This paper will examine Robert C. Solomon's Emotions and Choices article, to best identify what anger is, and to what extent a rational human being is responsible for their anger. Firstly, Solomon's argument must be described. A quick summation of Solomon's argument can be found in the following four points: Emotions are judgements, emotions are chosen, emotions serve a purpose, and emotions are rational.1 To quote Solomon, he explains that “Emotions are not occurrences, and do not happen to us. They ... may be chosen like an action.”2
Even the most durable substances can fall apart. Marriage, a structure built upon the union of two people for eternity, can be destroyed—especially when the two feel threatened by the inevitable stress and frustration that follows. Eric Bartels, an author for the Portland Tribune, wrote in his article, My Problem With Her Anger, about receiving anger from his wife and his own discontent in his marriage. Bartels establishes his opinion that fundamental differences between men and women can deter marriage, through his use of strands and diction to describe reactions to stress from marriage based on gender; however, with his use of generalizations and loaded language to attack the female audience, his claim is limited.
In 1992, a group of Norwegian researchers conducted a study of girls. “They found girls participate in aggression, but they express their anger in unconventional nonphysical ways” (Simmons 20). Another group of experts from the University of Minnesota continued with these findings and found the girl’s aggressive behavior should be classified into three subcategories; relational, indirect, and social aggression” (Simmons 21). An example of relational aggression would be ignoring someone or giving them the “silent treatment” which can be very traumatic for the victim. They wonder what they...
Women in today’s society seem to be having a very difficult time expressing themselves without dealing with lots of criticism. Common values are standing in the way of women’s drive toward molding themselves into whatever they desire. Our culture has made standards about how should women look, act, and conduct themselves that greatly limits what they can do, and still gain respect. Martin S. Fiebert and Mark W. Meyer state that, “[there are] more negative [gender] stereotypes for men than for women.” This idea doesn’t seem to have a great amount of validity in our present society. Society set certain standards that men are supposed to live up to such as strength and confidence, which are more behavioral characteristics. Women seem to be more trapped than men by societies standards because they are supposed to live up to standards dealing with beauty and size, which are more physical characteristics These specific guidelines have been set by society that are sometimes unattainable for a majority of women. The women that follow the specific criteria are greatly respected, and the ones that try and be innovative usually are criticized if not disliked.
Frye opens the essay with a statement how women’s anger is not well received by this society. Men view women’s anger as worthless and ignorable because they cannot control their anger as they view them simply because she was upset, hysterical or crazy. Men tend to control their anger by through violence, or downgrading by informing her how he cannot handle her anger. Male had not understood the fact that anger is normal reaction for the irritability, disorderly and frustrations caused by other person from the person to able go forth to their desired goal. For example, you are looking forward to go a concert but the storm hit, thus making the concert to cancel which it ends of disappointment but not anger since you cannot control the weather.
Women are supposed to be very calm generally: but women feel just as men feel; they need exercise for their faculties, and a field for their efforts as much as their brothers do; they suffer from too rigid a restraint, too absolute a stagnation, precisely as men would suffer; and it is narrow-minded in their more privileged fellow-creatures to say that they ought to confine themselves to making puddings and knitting stockings, to playing on the piano and embroidering bags (Chapter 12).
According to Kirby Deater and Deckard in their article “Anger”, anger is a complex psychological behaviour which has its own structure. Some researchers believe in that anger is an overwhelming emotion that has effects on man's personality, as well as it indicates the different perspective by which people
Over time, a women’s identity has been seen as powerless and incompetent to achieve anything. This image of women is being created at a young age at young age. For instance, little
As women, those of us who identify as feminists have rebelled against the status quo and redefined what it means to be a strong and powerful woman. But at what cost do these advances come with?... ... middle of paper ... ... Retrieved April 12, 2014, from http://www.feminist.com/resources/artspeech/genwom/whatisfem.htm Bidgood, J. 2014, April 8 -.
The research on trait anger yields many different definitions. One of the most common definitions found referred to trait anger as the predisposition to observe several situations as frustrating and experience frequent states of anger. Anger in terms of the emotion itself was defined as “a basic emotion experienced by almost all human beings in response to the unwanted and unexpected behavior of others” (Tafrate, Kassinove, Dundin, 2002, p. 1573). There is a clear consensus that the emotion anger is experienced frequently my most. The difference in trait anger is that it is imbedded in one’s personality and tends to affect the way one views and reacts to the world. It especially affects those high in trait anger. Individuals with high trait anger may feel enraged often and can be sensitive to being treated unfairly. Trait anger can consist of interrelated elements of cynical beliefs and attributions, angry emotional states and aggressive or antagonistic behaviors.
In the past, many people believed that women’s exclusive responsibilities were to serve their husband, to be great mothers and to be the perfect wives. Those people considered women to be more appropriate for homemaking rather than to be involved in business or politics. This meant that women were not allowed to have a job, to own property or to enjoy the same major rights as men. The world is changing and so is the role of women in society. In today’s society, women have rights that they never had before and higher opportunities to succeed.
The role women play in today’s society is a drastic change from the previous role. Women used to be confined to the superiority of the man. Physically, mentally, and emotionally abused, belittled, embarrassed, and silenced. These are just a few examples of the emotion from the isolated treatment of the past. A woman’s role in today’s society is more valued than ever before.
Gender is an important aspect of our social life; it comprises of power relations, the division of labour, symbolic forms and emotional relations (Connel, 2000).