Spiritual Awakening

1541 Words7 Pages
I’d like to state the most obvious observation that I’ve made about spiritual formation; that is that I will always need to be seeking for ways to nurture my personal spirituality throughout my life. I know that to most people this may sound like a “duh” statement, but for me it has truly become a reality and one that I must admit I have been struggling to embrace. I was brought up in a church that, like most traditional churches, stayed happy living in the “comfort zone” of their Christianity. They took everything that the Bible said at face value without digging in to find out why they believed what they believed. I had never been challenged to look deeper into the text. In the past few years I have felt the need to tunnel out of this cave of what I feel is best labeled “Christian ignorance”. In the process though, I have had to come to terms with letting go of the things that brought me comfort and provided me with what I thought it took to have a close relationship with God. Some of those things were tangible. Most were not. The things that were the least tangible actually ended up being the hardest to let go of. The biggest thing that I’ve been dealing with and at this time still struggle with is in finding my self-worth. Some may also call it self-confidence. I feel that I have tended to confuse God’s love for me as primarily traveling through vessels, i.e. other people in the body of Christ. I all too often can look back on my past and see the points where I felt the most apart from God and tie them in with instances where I had torn relationships with past friends in the church. Throughout this struggle though, I have continued to feel the presence of God, through the Holy Spirit, comforting me and guiding me on this spi... ... middle of paper ... ...now he could see that I was not even taking time to keep myself full, let alone having enough to flow over to others. Origen of Alexandria, a theologian and mystic writing in the third century, articulated a vision of the resurrected life so radical and encompassing that Christians who took it seriously were compelled to reexamine their entire relationship to the society in which they lived. I truly want to live such a life. This semester has proved to be a real awakening to what direction I need to be pursuing in my spiritual walk. I have learned so much through this course. Some of the things that I have learned that have become more important than they were in the past are; the need for silence, the need for community, the need for direction, and above all how utterly helpless we are when we try to “do” everything, including ministry without seeking God first.
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