Something Lost, Something Gained

What do you do when you’ve lost everything you once knew and loved, and your life falls apart like a broken puzzle? What I do is, I run to an island in the deepest regions of my brain where I’m invisible to the rest of the world.

What did I lose? You could say I lost my heart, or maybe just forgot where I put it. It all began last Spring, right after my April 3rd birthday. What happened? You might ask. It was an end to something magical; well at least I thought it was.

I was sitting on the edge of my bed in my brown stone apartment in Baltimore, Maryland holding the box in my hand.

“How am I going to propose?” I thought to myself as I stared at my grandmother’s diamond engagement ring.

This whole marriage thing was getting to my head. I wanted the proposal to be as special as she imagined it. I was hesitant about getting married but Janine had been waiting for me to pop the question for a long time now and I wanted to be romantic about it. I wanted Janine to remember this for the rest of our lives together. Marriage had always been a strong thought for me in the past, but when I realized I was with the one I loved, the thought made me happy. After six years of our relationship and fifteen months of living together, it was about time we got married, I guess. Two years ago, she brought up the marriage topic to me and told me she didn’t want to wait any longer and didn’t want to be in her forties when she had children. I told her I needed time because I wasn’t ready yet so I suggested the moving in idea. She had been waiting ever since for me to be ready, I just hoped she hadn’t given up on me.

We both met in college when we were eighteen and ended up dating a year later. I remember the exact moment; I arrived late to my busine...

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...ed her, she was forcing me to marry her; it just wasn’t right.

* * *

It’s two weeks later and I just went on my second date with Anna last night. I’m really starting to like her. I met her through a co-worker. She’s wonderful and I think we hit it off well. I took her to this Italian restaurant at the inner harbor overlooking the water. It was a pleasant start to a noble friendship. I decided to take this one easy and not get too serious at first. There were no agendas or special plans for the future. I never thought about this person being mine although I adored her with great passion. I was appreciative of what had just begun. For the first time in my romantic life, especially since the end of Janine, fear and apprehension didn’t rule my life. I hardly recognized myself. The pieces of the life I once loved and enjoyed were finally starting to fall back into place.