Saturday Night Live
Weekend update #6
Cast : Jane, Bill, Gilda, Don Pardo, Don Novello
*Don: and now Weekend Update -- with the Weekend Update News Team, brought to you by Earth quaker Oats, the hot cereal that destroyed San Francisco. Here are anchor persons Jane Curtain and Bill Murray.
*Jane: Good evening, I’m Jane Curtain. Our top story tonight...For the second year in a row, P.L.O. Leader Yasser Arafat has been awarded first prize in the annual International Ringo Starr Look-Alike Contest. He turned down the prize, which was a weekend in Tel-Aviv.
U.N. observers at the Sino-Vietnam border have warned Chinese troops that the hurling of coke bottles and John Denver records on the battlefield is a direct violation of the rules of the Geneva Convention.
This coming Monday morning, a total eclipse of the sun will arc its way across out hemisphere, the last such eclipse in this century. Observers are reminded that staring into the partially eclipsed sun can cause blindness, warts, exhaustion, and hair growing in your palms. Weekend update suggests that you do not look at an eclipse until you are married.
On the eve of the opening of the Winter Olympic Games at Lake Placid, problems have arisen for ABC television crewmen who are setting up the broadcast the event. In addition to the freezing temperatures and high winds, officials claim that miles of TV cable have been destroyed by what looks like the work of a mischievous raccoon or beaver. When reached for a comment-- the Beaver said, “gee mom, I’m sorry, I won’t do it again, honest.”
*Bill: Well, it was some week for the news. This weeks top stories:
Leftists Challenged Khomeini in Iran .
Double Digit Inflation Here at Home.
Foreign Aid to Afghanistan Cut
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... to me by my optimistic Aunt, Pollyanna Roseannadanna - it’s called “The Fox and the Grapes.” Once upon a time there was this little fox who loved fruit. and one day he saw this bunch of grapes hanging from a tree. Well, the fox jumped, and jumped and jumped cause he wanted to eat the grapes. But he couldn’t reach ‘em. So he went out, and bought himself a wooden stool, and put it under the tree. He climbed up and reached but he fell off and the fox died.
*Jane:That’s a happy story?
*Gilda: Its a great story,Jane, and a classic, cause this little fox just happened to be an Egyptian fox so they buried him with grapes and the wooden stool. And they didn’t pit it in no Metropolitan Museum of Modern Art, so at least that little fox has a place to sit down. Good night my little Roseanne Roseannadanna.
*Jane: That's the news. Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow.
Meat head, dumb jock. These are just two of the many derogatory labels given to football players. Is it possible for me, a meat head, to hear the criticisms dealt to the sport of football? Is it possible for me, a dumb football jock, to understand and be objective about the issues raised in the book, Friday Night Lights? Yes, because I'm not the stereotypical football player like those described of Odessa, Texas.
Of Mice and Men and A Raisin in the Sun Dreams Make What Life Is
Is High School football a sport, or is it more than that to some people? Recent newspaper headlines include such items as coaches abusing student athletes; fathers of athletes murdering coaches, and mother’s disabilitating cheerleading candidates to assure their daughters make the cheerleading team. In Odessa, Texas high school football is a major contributor to the society of a small town in Texas society. Every Friday night, 50,000 people fill the stadium to see high school students put their lives on the line to win a football game. H. G. Bissinger writes a novel called Friday Night Lights, about a year in 1988 where High School players prepare and play on the High School team, and what an impact they have on a small city in Texas.
When he goes looking for berries, he is confronted by a big bear. He had seen one before in a zoo, and thought that they would be something to stay away from in the wild. He thinks he is done for, and thinks he will be attacked. But the bear leaves him alone, leaving him with the thought that they only attack you if you attack them.
High school athletics leave a major impact on everybody that is involved with them. It also can even leave a mark on people who aren’t associated with them. There are many conflicting opinions on whether high school sports are a positive or negative influence on a student’s life. Athletics in high school can have an effect on the community as a whole. In H.G. Bisssinger’s highly regarded Friday Night Lights, high school football is accurately portrayed as the most important thing in Texas; it receives much more attention than academics. Football players are often treated like celebrities; yielding confidence, and at the same time creating pressure.
Down the Rabbit Hole: Alice was with her sister by the riverbank when she noticed a rabbit pull out a pocket watch and say he is going to be late. He went down the rabbit hole and Alice followed him. When Alice finally reached the bottom, she ended up in a hallway of doors. Alice looked in one of the doors and saw the most beautiful garden she has ever seen; but she then realizes she is too big to fit in the doorway. She notices a bottle marked “DRINK ME” on the little glass table behind her and drinks it. Alice shrinks down to the size of the door to the garden but realizes she has forgotten the key to get in. She sees a piece of cake sitting on the table and eats but nothing happens.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can. –- Will Rogers
We've come to a point where television has become so loaded with “vampire-this” and “werewolf-that,” that each show has begun to look like the reruns of another. Luckily, this definitely isn't the case for creator Vince Gilligan's, Breaking Bad. Breaking Bad follows the life of Walter White (played by Bryan Cranston), an ordinary high school chemistry teacher. With a loving wife and teenage son at home, over time, Walter has formed an exceedingly mundane routine for his life. After soon discovering that he had been diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer, Walter decided to take extreme measures in order to secure his family financially. Eventually, he would descend into a world so dark and utterly twisted, that it would eventually consume him. Walter White became Heisenberg; the greatest drug lord the streets had ever seen. As he ascended in status within the drug cartel, the love and trust he had from his family and friends quickly descended. There are thousands of reasons that explain why millions of people tune into Breaking Bad. This series offers a much needed relief from the Dracula descendents, which frankly, are slowly diminishing any scope of variety existing on television. Because of the outstanding acting, seemingly distorted reality, and uniquely relatable storyline and characters, this hit show tops the charts as the best modern-day television series that cable has to offer.
The girl took great pride in the fact that she helped her father with the chores on the farm. Her main chore was to water the foxes. Laird would help with a small watering can though he would usually spill most of his water. The girl would also help her father when he would cut the long grass around the fox pens. He would cut it and she would rake it up. He would then throw the grass on top of the pens to keep the sun off of the foxes. The entire fox pen was well thought out and well made. The foxes were fed horsemeat, which could be bought very cheap. When a farmer had a dying horse her father would pay for the horse and slaughter it. Her father was very ingenious with his fox farm and the girl was obviously impressed. She was proud to work with her father. One time while her father was talking to a salesman he said, “Like you to meet my new hired man.” That comment made her so happy, only to have the salesman reply that he thought it was only a girl.
In this story there are two brothers and a father. In the beginning the father is very ill and dying and he tells his sons to share everything he has when he dies and they agreed. When he dies the older brother takes everything and kicked the older brother out of the house. The younger brother walked out and saw a baby bird that was injured by a snake. He helped the bird and went on his way. Soon after not having a house or place to stay he found a piece of land that he started to grow on to make a living. Soon after he started to make some profit and was living a decent life with a family he started and with children. Then one day the bird he help a long time ago flew over his land and dropped a seed. The seed started to grow a bunch of melons that were full of gold. The brother soon found out about this and wanted his own magic seed. So he went out to find a bird in need and did, but the bird knew he was a bad hearted person and later gave a seed that only brought bad things, it brought things that destroyed all he owned. The older brother went to the younger for help because he now had nothing. The younger brother forgave what he had done and helped
In 1864 the Geneva Conventions were created during a conference in Geneva Switzerland, and were immediately ratified by twelve countries. Now there are one hundred and ninety four countries that have signed and ratified the conventions (ICRC 1 – 6). The Geneva Conventions set the standards in international law for the humanitarian treatment of the victims of war. There are four conventions in total, and all of which deal with a different aspect of war. The first Geneva Convention, which deals with the treatment of wounded and sick soldiers on the field during times of war, was put into effect in 1864. The Seconds Convention, which deals with the treatment of shipwrecks and sick members of armed forces as sea, was put into effect in 1906. The third convention was put into effect in 1929, and deals with the treatment of prisoners of war. The fourth Geneva Convention was put into place in 1949, after the horrors of the Second World War. This fourth convention set forth the rules and regulations dealing with the protection of civilians during times of conflict. Though only one of the conventions was created in 1949, the Geneva Conventions are most commonly referred to as the Geneva Conventions of 1949 – this being the last time they were changed. This presents several problems. The world has changed vastly since 1949. Technology, politics, laws, and of course warfare, have all changed during this time period. The issue then is that the Geneva Conventions, which are internationals laws governing war, have not, and are therefore out-of-date. That they are outdated, however, does not mean that they should simply be put to the side. The Geneva Conventions set forth a standard of humanity to be shown during wartime to member...
“Year after year, twenty-something women come to New York City in search of the two L's: labels and love” is the very catchy line that opens the film with Fergie’s ‘Labels or Love’ as the soundtrack and The Big Apple as its introductory shot. The scaling deduced from the bird’s eye-view-point of New York City, showing its Metropolitan atmosphere with skyscrapers and the famous Brooklyn Bridge; to the urbanites of the City; then to the lead actors of the film. A fifteen year-old girl watches the film, mesmerizing the ecstatic city while admiring the skinny white bodies of the ladies. And last but never forgotten, she gets carried away with the funky upbeat rhythm of the song emphasizing “Gucci, Fendi, [and] Prada . . .” That is the introduction of Sex and the City and the focus of its cinematography. With its elements, the movie can honestly influence teenage girls. Yet as much as critics such as Maya Gordon of Psychology of Women Quarterly say how media contributes to the sexual objectification and values women “based on their appearance,” this film should be an exemption.
A fox is one cunning animal. And in the story, it is proven to be right. From the fox's lesson that one can see only what is essential by looking with the heart, the author leaves the desert as a changed person. He agrees with the little prince's thought: 'the stars are beautiful, because of a flower that cannot be seen';.
Aaron McGruder is an African American cartoonist. At only twenty-six years of age, he is best known as the creator of Boondocks, the popular comic strip that is currently featured in over two hundred and fifty newspapers throughout the United States. Boondocks, which “stars two amusingly surly African American kids who live with their grandfather in a white middle-class suburb” is known for mocking issues that range from entertainment news (such as Whitney Houston), to political news (like the Bush administration). His most recent subject, however, may prove to be too controversial even for this strip, which is famous for it’s satirical attitude.
In August 2017, America began to prepare for one of the most historical events of all time. On Monday, August 21, 2017, all over the country Americans experienced a Solar Eclipse that traveled from Oregon to the border line of Georgia and South Carolina. A Solar Eclipse is when the moon crosses between the Earth and the sun, blocking out the sun’s light. People were so excited for the event that some went to the extent of paying close to a thousand dollars just to witness this historic event, traveling from places as far as china. The last time the United States saw a total Eclipse was in 1979. No one expected to be able to see another one thirty years later. The Object itself made its own appearance between twelve thirty p.m. and two p.m.