Response To The Essay 'Persepolis' By Marjane Satrapi

Introduction

My main focus was to find an essay that was filled with errors and grammatical mistakes because they would tend to lack the qualities of a proper technical document. I decided to use an essay I had written in 2011, my sophomore year of high school. I knew that my high school writing abilities were incoherent and had numerous grammar mistakes. For the assignment that I am writing the memo on, I was assigned to read the graphic novel, Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi, then write an evaluative essay on what external forces affected the main character’s life.

Summary

The main goal of my essay was to illustrate how religion played a major role on affecting the main character's life. In my introduction paragraph I tried to focus on how

They should be able to understand what you are trying to say. The main challenge I faced as a writer in high school was my inability to be clear and concise about my writing and ideas. I found out 5 years later after proof reading this essay that a great deal of phrases that I used would only make sense to me at the time and not to the reader or audience. Any reader would have a problem with trying to understand a lot of my essays, especially this one. In one paragraph, I made a poor attempt to make sense of an illustration.

“Satrapi introduces the theme on page 6, second panel. The picture is of her when she was born the theme of this picture is introducing how Satrapi was born into religion. The panel is actually saying that Satrapi was born into religion. I think that this is very good example of introducing religion.”

The section shows bad clarity. I do a fair job by telling the teacher that the illustration is on a certain page, but I do not explain how this picture illustrates being born into religion. Instead of explaining I just exert my opinion and repeat what was said before, leaving the very reader confused and sounding repetitive. In order to turn this into technical writing, I should try to be more concise by going more in depth about the illustration. The reader will have a difficult time trying to create an understanding of my ideas if I do not provide the proper clarity.

Positive Analysis

Professional