Real Boys While Reading the book Real Boys by Dr. William Pollack, I realized that our society is holding boys to contradictory standards aiding the problems that many of them face while in adolescence. This book introduces the reader to numerous boys who share their feelings of shame and despair in trying to live up to the "Boy Code". Pollack feels the pain that comes from boys prematurely separating from their mothers puts them on the cycle to hardening themselves emotionally. The one acceptable emotion becomes anger. Throughout the book Pollack encourages parents to take time with their sons in helping them express their feelings while showing them empathy and love. Pollack discusses the ways parents can help their boys escape from the gender straightjacket that is imposed upon them. Pollack exposes myths that negatively portray boys as macho creatures shaped by testosterone with no social skills. He instead presents examples of boys who are emphatic as a result of nurturing parents and educates the reader to be aware that boys express their love through action and work. Pollack includes chapters regarding the different but equally important role of mothers and fathers in bringing up their sons. He also writes about the effect of healthy relationships with peers and the devastation that some boys feel when they discover they are homosexual. Pollack takes on the schools in failing boys in a number of ways but specifically for failing to understand the Boy Code. Boys continue to lose self-esteem as the mask of masculinity tightens and they conform to what society expects from them, interfering with their ability to learn effectively. Dr. Pollack not only gives us the problems that face the adolescent boy he also gives us suggestions to remedy and rectify the situation. This is nice instead of simply offering negative statements he actually offers the reader a solution. Another beneficial aspect of Dr. Pollack’s writing is the fact that he uses so many references to his research and the research of other notable psychologists instead of over emphasizing the personal instances in his own life. When he wants to emphasize a point with a real life person, he uses a third party. When speaking of these contradictory codes that a young boys is taught to live by, Dr. Pollack says: "Boys have had to learn to walk a fine line. Have intimacy without sentimen... ... middle of paper ... ...ollack talks on breaking down gender stereotypes; he seems to perpetuate them by seeming to insist that the mom be the central part of upbringing. Extensive sections on single moms but the only discussion of single dad households is two sentences which state that research showing relatively positive outcomes (i.e. relative to mom getting sole custody, not relative to intact families) is controversial. Pollack notes that Dads are more likely to suffer from depression after a divorce but does not draw the logical reason. Dads lose far more than moms in a divorce. Yes moms economic status goes down more, but she tends to keep what is really important... the kids. Even today the courts are horribly biased against men in divorce cases. A mom must be totally unfit to not get at least joint custody, dad has to fight for minimal visitation rights. These are however minor quibbles with the book, the central principle of the book: Today’s boys are in big trouble, and much of that trouble stems from never being allowed to show any negative emotion other than anger, is a very important one. Boys are not toxic they need our love and support, even if they put on a tough self-sufficient disguise.
In the essay, “Changing the World One Boy at a Time” written by Mark Honigsbaum, boys are lost or they are in crisis. These boys have troubles in their everyday life. The author illustrates that boys need a mature male adult to help them guide to the right path. To convey his message, Honigsbaum explains that these boys have psychological issues. He then states that the event, where they receive a psychological test, reveals a boy’s personality. Lastly, he argues that to make the right decision, a boy needs the guidance of a mentor. He presents those arguments with the use of statistics, expert opinion, rhetorical questions, anecdotes and comparison.
The dependency on their mothers can negatively impact their relationship with their fathers. In many cases, the father is no longer part of the family unit, putting the young man in the role of the ‘man of the house’. This in itself has a whole new set of problems. Their mothers teach them to be kind and helpful; yet as young as Kindergarten they are taught to avoid their mothers’ ideas and emulate their fathers’. Why? A mother’s ‘negative influence’ can make them compliant and possibly question manhood. Kimmel states, “Boys learn that their connection to their mother will emasculate them, turn them into Mama’s Boys” (547). No male wants to be perceived as soft or emotional, they want to be tough and brave, perhaps even feared. If they hang around their mothers, they possess the idea they will develop into babies and do “woman” stuff. Kimmel shares a story of a mother saying that her husband took their three and a half-year-old son to a barber shop to get his hair cut. The barber used hot and painful chemicals in his hair, when the boy began to cry the barber called him a wimp and informed the father that his son had been hanging around his mama too much and that needed to change. The father went home upset and announced to his wife that the boy would be doing sports and other activities with him. Boys learn at an early age that involvement
As we grow up, people experience different ways of how to express themselves as an individual, especially how to express their emotions to others. Depending on how we are raised, we stereotype boys to be strong and sturdy while girls are gentle and sweet. In both their respective articles, “Defining a Doctor” and “His Marriage and Hers: Childhood Roots,” Zuger and Goleman compare and contrast the different ways of how each gender showcases their behavior and emotion to others. In “Defining a Doctor,” Zuger observes two interns and notices how differently they approach their patients by using their emotion. In contrast, Goleman in “His Marriage and Hers” defines the separate emotional worlds between boys and girls and how their upbringings are
His work also sheds light on why different gender roles are hard for people to accept, due to the way they were brought up, and the culture they are surrounded by (Devor 8). With the belief that gender role behaviors are concrete, teenage boys believe that they must act according to their gender.
Society typically excuses most behavioral-related slips ups among boys with the saying that “boys will always be boys”. However, if a girl were to commit the exact same mistake, nearly every bystander would be taken aback in shock. For example, Lewis describes an instance in which his three year old swore to an older boy who was teasing her sister (655). Lewis described this outburst as an occurrence that caused “all hell to break lose”, with parents stunned as to what they have just witnessed (655). On the contrary, if a boy were to act in a similar fashion observers would most likely overlook the situation, excusing it for ‘typical behavior among boys’. The general public considers swearing among boys to be socially acceptable, but if it were to be done by a female regardless of age it would be considered ‘improper’ and the female would be deemed as ‘ill brought up’. This difference between the socialization of young boys and girls creates a divide in the aspect of how children are brought up and expected to behave.
An article entitled “How Boys Become Men,” written by Jon Katz was originally published in January, 1993 in Glamour, a magazine for young women. This article details the process of a boy growing into a man and mainly focus on the lesson boys learn that effect their adult lives. These lessons are about how to hold back emotions and never appeared sensitive. The author includes examples of his own experiences as a boy to convey to the reader the challenges of growing into a man. Through the various stories of young boys, the author is trying to prove that the men are insensitive because they had to learn to hide their feelings during the stage of growing up with other boys. The purpose of the author is to explain the women of the world, why men appear to be emotionalist and “macho.” The author’s main idea of this article is to explain why men are insensitive and to help women understand why men sometimes seem “remote” and “uncommunicative.”
In a restaurant, picture a young boy enjoying breakfast with his mother. Then suddenly, the child’s gesture expresses how his life was good until “a man started changing it all” (285). This passage reflects how writer, Dagoberto Gilb, in his short story, “Uncle Rock,” sets a tone of displeasure in Erick’s character as he writes a story about the emotions of a child while experiencing his mother’s attempt to find a suitable husband who can provide for her, and who can become a father to him. Erick’s quiet demeanor serves to emphasis how children may express their feelings of disapproval. By communicating through his silence or gestures, Erick shows his disapproval towards the men in a relationship with his mother as he experiences them.
It is a known fact that many females that take part actively in male dominated sports and games does end up developing male-like attributes such as muscular growth, deepened voice. This development in male-like attributes can be credited to the heighten production of testosterone in the females. However, the 20thcentury coined term, the sensitive new aged guys, clearly also shows the swaying away from the traditional concepts of how the outlook and actions of a male should be. This group of males, like suggested by the passage might be the resultant of a new generation of youths brought up in a less traditional family or an overly protected family. In both cases, one involves allowing the child to explore his sexuality by self exploration and does not clamp down on the child as how it would have been in a traditional family, when he is taking part in what was previously deemed as “girly” activities such as playing with kitchen toy
The story provides many sources for the boy's animosity. Beginning with his home and overall environment, and reaching all the way to the adults that surround him. However, it is clear that all of these causes of the boy's isolation have something in common, he has control over none of these factors. While many of these circumstances no one can expect to have control over, it is the culmination of all these elements that lead to the boy’s undeniable feeling of lack of control.
In today`s Society, men and women are raised from young ages to act in certain ways that are established through the guy code. According to Kimmel in ``Bros Before Hoes`` ,''boys were taught to deny their emotional needs and disguise their feelings''(pg.470). The boy code does not give the opportunity for boys to express their wide range of emotions instead prohibits them for doing so. Boys are reinforced with subliminal messages of ''acting manly'' from boyhood that turns into sullen indifference. Men turn to anger and violence in frustration situations because they believe that these are the only acceptable emotional factors. In the development process from boyhood to manhood, women are also affected by the consequences of the guy code.
From an early age, boys learn that aggressive behavior is an acceptable norm and fighting is essentially a male gender role. Young men are taught by watching TV or from social media that sports figures who are involved in violent crimes usually end up with lucrative contracts and regarded as sports legends. Throughout adolescents boys are guided by various agents of socialization, from family to school, media and peer groups become keys to a young man’s social stability. As boys mature they eventually develop their own gender expressions evident in the ways they dress, act or ...
Tyre, Peg, Andrew Murr, Vanessa Juarez, Anne Underwood, Karen Springen, and Pat Wingert. “The Trouble With Boys.” Newsweek 30 January 2006:1-9. Web.
In “Boys,” Rick Moody shines light on the conflicts the boys face. The boys weren’t always prepared for the conflicts they faced nonetheless, they always figured out how to handle them. For instance, “Boys enter the house, kiss their mother, she explains the seriousness of their sister’s difficulty, her diagnosis” (Moody 242). The boys come into the
The boy appears to play the role of the responsible adult more so than the father does. The boy has typical signs of a child from today’s broken family relationships; he does not want to disappoint either parent. The boy s...
In these days, gender roles are discussed in every thinking way. Everybody has a meaning on how we should do, and how we should be. The chapter Manhood for Amateurs by Michael Chabon’s book, William and I, thematizes the gender roles of parents and how these have changed historically.