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“Michelle, come downstairs for a moment,” I heard my mom call up to me. Her voice was shaky, from fear or sadness, I didn’t know. “Coming!” I answered. I flipped over my book, and leaped off of the bed. Grabbing hold of the banister, I swung myself around the landing and down the steps. “What is it?” I asked, approaching my mom, who was sitting on the couch. She placed her hand on the seat next to her, “Come here,” she said. I continued to walk forward, and then sat down on the cushion next to her, resting my head against the back of the couch. “Michelle, I have something to tell you,” she began, and I had begun to get nervous. What was she going to say? My mom rarely used this tone, and when she did, it was to deliver bad news. What was …show more content…
“Grandma has cancer.” she said, and those three words seemed to hang in the air. I felt as though someone has hit me hard. “She’ll be going in for a major surgery soon, and we hope she’ll be okay. She has esophageal cancer. The doctors will be-” she continued, but I wasn’t listening. It was as if my mind had gone blank. Was she going to survive? What would I do if she didn’t? It was that moment that I realized that just like the crayon, my life seemed to snap. I leaned forward, and rested my head in my hands. There were so many things I had done that I regretted, but I couldn’t change them. Suddenly, I knew what I had to do. I may not have been able to take back the things that I had said, but I could apologize for them. I had to. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing that my grandma might pass away, thinking that I didn’t appreciate or love her. I had to fix …show more content…
“Yes Michelle?” “Can we- can we go visit grandma now? I want to talk to her.” My mom looked at me, taking my face in her hands, and smiled, “Of course we can. They’re moving her to the hospital tomorrow, but she’ll be resting at home now. We can visit right now if you’d like.” I nodded. Placing my hands at the end of the couch cushion, I pushed myself up, and followed my mom to the car. Minutes later, we arrived at my grandma’s house. I rushed up the stairs, and into her house. A familiar floral scent came over me, and I walked to the stairs that lead to the second floor. “Grandma?” I called, as I began to ascend the carpeted stairs. When I reached the second floor, I headed to my grandma’s room, where I saw her lying in her bed. I crossed the room and sat on the edge of the bed near her. “Hello Michelle,” she said to me, as I turned to look at her. “Hi Grandma,” I answered, not meeting her eyes out of embarrassment and shame. “There’s something that I need to tell you.” I took a breath, trying to calm myself, but I couldn’t. Tears started to flood down my cheeks as I struggled to find the right words to say. “I-I’m sorry. I’m so
I looked around at everyone in the room and saw the sorrow in their eyes. My eyes first fell on my grandmother, usually the beacon of strength in our family. My grandmother looked as if she had been crying for a very long period of time. Her face looked more wrinkled than before underneath the wild, white hair atop her head. The face of this once youthful person now looked like a grape that had been dried in the sun to become a raisin. Her hair looked like it had not been brushed since the previous day as if created from high wispy clouds on a bright sunny day.
This was one of her good days. My mother warned me that she might not know who I was at first.” The attendant doesn’t necessarily openly express her worries but her choice of language reflects her inner emotions.
The news of Grandma Singer dying had hit me like a punch to the gut. I quickly became so wrought up that I hadn’t even noticed when my mama began consoling me when she’d wrapped her arms tightly around me. At that moment it was as if I was a million miles away and all I could feel was this impenetrable wall of sadness welling up inside of me. Looking back, I don’t think I’d ever felt more abject in my entire life than I did right then, curled up in my mama’s arms crying like a baby. But then my mama said something to my step daddy that had changed everything. She said, “So, what do you think is going to happen with her house up in New York
It had been a cold, snowy day, just a few days after Thanksgiving. My grandmother became immensely ill and unable to care for herself. We knew she had health problems but her sudden turn for the worst was so unexpected and therefore we weren’t prepared for the decisions that had to be made and the guilt we would feel. Where would grandma live? Would she be taken care of? So many concerns floated around. A solution was finally found and one that was believed to be the best or so we thought.
I can still remember that small enclosed, claustrophobic room containing two armed chairs and an old, brown, paisley print couch my dad and I were sitting on when he told me. “The doctors said there was little to no chance that your mother is going to make it through this surgery.” Distressed, I didn’t know what to think; I could hardly comprehend those words. And now I was supposed to just say goodbye? As I exited that small room, my father directed me down the hospital hallway where I saw my mother in the hospital bed. She was unconscious with tubes entering her throat and nose keeping her alive. I embraced her immobile body for what felt like forever and told her “I love you” for what I believed was the last time. I thought of how horrific it was seeing my mother that way, how close we were, how my life was going to be without her, and how my little sisters were clueless about what was going on. After saying my farewells, I was brought downstairs to the hospital’s coffee shop where a million things were running
By the time Julie returned her grandmother was ever so lightly snoring. The look of gratification and appreciation of Julie’s previously stern face melted my heart and again my eyes welled with tears. The fence Julie had built around her heart slowly disintegrated as she observed the bond I had developed with her “mom”. With a quivering voice, Julie revealed the stress and emotional turmoil of watching this devastating disease imprison the only mother she had ever known.
I have never seen my mother look so pale or frail. Her lips moved but the sound that was supposed to be coming out was nonexistent. My older brother, Caden, and I were stunned into silence. Our eyes spoke volumes of the fear we were experiencing.
My grandma came into the room and gave me a big hug because she thought that I wondered off of the property into one of the neighbor’s property and had got lost in the woods. I did not tell my grandma what I saw because I thought that if I told her then I would not be able to go outside again. She had asked me why I was laying in the snow with my eyes closed and I told her that I saw going to make a snow angel but got tired from walking around. She said that I had only been gone for maybe ten minutes and I smiled and said yes.
I slowly opened the front door -- the same old creak echoed its way throughout the old house, announcing my arrival just seconds before I called out, "Grandma!" She appeared around the corner with the normal spring in her steps. Her small but round 5'1" frame scurried up to greet me with a big hug and an exclamation of, "Oh, how good to see you." It was her eighty-fifth birthday today, an amazing feat to me, just part of everyday life to her. The familiar mix of Estee Lauder and old lotion wafted in my direction as she pulled away to "admire how much I've grown." I stopped growing eight years ago, but really, it wasn't worth pointing this fact out. The house, too, smelled the same as it's ever smelled, I imagine, even when my father and his brothers grew up here more than forty years ago -- musty smoke and apple pie blended with the aroma of chocolate chip cookies. The former was my grandfather's contribution, whose habit took him away from us nearly five years ago; the latter, of course, comes from the delectable delights from my grandmother's kitchen. Everything was just as it should be.
When I entered her room, I was surprised to discover she appeared to be a dying senior citizen, rather than a woman in her twenties, only a few years older than me. Her depression filled the room with a heaviness that was immediately felt. She knew she wouldn't live much longer. And the thought of leaving her young toddler children, both under the age of five and her husband was excruciatingly painful. I was overwhelmed.
Her home was a magical place where my cousins, my brother, and I could run wild. Auntie, as she preferred to be called, was not a strict disciplinarian, so we were free to do what we wished. She resolved that her niece and nephews must learn to enjoy life as she did. We often visited her white cottage while on vacations. The front door of the house was a large wooden door with black iron strips running across. The handle was also made in the shape of a serpent, which symbolizes wisdom and the Earth spirit. Auntie always opened the door with her smiling wrinkled face greeting us as we walked through. As we entered the house we were led into a main room. It was simple and relaxing. To the right was a large window that overlooked the cobblestone driveway and entrance to the garage. To the left were two sectional floral Victorian couches that connected together in the corner of the room with a small square wooden table.
It was a Monday night; I remember it like it was yesterday. I had just completed my review of Office Administration in preparation for my final exams. As part of my leisure time, I decided to watch my favorite reality television show, “I love New York,” when the telephone rang. I immediately felt my stomach dropped. The feeling was similar to watching a horror movie reaching its climax. The intensity was swirling in my stomach as if it were the home for the butterflies. My hands began to sweat and I got very nervous. I could not figure out for the life of me why these feelings came around. I lay there on the couch, confused and still, while the rings continued. My dearest mother decided to answer this eerie phone call. As she picked up, I sat straight up. I muted the television in hopes of hearing what the conversation. At approximately three minutes later, the telephone fell from my mother’s hands with her faced drowned in the waves of water coming from her eyes. She cried “Why?” My Grandmother had just died.
My grandmother led me to the master bedroom where my grandfather lies with an eerie stillness. The expression on my face must have been priceless, my grandmother touched my shoulder, and informed me, grandpa is sleeping. My grandmother asked me to have a cup of tea with her, so we strolled slowly to the kitchen in silence. Meanwhile, my husband stayed in the room with grandfather watching over him as if he was a guardian of the night. She proceeded to the brew Chai Tea, and she and I sat at the table talking for what appeared like hours. During our heartfelt conversation she informed be that Grandpa should be on what they call “Hospice” care, nonetheless they both refused it. She knew I was familiar palliative care from working in the hospital. This was the reason my grandfather had requested both Jim and I, to bring him to Wisconsin. My heart sank in my chest as I came to the realization that I was in fact “Journeying” my grandfather home to die. While my grandfather rested in bed, the three of us took care of packing, and making arrangements for somebody to watch the home while my grandmother was away. We loaded the vehicle with additional provisions for the long journey home, including a walker and wheelchair. Jim and I made a bed in the back of the Excursion using a mattress and a memory foam pad, to ensure my grandfather’s comfort for the long journey home. Finally, it was time to aid my grandfather into
Those last few days are a blur except for one event. While the family was buzzing around taking care of everything, I climbed into my grandmother’s bed, ready to read the elephant book. My grandmother was weak, but she smiled when I opened the book. I cannot say if I actually read the book or if I retold it from memory, but I recited the whole story from beginning to end to my grandmother. She was proud of me, she could not tell me, but I knew. At the end of that particular day, my grandmother passed away. But my grandmother showed me the magic that is contained in stories, and knowing that she loved stories gave me the drive to start reading.
Every morning I wake up thinking that she is in the dining room drinking her coffee and watching her favorite TV shows. All of a sudden the truth starts rushing up and I come to realize that it was just a dream which was still hanging around me. In spite of my outward calmness, I felt as if there was a big hole inside me. My grandmother’s death was truly a sobering event and the most traumatic loss in my life. The commemoration of my grandmother will always be with me wherever I go and always tinting my dreams with her gentle smell of rosemary and the glittering silve...