Same goes for my mother. She was treating us like carriers and not like kids. My parents only care about themselves at the time. My feelings were never taken into consideration... ... middle of paper ... ...friends” then they would interpret my words differently and make me look like a bad person. Rumors were spread, arguments took place, and I lost those two friends because they couldn’t treat me right.
Quote 2: “Since the day I’d left Yorido, I’d done nothing but worry that every turn of life’s wheel would bring yet another obstacle into my path” (Golden 419). 1. S/W: Chiyo is having a hard time pleasing her new family and is fearful of ending up in places like Satsu is. iii. Quote 3: “But to learn in a single moment that both my mother and my father had died and left me, and that my sister too was lost to me forever… at once my mind felt like a broken vase that would not stand I was lost even within the room around me” (Golden 103) 1.
At that point I did not even want to go back to school the next day because I was traumatized and my parent were unware of what I just experienced. Therefore, I had to go back to school which I referred to as literally hell. Upon going back to school I know that I need to avoid them as much as possible and just mind my own business. I know that I need to accept and assimilate with them. This is the only option to make them stop bullying me and so I did.
I'm living with my grandparents that I'm not close to. I can't share things to them because they're not a good listener, they always have a say on things and put all the blame on me. For my mom, I don't want to disturb her. She's working abroad and sending a message to her about what's happening to me would just add up to all that she's thinking. I don't want to be a burden.
So that left me and my sister in the house with a mother that is unable to cope with the loss, and has develope... ... middle of paper ... ...filled my heart and I did not want to admit to someone else let alone myself that I felt this way. If I would have done so, many of my problems might have been solved earlier in life. Lastly, one needs to look at all possibilities to resolve the crisis. To be honest, we did not look at what we could do to resolve it. At the time, nothing could bring back Jo’Anna and that was that.
I struggled with the desire to know why He took her away from her family, away from her husband, and most selfishly, away from me. I never found the answer to my question, but I wasn’t really looking for it either. Instead of remaining faithful, I became hateful. Next, I became resentful towards my own family. I hated the way that my father was too busy providing for us physically that he never had time to provide for us emotionally.
He couldn’t talk to his daughter at that time because of different time zones. My stepmom made it almost impossible for my dad to interact with his daughter. She didn’t want him to be apart of her or her daughter 's life. I didn’t see how this was fair, I was getting very frustrated with her. Once he got back from deployment he called me very often seeing how I was feeling about this whole situation.
In my teenage years, most of my time was spent in school, and after I left there I would come home to a strung out mother that would be ranting and raving about dishes that needed to be done and telling me about how I was her biggest mistake, and that I was nothing but a lazy, hopeless loser, which I knew wasn’t true, but when you are a child the thoughts just run through your head over and over like a bad dream that you cannot wake up from. During that time, I had to find a way to break out. She would never let me leave the house unless it was to go to school, so I would leave at seven every morning and not return until midnight or later because I couldn’t face the beatings anymore. I began to heavily use drugs and try to escape to a place without pain and fear. Unfortunately, I knew that when I did come home, that I was really in for it.
I felt like I was not wanted by anybody, especially at school. I did have suicidal thoughts, but in middle school I actually tried to take my own life. Now, it was not that my plan did not work. I just found myself not being able to do everything that I had planned so that I would not be alive anymore. I felt like God was telling me that I could not end my life and He was not done with me yet, so I was not able to finish my task.
Thus, after a while I began to stop expressing my feelings to others. I theoretically thought that if I don’t tell people how I felt nobody will intentionally get hurt. However, as a result that cause one of my dearest friendships to fail, a relationship that I held dearly failed, and I began to shut my family out as well. As a result, I had the feeling of loneliness for an extensive period of time. I had no initiative to do things outside of my comfort zone such as rock climbing, going to social events, and even yoga.