Do Not Make Your Child The Messenger Essay

Divorce can be difficult for children and adults alike. One of the challenges for single moms and dads is avoiding projecting their negative feelings toward the other parent onto their children. This can be especially hard just after a divorce, when many of the negative emotions are still raw. While it is not always easy, there are several things you can do as a single parent to avoid creating a negative environment for your children.

Do Not Make Your Child the Messenger

If you have gone through a difficult divorce, the thought of having to talk to your ex might feel unbearable. Because of this, it often feels easier to simply have your children deliver messages to the other parent. While this might be the simplest solution for you, it is

This temptation might be especially hard to resist if your ex is avoiding his or her parental responsibilities. Allow your child to see that there are positive role models of both sexes. Point out these people, especially if you find your child falling into the trap of talking negatively about those of the opposite sex.

You could do something as simple as pointing out that your daughter's soccer coach last year dedicated his time to coach the team. You could remind your son that his teacher last year took the time to get to know each of the students in her class individually. Even people in the media, such as the man who stopped a gunman or the lady who sews quilts for the homeless can act as positive examples of those of the opposite sex.

When your child’s other parent plays little to no role in the child's life, make sure you seek out positive role models of that sex to be examples for your child. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, neighbors, and other friends can play this role. While a romantic partner can also act as a positive role model, this should not be your child's only interaction with those of that