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Grief processes essay
The grieving process reflections
Grief processes essay
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The characters in Alice Sebold’s The Lovely Bones are faced with the difficult task of overcoming the loss of Susie, their daughter and sister. Jack, Abigail, Buckley, and Lindsey each deal with the loss differently. However, it is Susie who has the most difficulty accepting the loss of her own life. Several psychologists separate the grieving process into two main categories: intuitive and instrumental grievers. Intuitive grievers communicate their emotional distress and “experience, express, and adapt to grief on a very affective level” (Doka, par. 27). Instrumental grievers focus their attention towards an activity, whether it is into work or into a hobby, usually relating to the loss (Doka par. 28). Although each character deals with their grief differently, there is one common denominator: the reaction of one affects all. Jack Salmon, Susie’s father, is most vocal about his sorrow for losing his daughter. However, his initial reaction was much different. Upon hearing that Susie’s ski hat had been found, he immediately retreats upstairs because “he [is] too devastated to reach out to [Abigail] sitting on the carpet…he could not let [her] see him” (Sebold 32). Jack retreats initially because he did not know what to do or say to console his family and he did not want them to see him upset. This first reaction, although it is small, is the first indicator of the marital problems to come. After recovering from the initial shock, Jack decides that he must bring justice for his daughter’s sake and allows this goal to completely engulf his life. He is both an intuitive and instrumental griever, experiencing outbursts of uncontrolled emotions then channeling that emotion into capturing the killer. He focuses his efforts in such an e... ... middle of paper ... ...on family would not have been able to survive. Though each of them handled their loss differently, the actions of one person molded the decisions of another. Sebold expresses the need to constantly move forward despite loss in order to grow as an individual and also teaches readers to appreciate the little things that remind them that they are alive. The Salmon’s may not be perfect, but neither is Heaven. Works Cited Doka, Kenneth J. Beyond Gender: Patterns of Grief. 4 May 2007. . Sebold, Alice. The Lovely Bones. New York: Little, Brown and Co., 2003. Lehman, Darrin R., et al. “Long-term effects of sudden bereavement: Marital and parent-child relationships and children’s reactions.” Journal of Family Psychology 2.3 (1989): 344- 367. PsyARTICLES. 4 May 2007. . “The Lovely Bones”. Magill’s Literary Annual 2003. (2003). Literary Reference Center. 4 May 2007. .
Often when a person suffers through a tragic loss of a loved one in his or her life they never fully recover to move on. Death is one of hardest experiences a person in life ever goes through. Only the strong minded people are the ones that are able to move on from it whereas the weak ones never recover from the loss of a loved one. In the novel The Sweet Hereafter by Russell Banks, character Billy Ansel – having lost his family serves as the best example of brokenness after experiencing death. Whether it is turning to substance abuse, using his memory to escape reality or using Risa Walker as a sexual escape, Billy Ansel never fully recovers from the death of his twins and his wife. This close analysis of Billy’s struggle with death becomes an important lesson for all readers. When dealing with tragedies humans believe they have the moral strength to handle them and move on by themselves but, what they do not realize is that they need someone by their side to help them overcome death. Using unhealthy coping mechanism only leads to life full of grief and depression.
In the lovely bones, Lindsey has more knowledge about the case than anyone else, because she finds physical proof against Mr. Harvey. George Harvey constructs rooms by using his skills. Jack Salmon is confident that Mr. Harvey killed his daughter, because he acts suspicious plus he kills small animals. In the Lovely Bones, Alice Sebold illustrates knowledge is power to Lindsey, Mr. Harvey and Jack Salmon.
The feelings of anger and guilt that Jack demonstrates causes him to reveal his desire to catch the murderer, Mr. Harvey. When Jack whispers to himself, “Bastard, You murderous bastard,” the author indicates the how the presence of Jack’s id foreshadows the drastic approaches he will take (137). This desire is his main goal and serves as a catalyst that motivates him throughout the novel. Simultaneously, he also possesses the fear that he might be endangering his second daughter, Lindsey: “... he could not feel anything but the knowledge in his brain. George Harvey had killed his last little girl” (137). This is connected to the fact that if he is unable to fulfill his desire, Lindsey’s life could be at jeopardy. In the same manner, Abigail’s immediate decision to not attend Susie’s memorial indicates that she is trying to escape the fear of feeling anguish and sorrow after her memorial: “I don’t believe she’s waiting for us out there. I don’t think lighting candles and doing all that stuff is honoring her memory” (206). She avoids these fears by creating her own reasons to why she should not attend Susie’s service. This becomes her main fear throughout the novel, as she constantly tries to avoid the reality of Susie’s death. However, when the narrator states, “She needed Len to drive the dead daughter out...being with him was the fastest way she knew
When it comes to “fight or flight,” Susie’s mother, Abigail, choses flight. After Abigail and Jack, Susie’s father, are informed of Susie’s death, she begins to act differently. From having an affair, to leaving her family and her life, she does everything possible to escape the situation she’s in. When Susie saw her mother with Len she knew what was happening. Susie says, “She (her mother) needed Len to drive the dead daughter out” (Sebold 152). She finally returns home to her family after many years, which is when she will begin to let go of her heartache and of Susie.
“Why? Why? The girl gasped, as they lunged down the old deer trail. Behind them they could hear shots, and glass breaking as the men came to the bogged car” (Hood 414). It is at this precise moment Hood’s writing shows the granddaughter’s depletion of her naïve nature, becoming aware of the brutality of the world around her and that it will influence her future. Continuing, Hood doesn’t stop with the men destroying the car; Hood elucidated the plight of the two women; describing how the man shot a fish and continued shooting the fish until it sank, outlining the malicious nature of the pair and their disregard for life and how the granddaughter was the fish had it not been for the grandmother’s past influencing how she lived her life. In that moment, the granddaughter becomes aware of the burden she will bear and how it has influenced her life.
The Death of Ivan Illych brings an excellent in-depth description of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’s 5 cycles of grief theory. In the book, it shows how Ivan Illych goes through these cycles in their own individual way. The cycles that Kubler-Ross uses in her theory are: denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and acceptance. To get a better understanding of these cycles, this paper will describe each cycle and provide quotations that will help develop an idea of how someone going through these cycles may react.
Many people including Susie’s family and friends treasured moments with Susie. They were affected by her past that gave left broken hearts behind. Susie Salmon was a significant person in lives of her family and friends. She whimpered, squealed, and suffered through a situation like no other. She died by the hands of one being that was selfish and horrid. The killer’s cruel deeds should never be forgiven and should never be done again. Susie left the present with the past for her loved ones to keep. Even though the sorrow dies down, no one will be able to forget the 14-year old girl: Susie “like the fish” Salmon.
When Susie Salmon passed, she was terrified in the afterlife. She felt angry, that life is very unfair, and most of all she missed everyone she loved. Susie was still young and was not ready to let go of her family. “I hadn't yet let myself miss my mother and father, my sister and brother. That way of missing would mean that I had accepted that I would never be with...
Her death tears her family apart, but then they unite together shown through Susie’s parents, Abigail and Jack. Susie’s father, Jack, is a loving father who knows the truth of his daughter’s murder, but struggles to find any sort of proof. Jack says to Lindsey after he strongly believes that Mr. Harvey is the killer; “There is no doubt in my mind [....] “no evidence” is all they can say”(164). While Abigail is a very complicated woman who has rebelled against her family, abandoning them to go to California, Jack asks Abigail “Hey ocean eyes [...] Where’d you go on us”(221). Jack becomes consumed of trying to find Susie’s killer, but instead results in his knee injury and ruined marriage which promptly makes Abigail leave her family. Jack’s heart attack immediately brings Abigail back home, she makes amends with her family, and forgets about the past. She reconnects with Jack and both realize the love they have for one another. He says to her while on the hospital bed “I fell in love with you again; While you were away”(283). Susie’s death affects her parents both deeply, but they overcome Susie’s death and realize the amount of love they have for one another. Susie’s death serves as unity in her parents
Throughout this novel, the reader is left with the task of putting the pieces together to a highly complex puzzle. While solving this puzzle, the reader learns valuable information about Mrs. Ross’s harsh past, which greatly influences her entire life. The root of Mrs. Ross’s troubles ultimately lies within the shocking death of “Mrs. Ross’s only brother, a boy called Monty Miles who had been killed while walking home…A wayward trolley left the tracks to strike him down” ( ). According to the narrator “The mourning had gone on for years”() and this event truly traumatized Mrs. Ross as “the world was full of trolley cars and Mrs. Ross ...
A horrific aspect of life that many people have a difficult time dealing with is death. The thought of death scares people because as humans we do not have a way to comprehend something that we cannot test, see or even have a grasp of. When a person loses a loved one they get scared by this reality of that they do not know where they are going and when they make it there how will it be for them. In William Faulkner's book, As I Lay Dying, we go through the process at which a family loses a “loved” one and we follow the family all the way until the deceased, Addie Burden, is buried in Jefferson. In As I Lay Dying you see the steps of grieving are different for many people and some of the people will come out destroyed and others without a scratch. The character Cash goes through a process of grief, odd to most in his way of grief we do not see pain because of the pressure he puts on himself to finish the journey for the family. Cash’s brother, Jewel, seems to snap from the pain of losing his mother and he let the pain ingulf his life. Finally, the last
Psychologists have come to establish the universal process of grieving, or the seven stages of grief. These stages go as follows: shock or disbelief, denial, bargaining, guilt, anger, depression, and finally acceptance. Any person who has lost a loved one can understand this sequence of emotions. Those mourning a death tend to follow the seven stages; however, it is common for individuals to mourn differently than others. Authors William Faulkner and Herman Melville give the perfect example of this in their short stories, “A Rose for Emily” and “Bartleby, the Scrivener” both which contain a main character who is full of grief. The characters both express their grief with becoming distant, mysterious, and reclusive, but they also have many differences
In addition, Jack showed his inability to let go of Susie by keeping her physical belongings with him. From heaven, Susie is watching all of this happen, noting that “I knew then he would never give me up. He would never count me as one of the dead. I was his daughter, and he was my dad, and he had loved me as much as he could. I had to let him go” (...). The final sentence is very significant. It is the time when Susie recognizes the need for her to let go if she truly wishes to end her family’s suffering. As Susie is able to forget the past, so does Jack. He soon realizes that Susie lives in his past, memories, and not in objects. Specifically, it is not until Jack survives his heart attack that he fully accepts that his daughter has left. “Last night it had been [Susie’s] father who had finally said it, ‘[Susie’s]never coming home.’ A clear and easy piece of truth that everyone who had ever known me had accepted” (289). Upon realizing this truth, Jack is able to continue with his life, job, and most importantly, to refocus his attention to his two other
Hutchison (2015) discussed grief work researched by Lindemann (1944) and of the common reactions to loss he identified, my aunt very likely experienced “loss of patterns of conduct, where the ability to carry out routine behaviors is lost” (p.438). Wortman & Silver (1990) proposed four patterns of grieving. My aunt more than likely would have been categorized as experiencing delayed grief. Delayed, postponed inhibited or suppressed grief is demonstrated very slightly “in the first few months after the loss, but high levels of distress at some later point” (p. 440). At the time of her husband’s death, she was very calm and did not seem to be grieving at all, it was if he went on a trip and would be back eventually. However, her behavior after the year of bereavement counseling told a different
Everyone has or will experience a loss of a loved one sometime in their lives. It is all a part of the cycle of life and death. The ways each person copes with this loss may differ, but according to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s novel On Death and Dying, a person experiences several stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and, finally, acceptance. There is no set time for a person to go through each stage because everyone experiences and copes with grief differently. However, everyone goes through the same general feelings of grief and loss. There are also sections in Kahlil Gibran’s “The Prophet” that connect to the process of grieving: “On Pain,” “On Joy and Sorrow,” and “On Talking.” Kahlil Gibran’s “The Prophet” reflects on Kübler-Ross’s model of the different stages of grief and loss.