Reflection On Conflict

Dealing with the fundamental problems in conflict requires us to deal with the underlying factors in our emotions first and foremost. That can be very difficult for some people because many of us have a hard time dealing with and understanding our emotions. However, there is some good news also when we get past that first step and learn to understand our emotions. “When emotions are hidden and disguised the dispute becomes a labyrinth, with layers and layers of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors so concealed that the conflict seems inevitable and insoluble.” (Scheff, T.J. 1994. p. 14) We are then prepared to resolve our conflicts in a more efficient and effective manner. Conflict fuels a simple “fight or flight” reaction within us that causes our stress levels to rise. This

Recognizing the emotions behind the conflict requires that we identify the conflict, identify our fears, and identify our reactions. To accomplish this, I completed an exercise that helped me to identify my core fears. Once I completed the exercise, I found that my three core fears are being rejected, feeling inadequate and feeling like a failure. Before I completed this exercise and actually seeing the words printed in the book, I had no idea that these were fears of mine as it relates to conflict. I also found that my three main reactions to conflict were withdrawal, indifference and defensiveness. I knew prior to this exercise that these three would be my reaction to conflict. I have never been good at resolving conflict, but learning about my core fears should be a great stepping stone for me to turn this around and learn to resolve conflict without running away from it. During this class, I have learned that I need to learn how to relate to my emotions. In order to relate to my emotions, I have to allow things to occur and acknowledge those things; instead of thrusting them aside or acting as if they do not