Humorous Wedding Speech

I must admit that I really did not even know what a commencement address was before writing this speech. I mean of course I watched those of which were delivered by brilliant, world-renowned people such as J.K Rowling, Steve Jobs and yes, Ellen Degeneres speaking at the most prestigious of universities. I thought to myself who on Earth would care to listen to me, I am not brilliant nor am I world-renowned, though I often like pretend otherwise. Then I remembered that you are not graduating from a prestigious university so I guess we are equally the lesser in this situation. I realized in watching these speeches that no matter the speaker, the message seems to be equally sappy and inspirational, which is what I intend to bore you with this morning.

Till death do us part, as we like to say. Of course, if I were to ask you to spend the rest of your life with someone you didn’t love you would surely think I was being completely ridiculous; because how can you be truly, wholly, unconditionally happy with someone that you don’t love? Let me tell you now that the only person that has been with you and will be with you for all eternity is yourself. I hope it seems utterly preposterous to you now that one would ever consider self love to be anything less than essential. I believe wholeheartedly that the ultimate level of happiness can not be achieved if one does not love one’s self. So fall in love with yourself, be your own best friend. Be your own hero. Let not the opinions of others let you become less of what you are because when we are caught up in what others think of us it proves only that we have more confidence in other’s opinions than we do in our own. I promise you that if you take a picture of yourself today, and I do challenge you to do so, and you put it away for ten years, ten years from now when you pull it out again, you will be amazed at how beautiful you were. Why not be amazed today? I am going to be blunt and tell you that

Some things go forever unnoticed. We become caught up in the fast pace of life that we have become accustomed to. Life doesn’t stop. In fact one of my biggest fears, well I wouldn’t call it a fear but rather a discomfort, is the fact that I can’t stop. There is no way to stop time. No matter what it keeps moving, and inevitably I will move with it. I find comfort at the bottom of a swimming pool. For there, there is nothing. Silence, darkness and an absence of touch. Of course the time my body allows itself to spend there is limited, but for the minute that I am capable of holding my breath I feel as though I have managed to escape life, to set myself free of the cage time has us locked in. It is almost as though I can feel the Earth turning. As I resurface at the very last second, gasping for air the sound of the world overwhelms me. The bursts of colour shock my eyes. The fact that I can now feel the air on my skin and that I am no longer senseless is daunting. I am capable of noticing deeper, I see things I didn’t before. I notice smaller movements, rather than the movement of the room as a whole. As if I am moving my gaze from one single brush stroke of the painting to the next, instead of stepping back and observing it in its entirety. Dare to notice deeper. Try to notice what you notice. I challenge you now to imagine in your