If you 're going through hell, keep going.
It’s now 2009, my room is dingy, it smells like stale smoke, and it’s where I have spent most of the past year. The blackout curtains keep the outside world from reminding how out of touch with reality I am. My girlfriend has long since broken up with me because I never took her out anymore. My friends all stopped calling because they know I won’t pick up. Being alone so long has made me numb and apathetic. Nothing much happens in my life anymore, except for the boredom, anxiety, paranoia, and the occasional delusion of grandeur.
Some days I look in the mirror with sorrow and see what I have become. I am wearing the same clothes I’ve worn for weeks, if not months. I have my hair going down past my shoulders, my beard down by my chest. A nearly visible stench hovers, like a mist of death, around me. I see a scared hermit dropout who has crawled in his hole, slowly decaying while hiding away from the real wo...
... middle of paper ...
...iling, and we parted ways.
After seemingly endless days of trying to trigger my own fears and anxieties, one day I realized that I wasn’t really that scared anymore. I couldn’t feel the normal social anxiety I normally felt in public or on buses anymore, no matter how hard I tried. I had made some hugely positive changes in my life. I started calling old friends I hadn’t seen in years, going out to comedy shows, walking around tourist areas and starting conversations with strangers. I felt like a totally different person. I learned that success is just never giving up, and that it is always better to act and fail, than to have done nothing at all. Even to this day, I still frequently remember one of the quotes that most helped pull me up out from the depths of hell. Tom Hanks said it in Castaway, “Tomorrow the sun will rise again. Who knows what the tide could bring?”
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