Thomas Hardy Lifeguard

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29 January, 2016. 11:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact DESPITE WARNINGS FROM fellow beachgoers, a 29-year-old Englishman has inconvenienced everybody around him by getting stuck in a powerful rip current at Manly Beach this morning. Chatty banker and term deposit specialist, Matteo Thompson, said he thought the lifeguards over reacted to the situation, blaming their use of hyperbole in their warnings to him before he entered the surf. "They told me, yeah, that if I go in the water here, I'd end up half way to New Zealand before lunch," said Thompson. "If there's one thing you find at at beach, is a jawsy Aussie lifeguard trying to give you the better-most advice about how not to drown. Real dab hands aye." Countless Australians this summer have been forced to begrudgingly invite floundering Englishmen onto their surfboards, often just when a good set comes in. Miles Blacklocke from Vaucluse Surf Lifesaving Club says he'd rather lose The Ashes and both Rugby World Cups to England, than miss out on another set because "some dopey Pom can't touch the bottom anymore." …show more content…

"We'd stop for some bronzed little Aussie kid in a bit strife but not for some 30-something British iceberg splashing away in a rip tide." "It's a bit unfair. British people can die here so easily, whereas over there, the only way and Australian can die is by looking at his bank account after a night out in Camden Town." "It's what the French call 'having a cunt of a time.'

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