Shame literature review

My literature is about Demi Moore’s painful and out of control behavior leading up to her divorce from Ashton Kutcher. The emotional breakdown she experienced afterwards came from a lifetime of battling her demons, the demoralization of her shame and lack of self-worth led her to many shameful behavior’s in search of unmet needs such as; attention, worthiness, and identity to name a few. Ultimately the confusion from the shame led her to substance abuse that numbed her pain.

After Demi’s breakdown, she revealed to Amanda de Cadenet a friend in Harper’s Bazaar; “What scares me is that I’m going to ultimately find out at the end of my life that I’m really not lovable, that I’m not worthy of being loved. That there’s fundamentally something wrong with me…and that I wasn’t wanted here in the first place.” (as cited in Furek, 2012)

There are many Adult Children of Alcoholic’s and other dysfunctional family system’s like Demi Moore’s family, mine included. In an adult child’s youth he or she internalizes messages such as: I am worthless, un-lovable, unwanted, violated, and abused which can cause so much toxic shame that it destroys the true authentic self.

(Bradshaw 2005) says toxic shame is the core of many emotional illnesses:

“Shame is the effect which is the source of many complex and disturbing inner states: depression, alienation, self-doubt, isolating, loneliness, paranoid and schizoid phenomena, compulsive disorders, splitting of the self, perfectionism, a deep sense of inferiority, inadequacy or failure, the so-called borderline conditions and disorders of narcissism.” (xviii)

Validation and acceptance are needed by an adult child in order for them to feel worth-while and lovable. Adult children are not allowed to e...

... middle of paper ...

...self and have made amends with them. I have a clearer understanding of my shame and defense mechanisms and where it came from. I am still learning through my program and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy about boundaries and things that are not acceptable to trigger my shame. I have a better understanding on the importance of validating another person’s feelings. I have an understanding of not allowing another to discount or minimize my feelings which will trigger me back into my shame-based behaviors.

Demi Moore’s emotional bottom is painfully obvious, she is in a extreme amount of pain and doesn’t know what to do with these feelings in a healthy way. She has become confused, lost, and ashamed of who she is by trying to fit in. If Demi Moore sticks with recovery and makes a decision to turn her life over to healing, she will slowly begin to fill the hole in her soul.