Monologue Of Jesus

My father became a born-again Christian in about 2011. Up until recently he would drag me to that loony bin and make me watch the grueling two and a half hour services every weekend he had me. I hated it. I hated those people, the blasting music, the fake smiles and praise Jesus hallelujahs. No matter how much he tried to make me participate no matter how much he told me I would go to hell, I refused. Every Saturday I was with him he would force me to work at the food pantry, waking up at 5AM before even the sun was up . Although it was a good cause I hated it. I hated the stares of the old men who went there. Don't call me sweetheart I am NOT your sweetheart. Please leave me alone take the food and LEAVE. It was torture. But I went along with

What I didn't know was that he could not do that. So I suffered, for years. My father would make me read the bible and summarize it, guilt tripping me if I didn't. By the end I didn't give a damn. Screw him, screw that awful church, screw you God. Strike me down, throw me into the bowels of hell, anything I don't care just please do not make me go back there. Standing up for an hour listening to that music. Even now I cannot handle listening to that damn Christian music. But I finally left my father, it's been a couple of months now, but the damage had already been done. I am free now, but that nightmare will never leave me. My father ruined my life. His so called religion crushed me, it made me hate God, it made me hate myself. You might wonder how a church could destroy an individual like that but you don't understand, years of brainwashing can do that to you. I used to believe in God, I used to believe in Heaven and Hell and demons and angels. If God was real, then why would this supposedly all loving entity cause so much suffering. It just does not make sense. No, I refuse to be subjected to that, I refuse to be brainwashed. I believe in